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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621329" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Wendy, I am just getting to the board and reading your post. I am so glad you posted, and I have a similar story to yours with my 24.5 yo son.</p><p></p><p><u>I think you did the best thing for you in giving him the money</u>. I had the exact same situation in terms of having about $400 of money relatives had given me for him. With him homeless on the street, I was agonizing about that money. Finally I gave it to him. </p><p>And I asked my family not to give me any more money for him. I suggested that they hold on to any gifts that would normally give him for a while. </p><p></p><p>My parents did send a check for $100 for him for Christmas to me. As I bought a bus ticket for him that was $89, I felt okay about using that $100 for the bus ticket, instead of using my money for it. </p><p></p><p>It's what we can live with. </p><p></p><p>When he got out of jail a few weeks ago, I left a $20 bill in an envelope on my front porch along with a list of shelters, halfway houses, and a backpack with some clothes, gloves, a coat, hat, and a bottled water and some protein bars. The note said I love you. A couple of days later, I learned he had been turned away from the Salvation Army shelter here when he failed a drug test to enter. Did my $20 go for drugs? </p><p></p><p>I could drive myself crazy with all of that, and I used to.</p><p></p><p>Today, I just have to work to let it go. He is going to do whatever he is going to do. As long as drugs are his master, he will do whatever he has to do to get them. My $20 or steal or whatever he does. '</p><p></p><p>Dealing with tangible things like money with our difficult children is a metaphor and good practice for the rest of it. What do we do about giving them food? A ride? Money? Deposits for a new place if they are talking the right talk? How do we know what the right thing is?</p><p></p><p>Today, it's much more about doing the right thing for me. Today, I value myself as much as I value my son. I am getting to the place of acceptance. I am staying in detachment pretty well. It was detachment with mad, but now it is moving toward detachment with compassion. My heart is softening again, and I am glad about that. </p><p></p><p>Wendy, this whole darn thing is such a day by day process. There is no clear answer, no absolutes. I think we have to do what brings us peace, serenity and contentment, and then try to do MORE of that.</p><p></p><p>Please keep posting. There is so much support here. There is so much respect here. You can take what you like and leave the rest. There is no "should". I hope writing about your decisions, your hopes and your fears and your experiences will help you heal like it has helped me heal. The more I write about "best practices", the more I want to practice those best practices, and the more firm my foundation is for doing so.</p><p></p><p>Blessings and peace and hope for you and your family---including your difficult child sons, today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621329, member: 17542"] Wendy, I am just getting to the board and reading your post. I am so glad you posted, and I have a similar story to yours with my 24.5 yo son. [U]I think you did the best thing for you in giving him the money[/U]. I had the exact same situation in terms of having about $400 of money relatives had given me for him. With him homeless on the street, I was agonizing about that money. Finally I gave it to him. And I asked my family not to give me any more money for him. I suggested that they hold on to any gifts that would normally give him for a while. My parents did send a check for $100 for him for Christmas to me. As I bought a bus ticket for him that was $89, I felt okay about using that $100 for the bus ticket, instead of using my money for it. It's what we can live with. When he got out of jail a few weeks ago, I left a $20 bill in an envelope on my front porch along with a list of shelters, halfway houses, and a backpack with some clothes, gloves, a coat, hat, and a bottled water and some protein bars. The note said I love you. A couple of days later, I learned he had been turned away from the Salvation Army shelter here when he failed a drug test to enter. Did my $20 go for drugs? I could drive myself crazy with all of that, and I used to. Today, I just have to work to let it go. He is going to do whatever he is going to do. As long as drugs are his master, he will do whatever he has to do to get them. My $20 or steal or whatever he does. ' Dealing with tangible things like money with our difficult children is a metaphor and good practice for the rest of it. What do we do about giving them food? A ride? Money? Deposits for a new place if they are talking the right talk? How do we know what the right thing is? Today, it's much more about doing the right thing for me. Today, I value myself as much as I value my son. I am getting to the place of acceptance. I am staying in detachment pretty well. It was detachment with mad, but now it is moving toward detachment with compassion. My heart is softening again, and I am glad about that. Wendy, this whole darn thing is such a day by day process. There is no clear answer, no absolutes. I think we have to do what brings us peace, serenity and contentment, and then try to do MORE of that. Please keep posting. There is so much support here. There is so much respect here. You can take what you like and leave the rest. There is no "should". I hope writing about your decisions, your hopes and your fears and your experiences will help you heal like it has helped me heal. The more I write about "best practices", the more I want to practice those best practices, and the more firm my foundation is for doing so. Blessings and peace and hope for you and your family---including your difficult child sons, today. [/QUOTE]
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