Emancipation

[JJJ]

Kanga is "going to court" to get herself emancipated. She wants to live with her 15-soon-to-be-16 year old boyfriend and knows that we won't let her so she's sorry but she's going to get the court to force us to admit she is basically an adult and ready to do what she needs to do.

Then she asked me, "how do I go to court?" lol

I told her to ask at the treatment team meeting next week, that I was sure someone at the meeting would know how to do it. (you know, just in case they need some documentation of her impaired reality.)



Let's see...qualifications for emanciaption:

1. Financially self-supporting for 1 year
2. Parental agreement
3. Maturity

That'd be...

1. Strike One
2. Strike Two
3. Strike Three

I'm thinking not...(oh, and as a CHILD, she cannot bring a motion before the court, an adult would have to file on her behalf and the only adults with standing to do so is husband and I....I'm still giggling...)

 

[Marguerite]

As you said - let her try, give her plenty of rope, and then watch the eyes of everyone else in that meeting.

A question - she wants to be emancipated to live with her 16yo boyfriend. But doesn't he have to be emancipated too? What chance is there of that?
It reminds me of the little kid carrying his suitcase because he's running away from home. Only he keeps going around and around the same block, because he doesn't know how to cross the road...

Marg

 

[susiestar]

LOL, Marg, I love that visual (having packed my own suitcase as a 4yo and then asked my mother to call my aunt to come get me. LOL, they let me, lol!).

Let her try it at the meeting. It is just a way to show that she really is totally out of touch. It is good that you can laugh at it though! If she is allowed to see the humor adults' find in this, she may become dangerous in a rage - so make sure the staff is there to handle her. Then let her do what she will.

Does the boy know he is her "boyfriend" and that soon she thinks she will be living iwth him?

 

[JJJ]

I will be on the conference call so I do not have to worry about my physical safety thankfully. I have found it strange -- but staff acts as if her ideas are rational and then try to get her to work through the issues that need to be solved before it can happen. The problem with that approach is that she either doesn't learn and thinks she has solved the problem and then blames me for it not happening or she figures out it can't happen and loses faith in the staff that "teased" her.

I don't know if this boy knows he is her boyfriend, supposedly he is also a client of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but either lives at a group home? or is a day student??

In many ways it is just like that 4 year old...same level of impotent rage and poutiness.

 

[gcvmom]

...she's going to get the court to force us to admit she is basically an adult and ready to do what she needs to do.

Did you ask her just exactly what it is she's ready to/needs to do?

It does seem odd that they would be trying to humor her by playing along with the request instead of just pointing out the obvious. I guess they're trying to make her go through the logic, but it seems pointless if she's not going to get it. It's just going to pi$$ her off even more.

 

[DammitJanet]

Yeah...I think I would just read down the list of what is needed for emancipation for her and ask her: Kanga, do you meet those qualifications before you even think about trying to get to court? We most certainly dont think you do at this point, so I think this idea is something that needs to be tabled until you have worked harder towards this goal. If you wish, we will give you the list of qualifications so you can be aware but otherwise, lets move on towards something more productive.

 

[DaisyFace]

JJJ--

I don't know whether to hug you first or laugh with you with....I guess I'll do both

My difficult child has been doing the same thing - telling me that she's just gonna go ahead and get herself emancipated. (And of course, it's said in the same tone of voice as one might say "Nah! Nah! I get to do whatever I want! You're gonna be so-oorry!")

To which I tell her go right ahead. Here are the qualifications you need to meet:

After that, she usually gets angry and stomps off.

FWIW - I don't see anything wrong with staff supporting her attempts at emancipation. Sometimes, as you know, kids in group home/foster home situations will go from the home straight into adult life.

If she were serious, they could help her set some goals and plan it out step by step...

And if she's not serious - well, then...that's HER problem.

 

[klmno]

I WISH I could emancipate my son- then let him live at home on my terms and without me being held legally and financially responsible. Personally I think he'd turn himself around pretty quick under those circumstances.

I can see why they want to let her just keep going with her "plan". Obviously she's going to hit a brick wall. Obviously she's going to get mad instead of figuring out she needs to give up first. But so what if she gets mad? Maybe they are going to let that go too until she realizes that it's not hurting them for her to be mad.

I don't know...just a thought.

 

[busywend]

Wow - she is in for a rude awakening. But, all you can do is giggle a bit at the ridiculousness of it.

 

[donna723]

I have a good friend who, after much turmoil, grief and tears, agreed to his daughter becoming "emancipated". And the very first thing they did was to come to HIS house and threaten HIM with legal action because she refused to go to school! "Small town justice" at it's very finest!

 

[JJJ]

As you said - let her try, give her plenty of rope, and then watch the eyes of everyone else in that meeting.

A question - she wants to be emancipated to live with her 16yo boyfriend. But doesn't he have to be emancipated too? What chance is there of that?
Marg

Since boyfriend is also in intensive treatment for mental illness, slim and none. However, they don't need to be emancipated to live together if they have parental permission -- he is also a child adopted from foster care and I'm guessing his parents are having the same giggle.

FWIW - I don't see anything wrong with staff supporting her attempts at emancipation. Sometimes, as you know, kids in group home/foster home situations will go from the home straight into adult life.

The plan is for her to go from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to a group home to supported housing to independent living. She just doesn't want to wait until 18 to "be free".

 

[AnnieO]

Onyxx had mentioned something similar a while back. I managed to keep a straight face, but told her what the requirements were.

She wasn't happy, but I've never heard about it again...

 

[KTMom91]

Miss KT made similar noises at around 14-15...I didn't manage to keep a straight face. Bad me.

 

[Frazzledmom]

My son's getting emancipated too...maybe they should all form a club and live together.

 

[DammitJanet]

Funny, Cory never tried for this one. He just wanted to bring every other difficult child on the planet to live with us here!

 

[JJJ]

Funny, Cory never tried for this one. He just wanted to bring every other difficult child on the planet to live with us here!

That's Tigger! Every difficult child, lost animal, stick and rock he can find.

 

[JJJ]

husband just got off the phone with her. She is very upset with him because he doesn't support her desire to go live with this boy. She explained that this is what she WANTS so therefore it is the right thing to do.

 

[timer lady]

​

Triple J, honey, I'm giggling & at the same time just so sad at Kanga's complete disconnect. kt & wm have both been "hinting", for lack of a better word, at the emancipation process. wm more so than kt.

Like you, I'm trying to put together some sort of after 18 care plan for the tweedles; emancipation at this point isn't a part of that plan.

So, I'd like to hear Kanga's well thought out plan for emancipation ~ her reasoning, her job seeking skills/endeavors, her budgeting & the like. I'd love to be a bug on the wall for this staffing meeting.

 

[susiestar]

Wow. This is one that Wiz never tried. He thought we should be held accountable to fund his every whim and want and he should not be accountable for anything that didn't thrill him at the moment - esp not logical/natural consequences of HIS choices and actions. No way did he want emancipation because HIS money shouldn't be used to pay for what he WANTED - that was OUR JOB. His money was there for him to have in case we said no, which we were not "allowed" to do in his world.

I often told him that when he was king of the universe it could happen his way, but until he was an adult it was going to be his dad and my way. He didn't want all the hassles of errands, grocery shopping, work, etc... - all of which he saw as the job of the parent even though putting any kind of restraint of him was NOT the job of anyone, esp the parent.

boy is Kanga going to be furious when she finally realizes that while she is allowed to ASK for this, that it is NOT going to happen and the adults in her world think it is funny. I hope and pray that some day she is capable of living on her own - getting there is going to be a long and winding road.

 

[JJJ]

I had a brief chat with her new therapist today (she changed units at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which results in a new case manager and therapist). Kanga has explained to the therapist that she doesn't understand what we still want her to accomplish while in treatment. therapist said "I don't know her well enough yet to know if she is manipulate or truly confused." I explained that she has had the same goal for over a year and has made no progress on it. That until that goal was accomplished, no others could be set. Her goal is to be polite to husband and I, accept our decisions and maintain appropriate behavior and language for increasing visit lengths.

I did not give them a heads up about her "emancipation goal". It should be an interesting meeting tomorrow. With former caseworker, Kanga got to speak first. I really hope this one lets her go first also. I want to hear her state that she needs to be emancipated cause she doesn't want to follow our rules. And then be reminded that the ability to follow our rules is one of her goals.