easy child's coming home...and other stuff.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Aug 25, 2008.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    So, after 2 years of on again off again with her chef boyfriend, and living together for 6 months, my easy child is breaking it off with him, leaving school and coming home. She's leaving the bachelor's program because she "cannot bear to be in all the same exact classes with him for 2 straight years!" This program was a dream of hers and now she's walking away. At least she got her associates!

    There will be a lot of details to take care of. She has to withdraw from the program, we have to cancel the loan (I am hoping to put them into escrow somehow because she wants to do a local program to our home here but I don't think Salliemae will do that), talk with the landlady about breaking the lease (of which I am on as cosigner!), she already gave notice at her job, & move all her stuff back home. IN TWO WEEKS!!! Seventy-five percent of the apt contents are HERS. I don't even know where I will put it all, except the garage, which is damp. I am thinking that since we usually rent a storage facility, we can get a larger unit and have easy child pay the difference.

    There is a local 4-year College, which offers the bachelors program she is interested in. The only problem is that the credits she's earned will not transfer because the programs are set up completely different at this local school. The only option is for her to attend the one culinary school here that offers the same program, but as an associate program, not bachelors. She was supposed to go to Spain as part of her current program, so I suggested she go to Spain for a year instead and attend school there. She was all for it initially....but...you knew there was a but, right?

    Seems she's been 'talking' with her old boyfriend from home, Casper (he's very pale so his nickname was Casper). Seems easy child saw Casper when she was home for vacation and then he 'coincidentally' had a construction job up by her apt (2 hours away) and while there he contacted her to go grab a bite. She went...it happened to be her day off and her boyfriend's day at work. While there, Casper told her he was still in love with her...and easy child had told me the week before that she was afraid she still had feelings for Casper.

    I asked her some what I hoped would be some thought provoking questions: "I hope you're not jumping from boyfriend to Casper...I hope that you're not coming home and giving up your bachelor's program to be with Casper...I hope you realize that you will need a little space and time between boyfriends..." to which she said, "I know" in that teeny tiny voice she has when she knows that I've pegged her every thought and motivation.

    I love easy child with all my heart and when she calls me crying (5 days in a row last week) it's hard for me. It's hard because she's always been so easy and good and driven and well, for the most part, a easy child. She's a great student & hard worker. Being a baker and pastry chef has always been her dream. I don't think she'd give up her love of the kitchen for anyone but I am disappointed she's not going to complete the bachelor program at CIA. H suggested she wait a year and then start the program next fall (they only have BS enrollment once a year in the Fall) so she's not in stb-exbf's class. But easy child said she doesn't want to do that. She said if she leaves she won't go back. So that's that. As far as Casper goes, we both like him, but I hate to see easy child jump into another relationship so fast. She has no girlfriends - I would love for her to make some so she has that added richness to her life...someone else to lean on beside a boyfriend. But alas, it's not up to me and it's none of my business, which I can live with, really. I only give advice when asked....most of the time.

    Does anyone know if when the school rejects the salliemae funds, will the bank release the funds to us or does it just go back? I have to call.

    Also, has anyone every tried to get out of lease 6 months early? Can't the landlady sue us for the remainder of the lease?? That's about $5000. Can easy child offer to help find a replacement tenant? Do you think that would help?

    And now if my Mom moves up here to CT, I will be short a bed. Somebody's going to have to sleep on the couch, and it's not going to be my Mom. So, how is your Monday going?
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Where's Raoul when you need him?

    She was so homesick before...this could just be decisions that she needed to make and actually deep down may be the right one. She's always been a good kid with a good head on her shoulders - she might just be more of a homebody than someone being far away. Heck, maybe the trip to Spain was going to be too much to deal with!

    Hugs, you deserve them!


    easy child gets the couch - legally custody of the bed changed hands when she went to school! ;)
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ohhhh...boy do you have a predicament! I think your daughter can attempt to find another tenant for the apartment. If the lease allows it. Call the landlord. There may be an early buy out....like 3 months or less if the landlord can rent it earlier.

    I dont know a thing about student loans. Only thing I know about Sallie Mae is they hold my car loan...lol.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry she is giving up her dream. I dreamed of going to the CIA but heard the demands and knew my body would NOT let me meet them. I took hotel and restaurant classes as part of my major electives. It did let me meet my dreams, mostly.

    I don't know about the loan. As for the lease, maybe she could sublet? Is boyfriend staying there? Could he get a room mate and just let it go, or is he moving out also? The landlord CAN make you pay the rest of the lease, but read the lease for wether you can sublet, or how to break it. We had the codicil that if husband got a job more than 100 miles away we could move. The court said a college program for a master's degree with an assistantship qualified, so we only had to pay 1 month penalty. The landlord DID call my in-laws (who cosigned a previous lease 3 years before) and threatened them with lots of fines and things. A BIG mistake because we made thier life miserable with holding them to EVERY little part of the lease. Including the part that said with mgr approval we could paint rooms any color we wanted. I had a signed letter approving the paint jobs - even the plate size polka dots in Jessie's room. They wnated to charge us ove $1000 for repainting, but couldn't because the mgr signed the letters OKing things.

    So read, read read.

    Sorry she is so miserable. Has she talked to the good college about making an exception for classes from the best culinary academy inthe country??
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Here are my thoughts - since you asked.

    I think leaving current boyfriend IS the crux of this whole conversation. Right now that may not seem like it to her but it is - I'm glad, he's immature and not in my humble opinion an honorable man. Getting away from him IS important. The rest we can fix as time goes by.

    As far as Casper? Well, to me since she dated him before, in her mind it probably doesn't seem like she's jumping from boyfriend to Ghostboy. They have history, she's in a relationship without affection, Casper is affectionate - it's what she needed. I think she's allowed current boyfriend to push her self-esteem to non-existance. I think he's mentally abusive. So any person showing her some much needed attention at present is going to work for her -AND if it's a MAN/ghost boy - even better - it still seems in her mind like she is independent and doesnt NEED mommy 100% - backward logic but I feel correct - she's got to hang on to ONE thing she does on her own and that is the person paying her attention.

    With kids going back to school and college - I would consider selling her belongings to boyfriend or yard sale vs. Keeping them, moving them, storing them. Do the math - will keeping them for ?? long be cheaper than selling. I deal with a lot of people who MOVE from state to state and all have told me that it would have been BETTER and CHEAPER to sell what they had where they were - not bother with moving, labor, expense because it a.) either reminded them of the time they spent with the person the furniture was housed at b.) it didn't fit their new home and they ended up selling it anyway AFTER hauling, storing and paying those expenses.

    I don't know Sallie Mae. I think you can ask Rod Stewart about Maggie Mae. I would call the Sallie Mae foundation and ask to speak to someone SMART.

    As far as the lease and the land lady? Since she HAS lived there 6 months - you would have to check local laws for backing out of the lease - BUT I would check with her (if you feel she'll understand) OR go to an atty that knows realestate law and ask him for advice. Personally I would ask her to reassign the lease to the boyfriend, and whomever HE chooses to live with him. I would tell the land lady that you DO have someone to take over for easy child, but you need to NOT hold the lease in YOUR name. Or - if you can afford the $5000 - take a chance that immature boyfriend will stay - pay you the payments, you send them to landlady and when he moves out YOU will be responsible for going there and cleaning/fixing/painting etc. NOT my idea of a fun use of my hours.

    My thoughts did go to - if you COULD get her out of that lease and get your money back? use THAT money for an apartment close to your home.

    I still think the Spain idea is BRILLIANT - oh what a time to go abroad and learn!!!!! If I were here - I'd tell Casper to wait on me -sell my stuff, go to Spain and find Raoul on one of the beaches.....live her life - and text old ghosty boy.

    But I'm an aunt with strong ideas......and where is the dog?
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Why Star! The puppy is moving back home too, don't you know?? Late last night, H had an Aha moment and said, "Wait a minute...where is that little dog going?" I said, "Here, with easy child" and he said, "Oh no you don't! Make boyfriend take her!" to which I said, "No, she needs to be with her mommy" and H said, "You're all against me!!" and retreated back to the couch where he felt sorry for himself for living with all these women...lol.

    The boyfriend is moving back to the dorms. I spoke with him and to be honest, he sounds relieved, as if he's looking forward to it. I think he's been stressed living with easy child also. And you're right, he has been a bit of a weenie to easy child along the way.

    I am going to try and make an appointment with the landlady this Sat. If she gives us the okay, we will post apt flyers at the schools and local public info boards. I have a feeling at the very least, easy child and boyfriend will lose their security and *possibly* have to pay the rent until it's re-rented again, which will then void our lease. I have to get a hold of the lease so I can read through it. Hard lesson for easy child, as we will expect her to pay us back every cent, no exceptions.

    I love the Spain idea too and I think it would be a wonderful experience for her! We JUST last week sent away for her passport - shame to let it go to waste, don't you think?

    I like the idea of selling off some of her stuff. Maybe she can make a list of what she'd like to sell with pricing and post that along with the apt info. It's all basic stuff. I know she won't get what we (I) paid for it all, but at least it won't be clogging up my basement and garage. Poor H, he was just about get a dumpster to clean out the storage room and garage. She has the potential of making up at least one month's rent if she sold off all the basics at least (and the bed).

    I hope the landlady works with us - it hasn't been all roses in the apt. There was a HUGE ceiling leak in the kitchen and it took her months to finally have it fixed. They almost moved out over that. Also, the stove began smoking one evening and the alarms alerted the local fire dept and they ALL showed up - she replaced the stove. And the refrigerator was on the skits and had to be replaced also. The apt was FILTHY beyond belief. I went up there and worked our tails off cleaning it. The walls looked like they had been sprayed with tea and there were animal dropping stains everywhere. Ick. It was gross. I must have emptied and refilled my cleaning buckey at least a half dozen times. But all of that will mean nothing, I'm sure. I hope she's understanding. easy child and boyfriend can't possibly be the first students to bail on her. She owns a bunch of homes where there are quite a few colleges, so...
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Uh huh! So you vill be raizin' yhour wittle grand-dog too eh?

  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Depends on the laws in your state, but in Ohio you are responsible for paying the rent for the term of the lease or until it is rented again. As long as the rent is paid until a new tenant is found, and as long as the property is left in good condition, then the security deposit should be returned once a new tenant has been found.

    I hope easy child can get settled and figure things out. She's a smart girl. I'm sure she'll land on her feet. I know this is hard on you, though.

  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Good news...actually, GREAT news!:D

    The landlady was very nice and when easy child told her they would be moving, she said, "Oh, well let's see. I have a wait list of 9 people, so if I could, I'd like to start showing it right away. How about tomorrow? I'm showing the apt next to yours." And easy child was thinking, "Wow!" and said that would be fine. The landlady did tell easy child that she'd have to keep the security, however, but never told her why. And I don't want to push it at this point. Nevermind the fact that WE had to scrub the place before they could bring their stuff in...I"m just so thankful the woman is being so accomodating and non-threatening at this point. With a wait list of 9, I'm thinking it will be rented in time for October.

    And more good news. We found a college that is within an hour from our home that is solely in the hospitality field - with several concentrated areas, so easy child will get to choose the area in which she's most interested. And the icing on the cake is that they have openings in November and then again in February. If she likes the place and we can get the ball rolling, I'd like her enrolled for November so her loans don't come due and so she doesn't get dropped from my healthy policy!

    I am taking the puppy tonight so they don't have to worry about her being home when the landlady is showing the apt. H is not a happy guy - but he's got a good sense of humor about it.

    And the boyfriend is apparently warming to the idea of getting back to the dorms and being with his buds. Maybe after he and easy child had their meltdown crying jag together, he realized what he's been missing in a not so very fun relationship. I don't know, all I know is that easy child said he seems MUCH much better.

    Yay! Now I have to write up the house rules...as a gentle reminder.
  10. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Jo,
    the fun just never stops, does it? But I am so glad to hear your good news--sounds like in the long run things are going to work out better than ever. I think it is so good that easy child and boyfriend are breaking it off now before they just stay together for the sake of staying together. I think they would both regret it later.

    You are a great mom--easy child is lucky to have you!

  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Jane, I am excited to have easy child home again. But I am also smart enough to know that the novelty of it will wear off quickly if we don't put out some ground rules (without impinging on her adulthood, of course!). difficult child seems pretty excited about it too.

    I really don't want to say anything bad about easy child's boyfriend. He's a nice young man from a nice family. We like him. The only thing I can say about him other than that is that I find him incredibly dull and boring to be around. He has been whiney and clingy with easy child since they started together and he isn't even embarrassed by it. But, whatever, it's all over now.