I wrote a long post then my computer got hung. So I will be briefer now.
Jena - I know she's a very sick girl but while she is in denial, nothing will happen. She is going to have to face herself, face life on her own, before she realises that she needs to get help. And if this place seems like Disneyland to her - perhaps that is going to work out even better. She will go in starry-eyed, but nobody will put up with her crud for long. She will either find herself behaving better for fear of losing the nice place she is in (from hr point of view) or she will get back into bad habits and find them NOT so happy with her. She will not be able to keep telling herself, "They are no better than my mother," because she is painting such a rosy picture for herself.
Basically - if it works (a miracle) it will be because she learns to pull her weight and follow house rules. Because the most lax household still has some house rules, such as "No leaving rotting food in the middle of the living room floor". If it doesn't work, she will no longer be able to blame you for her misfortunes.
Living with other people requires compromise and social effort. One way or another, she is about to learn this.
So she thinks the place is wonderful? Remember what Erma Bombeck said - "the grass is greener over the septic tank".
I personally don't think taking lots of her stuff is a good idea, but in your shoes I would let her too. But it will make it a lot more difficult for her to move from place to place. She will find out the hard way...
I remember at one time, I lived in about six different places in six months. I had to travel light but I also during that time had to buy a bed (cheap, second-hand). Before I bought the bed I'd actually dragged a mattress in off someone's rubbish heap. it was better than sleeping on floorboards. husband was on the scene for me at the time, just moving out of home himself. At the end of the six months we were engaged and sharing a place with the guy who would be our best man. I was 20. Also very sick - physically. With my first lot of PTSD to add to it.
I grew up a lot, only after I left home. Each time I changed addresses I had new house rules. Sometimes the rules would change without notice, such as the time one flatmate told me that it was my job to clean the bathroom because the type of mould in there only grew in the presence of women. His new girlfriend had told him tis (although she somehow was not on the bathroom cleaning roster!). Then the flatmate's girlfriend wanted me to pay extra for "wear and tear on the kitchen appliances". I moved out.
Trust me - Disneyland or not, she is in for a huge wake-up call. meanwhile, you can sleep in.
Oh, and the phone - I hadn't commented, because our system is different to yours. It's your choice, but whatever is done, do make sure she does not have access to an unlimited phone account. At most, I would give her a small amount on a pre-paid phone only. Up to her then, to keep it topped up. That way she can always make emergency calls, or receive calls, if she runs out of credit. But under no circumstances should she be on your account, unless you can get that account capped. It's too easy to max out your account by letting friends use it, or calling expensive numbers. Either by carelessness or malice, don't leave your account vulnerable. Pass this on to husband. He wants to help, but he must not enable. It's OK to slip her a little phone money (as phone credit - we have phone recharge cards here). But she has chosen this path, needs to be allowed to make her own mistakes. Sadly.
Marg
