emancipation help

[adoptedstepchild]

My husbands adopted daughter is almost 20. She has been running away for the last 3 years but is currently living in an apartment that we pay for. She has no skills, just got her ged and has no job. We have paid about $200,000 in the last 2 years for residential treatment programs and health insurance. In the last 6 months she has ovedosed 3 times in what is called "para suicide" attempts. She swallows bottles of pills like tylenol while calling 911 so that she will be rescued-and get out of what ever trouble she is in eg: steeling items. She has run up hospital bills in the neighborhood of $30,000. Does anyone know at what point are we no longer financially responsible for her?

 

[LittleDudesMom]

You need to check with the state of Oregon to be sure but my thought would be 18.

 

[DammitJanet]

I just checked online to see what the age of majority is in Oregon and it is 18. You are not responsible for any of her bills or expenses after 18.

 

[BusynMember]

She should be put on Medicaid for her bills as she is obviously disabled. You may need to help her fill out the forms. She sounds very sick or maybe exposed to drugs or alcohol before she was born, therefore unable to take care of herself. There are services for disabled adults. You are not responsible for her bills anymore, but I'd still try to help her get state care...a social worker, a place to live, food stamps, HUD housing assistance, etc . Doesn't sound like she can do those things herself. At the same time you will bankrupt yourself if you keep paying for her care...it will likely go on her whole life and hooking her up with adult services now would be compassionate. I believe 18 is legal age all over the US, but not sure.

 

[JJJ]

Did your husband take guardianship of her after she turned 18? (I'm not asking about the adoption, but about having her formally declared incompetent and in need of a guardian?)

If he did not take guardianship of her, then you are not responsible for her bills unless one of you co-signed.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

We recently applied for SSI for difficult child 2. He'll get medicaid as well. I've heard it can be a long process. However, the payments will be retro to the first day after the month we applied - Hope this makes sense! Call your local social security office and get things started as soon as you can. At least it's a relief you're not responsible for her bills!!! Hugs... SFR

 

[susiestar]

Unless you have guardianship of her, you are no longer responsible for her financially or in any other way. As MWM and others suggested, she should be eligible for some state aid and that should cover everything. If she runs up bills at stores, etc... that is for her to deal with unless you are cosigned on the account she used to pay for the items (bank account or credit account).

I would do all I could to get my name removed from any accounts you are on with her. If guardianship exists I would consult an attorney and have that dissolved. She needs to learn to be responsible for herself. The state should be able to help with that by providing her with a case manager and other supports. It may take time to set that up, but it will be worth it.

Your relationship with her may improve if you are not the ones holding the purse strings, so to speak. I would also look into finding a support group for you and your husband to attend. Families anonymous would be a good choice, so would a group for people with codependency issues.

I am sorry she has so many problems, but she is an adult and will need to face her problems and deal with them. It is NOT your job to deal with them. In fact, it is not your place to deal with them.

How does your husband feel about this?