easy child was a difficult child yesterday... hope this isn't a trend.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Mar 9, 2010.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    difficult child 1 had a lacrosse game at a school about 20 miles away yesterday and I planned to go. difficult child 2 said he wanted to come along. This meant that I needed to take easy child with us because she's 10 and although more responsible than both the difficult child's combine, I couldn't in good conscience leave her alone from 3pm to 6:30pm or later (it ended up being 7pm when we got home).

    I picked easy child up from school at 2:15pm. About 4 or 5 minutes into our drive home, I told her that we would stop off at home so she could unload her cello, grab a snack and then head out to pick up difficult child 2 a little early from school so we could get to difficult child 1's game on time.

    INSTANTLY she started to protest. But I don't want to go. Why do I have to go? But I don't WANT to go! WHY do I have to GO?? And so on. She did not accept my rationale for taking her. I told her she could work on her homework on the way there, and when it was finished she could have her gameboy to play. I told her I wasn't going to force her to watch the game.

    She was furious by the time we did get home and refused to get out of the car. I hate you mom. I hate you mom. I hate you mom. You are wasting hours and hours of MY time forcing me to do this. I tried my best to ignore and deflect the venom, went inside to drop off some of my things, check email (we had 20 minutes before needing to leave), etc. I asked her if she wanted a snack in the house. NO. I asked her if she wanted to stop at a McD's and get some fries (her FAV). NO. She stayed in the car the whole time.

    We drove to difficult child 2's school, and she refused to talk to me, making no attempt to veil her anger with me. I told her that sometimes we have to go along with things our parents do whether it's convenient for us or not. That hating me was her perogative, and she was just going to have to try to make the best of the situation or suffer. That she didn't have to be so angry about this.

    Nothing worked. She stayed in the car during the game (apparently she napped, too because difficult child 2 went to retrieve a blanket and said she was sleeping), refused to do homework, and continued to glower at me the rest of the evening -- all in all, she was an evil brat from 2:30pm until bedtime at 8:30pm! :faint:

    I did my best to ignore it, but I'm concerned about this habit she has of getting "stuck". I've seen it before in husband and difficult child 1. She makes up her mind to be mad, and there's no turning back. She was prone to screaming tantrums as a child (I had a neighbor call me once because she could hear "easy child" (and I'm using this label very loosely now) from HER house, screaming in her bedroom because I wouldn't let her do something). :ashamed:

    She also had a palm tree phobia when she was a toddler, which lasted up until about first or second grade. When she was little, she would get hysterical any time we got near palm trees. As she got older, it was only certain species of palm trees, and although she wasn't hysterical anymore, she was VERY wary and avoided them if she could. She seems to have outgrown this, but she still talks about it occasionally as if it's an anxiety that's still there, but one that she's controlling.

    And a couple of occasions, she has gotten very wound up, almost obsessive, about doing certain craft/art projects she's dreamed up. Once she wanted to have a water fountain in her room. And I'm not talking tabletop fountain. She wanted to use concrete and rocks to construct a very large waterfall fountain -- had just the spot in mind on the wall in her room, too. Knew exactly how she wanted to make it, but got furious when I started to tell her why it wasn't feasible. That was about two years ago when she was 8 or nearly 9. And difficult child 2 was manic then and something in my head thought wow, this is a lot like something her brother would pull, but quickly dismissed it. I try not to discourage her art projects, but that one was just over the top.

    So I'm thinking I need to really watch her as she's approaching puberty. I don't know many 10yo girls who have such strong drives and emotions... I hope she's not headed down a difficult child-path, but given her family tree, it would not be surprising either.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    You know, sometimes they're just witchy. difficult child 3 has admitted (she's 8.5 years old) that sometimes she just gets "stuck" and doesn't know which is worse - keeping the meaness going OR backing down.

    What you might want to do is talk with her and see where she's "at". If you tell her that she seemed "stuck" and you weren't sure how to help her through it, it may open a door for communication.


    She's just being a witch.

    Sorry for being so "non-definative"!

  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    She would say that I am the witch, LOL! She's being very black & white about things lately.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Well, I hate to tell you this...but that sounds an awful lot like Miss KT. She gets something in her head, and that's it. She was always loud, and fixated, and seeing things very black/white, but the junior high years were awfuller than awful, and it continued till her junior year. Unfortunately, we still have flashes of that behavior.

    Good luck...
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    That's what I'm afraid of, Mary. Everyone I talked to about her behavior yesterday said how 10 seems kinda early for this kind of stuff.

    I talked to her today about it. She agreed that she overreacted. I pointed out that I'd offered her several opportunities to have a positive outcome, but she insisted on digging in deeper. I think she heard me on that finally today. But then she started in on why she still thought she shouldn't have to go with me. I just shook my head and said I wasn't going to rehash it. Sometimes I just don't think she gets it. Even husband sided with her when I was expressing my concern about the rigidity. Figures! :rolleyes:
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Perhaps (for your sanity) a compromise could be found for next time? Does she have a friend she could visit after school through dinner until G's game is done? Is there a drop off rec program she could attend? Could she bring a friend? Duckie acts like this usually when she's coming down with something, she becomes the center of the universe. You don't think easy child has caught what you and difficult child 2 had, do you?
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Actually, TM, I did tell her she could call either of two neighbor friends to see if she could stay at their house while we were gone. She refused!!!

    And no, she doesn't seem to be getting sick at all (knock on wood). She just was stuck and determined to stay that way.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Sigh... 10 is about the time Onyxx started up... In fact... Somewhere between 10 and 11 is where the mild acting-up started, very similar to this. And as a small child, husband says she threw extremely violent hissy fits.

    on the other hand... She's had a LOT to deal with that your easy child hasn't...
  9. unsure

    unsure New Member

    Here's some food for thought on another avenue. My easy child started her monthly cycles at 11 yr. old and let me tell ya 9 - 10 years of age was not much fun with her at all. It seemed to be a combination of hormones and her not fully understanding how she was feeling at the time. We've always been close and gotten along well with the exception of those couple years. I honestly thought I was going to be at odds with her the rest of our lives, but once she actually started having her monthly, her moods leveld back out again and we started getting along. Now it's only one week a month I want to kick her to the curb. ;)
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Ugh... I sure HOPE it's not that starting already!