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Family of Origin
Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 646481" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Confused, that is out and out abuse. Period. NOBODY HAS RIGHT TO THROW YOU OUT OR HANG UP ON YOU! My God, you are trying to take care of them. What jerks (sorry about that, but they are and, yes, I know they can be nice. Anyone, even a psychopath can be nice for a few minutes). You're tired because who wouldn't be?</p><p></p><p>Don't wait to be kicked out, if only not to give them the satisfaction or to experience the hurt. GET OUT FIRST!</p><p></p><p>Now let's break this down.</p><p></p><p>Why should you get up at 5am? You don't have a job. You need your sleep. I sure don't get up at 5am and I *have* a job. This lady can't make her own coffee or warm old coffee up in the microwave? Or do without coffee? Jeesh. I'd tell them all to go to that hot, hot place where the sun don't shine! Insanity! And you should not feel obligated to do it. As for the wheel chair, tell your father, "Stop disrespecting me. You will get it when I have time to get ready and come over and not before." These adult difficult children need to be treated like the children they are act like pouty, obnoxious children.</p><p></p><p>You have too much good time in front of you to waste it on these people, your family, who abuse you, use you, and don't "allow" you to have a life. But understand this, the one who is not allowing yourself to have a good life is not them...it is YOU. You are like an abused wife who feels guilty or afraid to leave. This is like a domestic abuse situation and I'd seek help at the domestic abuse shelter. Shouting at you, expecting you to wake up at all hours just to make coffee, guilting you, hurting you emotionally and physically making you sick IS ABUSE. It's garbage. Normally I say take what is useful and leave he rest, but I think it's important for you to break the chains and get out of Dodge and stop being their unpaid servant. I assume you don't get paid for caring for them, although Grandpa was in the military and has a check that comes in every month and Dad gets SSDI. Does Dad still smoke? Well, he isn't going to get any better then, is he? Is he as bad as Grandpa at not caring for his health, but expecting you to jump with he snaps his fingers. You call that love? Who is this aunt who has so much power over everyone? Why is sister involved? There are services if she is mentally ill and homes.</p><p></p><p>Girl, your kids make more sense the more I hear. THey are not of the best DNA and on top of that they are forced to be quiet because of these older people and they see horrendous behavior and disrespect toward you. They will never respect you if they live with that and you accept it. They will respect you more if you get out of Dodge.</p><p></p><p>My family was a loony bin, but it was not as bad as yours. Nobody expected me to care for them, unpaid, and not work and jump when they said "NOW!" If they had, I never would have done it. Not in my twenties. No in my thirties. Never. I know you aer also caring for Mother, although she isn't sick. You are not responsible for ANY of them. You ARE responsible for yourself and your kiddos.</p><p></p><p>Get help for yourself so you can have a good life. Who knows? You may meet the man of your dreams <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>But no man is going to want to inherit your family. You are not tied to them. You are all separate people. You do not have to live your life for them (or kill your health for them) just because you share DNA. It's abuse, abuse, abuse. It.Is.Abuse.</p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 646481, member: 1550"] Confused, that is out and out abuse. Period. NOBODY HAS RIGHT TO THROW YOU OUT OR HANG UP ON YOU! My God, you are trying to take care of them. What jerks (sorry about that, but they are and, yes, I know they can be nice. Anyone, even a psychopath can be nice for a few minutes). You're tired because who wouldn't be? Don't wait to be kicked out, if only not to give them the satisfaction or to experience the hurt. GET OUT FIRST! Now let's break this down. Why should you get up at 5am? You don't have a job. You need your sleep. I sure don't get up at 5am and I *have* a job. This lady can't make her own coffee or warm old coffee up in the microwave? Or do without coffee? Jeesh. I'd tell them all to go to that hot, hot place where the sun don't shine! Insanity! And you should not feel obligated to do it. As for the wheel chair, tell your father, "Stop disrespecting me. You will get it when I have time to get ready and come over and not before." These adult difficult children need to be treated like the children they are act like pouty, obnoxious children. You have too much good time in front of you to waste it on these people, your family, who abuse you, use you, and don't "allow" you to have a life. But understand this, the one who is not allowing yourself to have a good life is not them...it is YOU. You are like an abused wife who feels guilty or afraid to leave. This is like a domestic abuse situation and I'd seek help at the domestic abuse shelter. Shouting at you, expecting you to wake up at all hours just to make coffee, guilting you, hurting you emotionally and physically making you sick IS ABUSE. It's garbage. Normally I say take what is useful and leave he rest, but I think it's important for you to break the chains and get out of Dodge and stop being their unpaid servant. I assume you don't get paid for caring for them, although Grandpa was in the military and has a check that comes in every month and Dad gets SSDI. Does Dad still smoke? Well, he isn't going to get any better then, is he? Is he as bad as Grandpa at not caring for his health, but expecting you to jump with he snaps his fingers. You call that love? Who is this aunt who has so much power over everyone? Why is sister involved? There are services if she is mentally ill and homes. Girl, your kids make more sense the more I hear. THey are not of the best DNA and on top of that they are forced to be quiet because of these older people and they see horrendous behavior and disrespect toward you. They will never respect you if they live with that and you accept it. They will respect you more if you get out of Dodge. My family was a loony bin, but it was not as bad as yours. Nobody expected me to care for them, unpaid, and not work and jump when they said "NOW!" If they had, I never would have done it. Not in my twenties. No in my thirties. Never. I know you aer also caring for Mother, although she isn't sick. You are not responsible for ANY of them. You ARE responsible for yourself and your kiddos. Get help for yourself so you can have a good life. Who knows? You may meet the man of your dreams ;) But no man is going to want to inherit your family. You are not tied to them. You are all separate people. You do not have to live your life for them (or kill your health for them) just because you share DNA. It's abuse, abuse, abuse. It.Is.Abuse. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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