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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 186555" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I married my X at 17 yo too. When I went thru therapy, after the divorce , I was actually in therapy for different reasons. But, I was told by my therapist that some of us have a tendency to "choose" this type of mate because we have already internalized certain things or come from a dysfunctional family where we have already "learned a role". Until we get away from that and see things from a different perspective, we would be bound to go find another mate who would be the same way. It might sound difficult, but my therapy was pretty short in comparisom- once it becomes obvious to a person- ok it became obvious to me, and my therapist helped me define <strong><u>what I wanted for my own life</u></strong> and I started making choices that lead me in that direction, I got on a roll that was just as self-perpetuating as the self-destructive one that I had been on. </p><p></p><p>It can be done. I'm a little concerned though that you might need a better support system than what you currently have at home or what we can offer here. I think it would help you a great deal to see a therapist or get into group therapy or something where the support is more than "survival", codependence, and/or maintaining things the way they are.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 186555, member: 3699"] I married my X at 17 yo too. When I went thru therapy, after the divorce , I was actually in therapy for different reasons. But, I was told by my therapist that some of us have a tendency to "choose" this type of mate because we have already internalized certain things or come from a dysfunctional family where we have already "learned a role". Until we get away from that and see things from a different perspective, we would be bound to go find another mate who would be the same way. It might sound difficult, but my therapy was pretty short in comparisom- once it becomes obvious to a person- ok it became obvious to me, and my therapist helped me define [B][U]what I wanted for my own life[/U][/B] and I started making choices that lead me in that direction, I got on a roll that was just as self-perpetuating as the self-destructive one that I had been on. It can be done. I'm a little concerned though that you might need a better support system than what you currently have at home or what we can offer here. I think it would help you a great deal to see a therapist or get into group therapy or something where the support is more than "survival", codependence, and/or maintaining things the way they are. [/QUOTE]
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