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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621315" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Wendy. I'm glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>How much was it to fix the damage to your home and property? You could pay yourself back for the damage HE did. Or not. </p><p></p><p>I can also see how that money could feel toxic to you too. </p><p></p><p>There is really no right or wrong in this issue..........it's all a matter of how it feels to you. My formula was something I heard in a codependency group I was in.........if it feels bad (often resentment)then it's likely enabling. If it feels good, it's likely loving kindness. Only you can decide where you stand on that one. He will likely blow the money on whatever, but in reality, it's his problem not yours. </p><p></p><p>There is a good article on detachment at the bottom of my post here..............perhaps you might find some assistance for your issue in reading it, it's very good.</p><p></p><p>Many if not most of our kids are extremely manipulative, so tread carefully while he is using or in rehab, it's more likely you are in relationship with the substance he is/was abusing, not him.</p><p></p><p>He is a grown man. At 23 he can figure out how to get his own car................like working for it.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting, it helps. We're here if you need us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621315, member: 13542"] Welcome Wendy. I'm glad you found us. How much was it to fix the damage to your home and property? You could pay yourself back for the damage HE did. Or not. I can also see how that money could feel toxic to you too. There is really no right or wrong in this issue..........it's all a matter of how it feels to you. My formula was something I heard in a codependency group I was in.........if it feels bad (often resentment)then it's likely enabling. If it feels good, it's likely loving kindness. Only you can decide where you stand on that one. He will likely blow the money on whatever, but in reality, it's his problem not yours. There is a good article on detachment at the bottom of my post here..............perhaps you might find some assistance for your issue in reading it, it's very good. Many if not most of our kids are extremely manipulative, so tread carefully while he is using or in rehab, it's more likely you are in relationship with the substance he is/was abusing, not him. He is a grown man. At 23 he can figure out how to get his own car................like working for it. Keep posting, it helps. We're here if you need us. [/QUOTE]
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