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<blockquote data-quote="strangeworld" data-source="post: 735529" data-attributes="member: 22313"><p>All of this is so confusing sometimes. Copa, I understand what you are saying. I am glad to know that on this forum I am not the only one who had a drinking problem. For me, it has been an overwhelming realization in the last couple years that part of the problem is me and my fear. And there's been a rude awakening that keeping alcohol out of the house since the day I quit did not keep my daughter from it in the end. Here I was, thinking if I could be sober, if my husband could be sober, my daughter and son would not end up an alcoholic or heavy drinker. </p><p></p><p>How naive to think abstinence on my part would break the cylce that appeared over and over in our bloodlines. I should have known that it is hereditary because I was adopted as an infant by two non-alcoholics. They would drink a beer or a glass of wine here or there but that was it - occasional,normal drinking. Now I think they drink every night during "cocktail hour" but still, they do not ever have more than one or two. My birth father was an alcoholic from what I believe. My birth mother, who I continue to have a long distance relationship with as I found her about 16 years ago, might be one, but I don't know. If anything she is more of a heavy drinker at times I believe, but I really don't know.</p><p></p><p>All I do know is I did offer my children the real me while they were growing up, and this is still the real me. For some odd reason, I always feel the need to bare my soul so that someone can say they understand. But I don't want my kids to see me weak so I have to do it here or with a therapist. None of us has a past free of some kind of regret. Copa, you and I also have the firsthand knowledge that quitting for good can be done - we have done it. Our kids can too. If nothing else, my daughter knows that her mom was able to stop. Maybe in some odd way, us going through our own battles was to "meant to be" so that we would be able to have more compassion and empathy for our kids when they go through it because in a way - we have been there. Copa, does your son know of your past struggles? </p><p></p><p>I do know what you mean about your son being your drug. That is part of my issue too. Maybe if we fix our kids we will be fixing ourselves? Proving that we are good - we are not tainted - we are truly good people. I thought about going to AA - maybe therein would be more of an camaraderie because I'm not sure how many of those at al-anon have actually been through alcoholism or problem drinking themselves. There must be some...it's hereditary. I'm sure there are more than we know. I go there to learn how to detach but I have not had much luck yet. It's a slow process. I have not really grasped the "program" yet. But I do like everything about it. </p><p></p><p>I think in a nutshell I have realized that I need to accept something. That alcoholism runs in our family and there's not a damn thing I can do to change that. That me staying away from alcohol is MY PERSONAL JOURNEY and no one else's. I quit for my kids but I truly did it for ME. The embarrassing acknowledgement that I thought I was saved by my daughter - I couldn't imagine being that drunk mom - was actually selfish. What a huge burden for her to carry if I ever told her that. I want her to quit drinking not for me, or her dad or her boyfriend or brother, but for HER. When I tell her it is painful to see her drunk, it's the truth. But the real sadness is that she probably drinks to fill the void - one that should be filled with self worth. Something that moms and dads are supposed to help their daughter's with. It feels like we missed the boat somewhere along the way. But it's done - there is only now and moving forward. There's still time. </p><p></p><p>I'm rambling now, but just wanted to say that sometimes when the truth starts to surface, it is painful but Copa, you are right. We are strong and we will be okay. The truth is freeing once the pain subsides.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strangeworld, post: 735529, member: 22313"] All of this is so confusing sometimes. Copa, I understand what you are saying. I am glad to know that on this forum I am not the only one who had a drinking problem. For me, it has been an overwhelming realization in the last couple years that part of the problem is me and my fear. And there's been a rude awakening that keeping alcohol out of the house since the day I quit did not keep my daughter from it in the end. Here I was, thinking if I could be sober, if my husband could be sober, my daughter and son would not end up an alcoholic or heavy drinker. How naive to think abstinence on my part would break the cylce that appeared over and over in our bloodlines. I should have known that it is hereditary because I was adopted as an infant by two non-alcoholics. They would drink a beer or a glass of wine here or there but that was it - occasional,normal drinking. Now I think they drink every night during "cocktail hour" but still, they do not ever have more than one or two. My birth father was an alcoholic from what I believe. My birth mother, who I continue to have a long distance relationship with as I found her about 16 years ago, might be one, but I don't know. If anything she is more of a heavy drinker at times I believe, but I really don't know. All I do know is I did offer my children the real me while they were growing up, and this is still the real me. For some odd reason, I always feel the need to bare my soul so that someone can say they understand. But I don't want my kids to see me weak so I have to do it here or with a therapist. None of us has a past free of some kind of regret. Copa, you and I also have the firsthand knowledge that quitting for good can be done - we have done it. Our kids can too. If nothing else, my daughter knows that her mom was able to stop. Maybe in some odd way, us going through our own battles was to "meant to be" so that we would be able to have more compassion and empathy for our kids when they go through it because in a way - we have been there. Copa, does your son know of your past struggles? I do know what you mean about your son being your drug. That is part of my issue too. Maybe if we fix our kids we will be fixing ourselves? Proving that we are good - we are not tainted - we are truly good people. I thought about going to AA - maybe therein would be more of an camaraderie because I'm not sure how many of those at al-anon have actually been through alcoholism or problem drinking themselves. There must be some...it's hereditary. I'm sure there are more than we know. I go there to learn how to detach but I have not had much luck yet. It's a slow process. I have not really grasped the "program" yet. But I do like everything about it. I think in a nutshell I have realized that I need to accept something. That alcoholism runs in our family and there's not a damn thing I can do to change that. That me staying away from alcohol is MY PERSONAL JOURNEY and no one else's. I quit for my kids but I truly did it for ME. The embarrassing acknowledgement that I thought I was saved by my daughter - I couldn't imagine being that drunk mom - was actually selfish. What a huge burden for her to carry if I ever told her that. I want her to quit drinking not for me, or her dad or her boyfriend or brother, but for HER. When I tell her it is painful to see her drunk, it's the truth. But the real sadness is that she probably drinks to fill the void - one that should be filled with self worth. Something that moms and dads are supposed to help their daughter's with. It feels like we missed the boat somewhere along the way. But it's done - there is only now and moving forward. There's still time. I'm rambling now, but just wanted to say that sometimes when the truth starts to surface, it is painful but Copa, you are right. We are strong and we will be okay. The truth is freeing once the pain subsides. [/QUOTE]
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