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Empathy. Can it be taught to somebody that doesn't already have it?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 599528" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I don't think you really love him. You love the IDEA of having a person who loves you. You don't really know what that is like from what I can tell. This guy sure isn't in love with you, or loving toward you. He was loving when you were skinny and his idea of 'hot'. Not enough for it to last, but he treated you well because he KNEW you could get another guy by snapping your fingers. You settled for him because he treated you well. then you gained some weight and he saw you didn't have great self esteem so he didn't have to work so hard to keep you. You had a mom, so-called friends, an ex and kids all telling you how ugly you were and what a loser you were and he knew you would put up with anything because you put up with all of thsoe people. So he stopped treating you well, then started the mooching, and finally played on your sympathy to get into your home and now? He is not willing to do ANYTHING to treat you well, not even so much as to pick up after himself. Why should he? You clearly don't think you deserve more or you would have kicked him to the curb.</p><p></p><p>Give him a get out date and get yourself involved with something that interests you. Take a class in quilting, crocheting, knitting, sewing, cooking, horseback riding, or whatever else interests you. Or join an organization that helps people or advocates for something. Figure out what you are interested in and as you do that thing, you will meet someone with like interests. Then you can build a relationship where you treat each other well. </p><p></p><p>You cannot go back and do this with the guy currently living on your couch. Your home is too small for you and your chidl to have your own rooms, and with this guy on the couch the setup is not good or healthy. In fact, some courts would take your daughter away because you have a man living in the home and there are not enough separate bedroom for you and for your daughter to each have one and for this guy to have one. It is a basic rule in MOST communities that you need a bedroom for the couple and for the child, or if the couple sleeps apart then the adults and the child all need their own bedrooms. I have had friends in many different towns who ended up gaining what they wanted in custody because their spouse did't have a bedroom for the girls and one for the boys (if they had both) and one for the adult. In most apartment complexes this is written itno the lease and you can be tossed out for having another person there with-o enough bedrooms and with-o adding them to the lease (which makes the rent higher of course).</p><p></p><p>get this guy OUT before you either end up in custody trouble or else with the apt mgr saying you have violated your lease. this guy is NOT a prince and does NOT deserve you. Not only can he not learn empathy, it is n't worth the effort to even attempt to figure out how to teach it to him. </p><p></p><p>You deserve so very much more. Go and find it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 599528, member: 1233"] I don't think you really love him. You love the IDEA of having a person who loves you. You don't really know what that is like from what I can tell. This guy sure isn't in love with you, or loving toward you. He was loving when you were skinny and his idea of 'hot'. Not enough for it to last, but he treated you well because he KNEW you could get another guy by snapping your fingers. You settled for him because he treated you well. then you gained some weight and he saw you didn't have great self esteem so he didn't have to work so hard to keep you. You had a mom, so-called friends, an ex and kids all telling you how ugly you were and what a loser you were and he knew you would put up with anything because you put up with all of thsoe people. So he stopped treating you well, then started the mooching, and finally played on your sympathy to get into your home and now? He is not willing to do ANYTHING to treat you well, not even so much as to pick up after himself. Why should he? You clearly don't think you deserve more or you would have kicked him to the curb. Give him a get out date and get yourself involved with something that interests you. Take a class in quilting, crocheting, knitting, sewing, cooking, horseback riding, or whatever else interests you. Or join an organization that helps people or advocates for something. Figure out what you are interested in and as you do that thing, you will meet someone with like interests. Then you can build a relationship where you treat each other well. You cannot go back and do this with the guy currently living on your couch. Your home is too small for you and your chidl to have your own rooms, and with this guy on the couch the setup is not good or healthy. In fact, some courts would take your daughter away because you have a man living in the home and there are not enough separate bedroom for you and for your daughter to each have one and for this guy to have one. It is a basic rule in MOST communities that you need a bedroom for the couple and for the child, or if the couple sleeps apart then the adults and the child all need their own bedrooms. I have had friends in many different towns who ended up gaining what they wanted in custody because their spouse did't have a bedroom for the girls and one for the boys (if they had both) and one for the adult. In most apartment complexes this is written itno the lease and you can be tossed out for having another person there with-o enough bedrooms and with-o adding them to the lease (which makes the rent higher of course). get this guy OUT before you either end up in custody trouble or else with the apt mgr saying you have violated your lease. this guy is NOT a prince and does NOT deserve you. Not only can he not learn empathy, it is n't worth the effort to even attempt to figure out how to teach it to him. You deserve so very much more. Go and find it! [/QUOTE]
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Empathy. Can it be taught to somebody that doesn't already have it?
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