Easy Child Was Bullied All School Year And Never Said Anything

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Jun 23, 2015.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I just found out about this, and I'm beside myself. Easy Child was in a large class (29 kids) and apparently, there was a big problem with bullies in the classroom this year. I found out because another mom was telling me about it. I asked Easy Child about it, and he admitted that he had problems with kids bullying him all year long and he never told anyone. I asked the teacher about it and she said that he never said anything to her, either. I asked him why he didn't say anything, and Easy Child said that he didn't want to get anyone in trouble. He suffered in silence all year so others wouldn't get into trouble. I'm going between heartbreak that he went through this silently, and anger that he was more concerned with making sure others didn't get into trouble than his own well being.
     
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    This breaks my heart.
     
  3. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    How awful. That happened to my babyboy when he was in elementary school. What grade is Easy Child going in to? I used to go to the school and demand that the bully not be placed with my children the next year.
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You're lucky you even found out about it the same year. Some of our kids can hide this stuff for YEARS. Sometimes, they don't want to get others in trouble. Other times, they have had experiences where telling backfires, and they just get bullied worse... or, the school punishes OUR kid for telling "stories" (aka lies).

    If your kid has challenges, you can pretty much assume bullying is happening - at least, that's been our experience.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    That's probably not quite why he didn't say anything.

    If you do, the bullying doesn't stop, it just gets worse. I was bullied and I NEVER told on anyone. If any sort of punishment would have stopped it, I would have told, but I knew it would only make the bullying worse. That's why kids don't tell.

    I really have no idea how bullying can be stopped in schools since the bullies don't do it in front of the teachers and some of it is outside of class, such as cyber-bullying and fighting on the way home. If parents get involved, I knew, then you get taunted as a "baby." It's very ugly and a horrible problem. A lot of kids here end up changing schools, to the smaller, kinder ones.

    I wish you and your child good luck. Bullying is quite traumatic.
     
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    This is heartbreaking--and all to common.

    Is changing schools an option?

    I would consider taking him to a councilor that would work with him on self-esteem issues and options for standing up to bullies and navigating school issues in general.

    Just a gentle question--is he bullied by his older Difficult Child brother? (in addition to the school bullies) Just asking because it happened to my step-son (now 19) by his Difficult Child older brother. I believe what happened with his brother made him more vulnerable and that being bullied by his brother kind of 'normalized' that behavior in his mind. That it was Ok for people to behave that way towards him, to treat him badly.

    I am so glad that you have found out about the situation so that you can help him.
     
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    He is moving to the middle school next year, so I'm not really sure if that will make things better or worse. I told him if this continues, and he doesn't want to tell me, he should talk to the guidance counselor.

    AppleCori, yes, he doesn't get bullied at time by his older Difficult Child brother, and I think that is one of the reasons this upset me so much. I have tried so hard to protect him from his brother, only to find out that he was a target at school.
     
  8. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Bunny Im really sorry for Easy Child, I do hope things get better for him. Hugs for you all and Im glad you now know whats going on.
     
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Just a thought but they are all targets in school. Kids are just mean.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Not all kids get bullied. My only kid who was bullied at all was Princess and it wasn't that bad. Nobody would have had the guts to take on Jumper. Bart did some bullying himself, although in a passive-aggressive way. Princess was shy and vulnerable and her friends always kept her on the edge of their group, which was what I meant by bullying. Other kids did not go up to her and throw her books out of her hands. Sonic, my autistic son, was never bullied. Other kids protected him and were very kind to him.

    Yes, all kids deal with unpleasantness with peers, but it is usually in passing. Bullying, REAL bullying, is a huge trauma if it gets out of hand.

    As one who was bullied for eight years it was every day and got physical too at times and helped destroy any self-esteem I had. That's different than the once in a while meanness of kids. My brother, being a bullied boy, had black and blue bruises all over his body from the bullies, but never told anybody because he thought that would make him even a bigger target. And it does.

    I'm not sure what the answer is though. One of Jumper's friends from another school was manhandled and bullied a nd the school just did not do much about it. She had to call the police. Then the parents went at it and t he bullying went cyber until one football game when s he was shoved around on the bleachers a nd a cop father was in the audience and saw first hand and took the girls to task. Then it got better, but she still hated to go to school because she knew they were talking bad about her. Nothing can stop that.

    Wish there were better answers for bullying. I think the bullies should be expelled myself, however very rarely do t he bullies do it in front of anybody else so without proof you have she said vs. she said. They can't do anything without proof.

    It is really a big problem that is not being adequately addressed. It went on much less at the small school where Sonic and Jumper went, but it still happened even with such a small amount of kids and enough staff. At Bart and Princess's large schools, it went on constantly to the targets and the staff never saw it happening. Many kids from there transferred to the smaller school as we have school choice here.
     
  11. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I guess I meant in some manner. It's not always extreme. Heck I think the small stuff is healthy and that they learn from it.
     
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I agree that counseling is needed, but the school also needs to address this on a larger scale. This will ONLY happen when parents demand and monitor it. We had an amazing program in ONE elem school. You could tell which kids went to that school all the way through high school. The program was found, and tweaked, and implemented by the guidance counselor for students from the pre-k classes to the 5th graders. We changed schools and were shocked that NOTHING effective was done in other schools. I asked around and the most 'hoity toity' schools with the kids from the high income areas didn't have anything effective for bullying in the elem schools any more than the ones in the less rich areas. We had been in one of the poorest areas and we had an amazing program that really worked.

    Two years later a student in the jr high shot himself right in the school. School tried to blame in on the family being poor, but they were not. The reason was bullying and the evidence was everywhere, but the school still claims they have no bullying problem. They don't, the kids handle it themselves. The school has a policy and kids can report bullying, but they have to use a special form. Teachers and office staff have the form. Teachers make the students tell them what happened and then tell the kid that it was not bullying so they cannot have the form. Somehow the office staff either cannot find the form or the file is empty so they have to come back after copies are made. It is disgusting and happens in all 3 of our secondary schools. I know one teacher got into major trouble over this because I complained about it. I insisted on retraining and a formal note in his file because he denied my child a report four times when my child was showing him bruises over clear bullying. My child finally stopped it by attacking the other student. My child did get 4 a punishment, which I supported, but it was greatly tempered. The teacher was furious over the note, but hwo cares? He was warned not to bully my child by retaliating in ANY way (by the admin, not by me).

    We need involved parents to push for effective programs in every school. If funding is the reason, they don't have to be expensive and there are groups that will fund them. Or start a kickstarter campaign or get the PTA and the community involved. Have a silent auction or other fund raiser to raise money to fund an anti-bullying campaign for the school. The district will NOT generally like the entire area to know they are not willing to fund such a hot button issue and neither will the school board. In many areas this will free up some money at least by the next school year. It will also be a big deal in the next election and the board members who made it necessary for parents to fund the program will have a tough time with that issue. Do a lot of bake sales, in school if allowed and OUT of school where the community can see you, if you in any way can. If possible, call restaurants and bakeries and ask for donations of baked goods to help raise $$ at the bake sales. If you do that, you need support from the PTA or another tax exempt organization (could be a church if you have ties to one) to send a thank you letter to the business donating items to you so that it is a tax exempt donation. If the business doesn't want to donate food, ask for bags and disposable gloves, etc... to package the food. Make sure that you have a flyer with the program you want to fund and a list of the businesses that supported you by donating items or space to hold your sale. This helps the business and increases your awareness also.

    There are a lot of programs out there, just google them. First ask the school why they are not doing a comprehensive program on such a huge problem? If they tell you it isn't a problem, ask them what it will take to make them see it? Ask what they need to see that they have serious problem? don't fall into the 'a parent meeting' trap because you won't get enough parent there. Go to social media and get kids and parents interested/aware, if possible get a counselor and/or teacher(s) to help you. some districts/schools/principals make this very risky for teachers, so be aware of that. If there is a college in your area, consult their school of education or educational psychology department/teachers to figure out the best ways to reach the admin AND the students AND the families. Heck, once you have some info regarding that, go to the college of business and seek out the dept of marketing for help. Marketing includes advertising and can help you figure out ways to reach everyone involved and help them see the need and benefit of programs like this. Plus, the professors at least have kids, so they are interested in this personally, at least on some level.

    These are just some ideas. I hope they help.
     
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