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encopresis (again) [okay...still]
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<blockquote data-quote="Estherfromjerusalem" data-source="post: 87051" data-attributes="member: 77"><p>Very dear Myfirstandlast,</p><p></p><p>I can't begin to describe how much I feel for you. I coped with encopresis in my son from age four and a half until just over thirteen, and believe me when I say that I know where you are at. I got absolutely no help at all from my pediatrician, and we coped with it alone. Alone. Until the glorious day, when he was about 10 or so, when I discovered a support group on the internet for parents of children with encopresis. We weren't hooked up to the internet at home then, but my place of work hooked up and when I discovered it, I just surfed and surfed, and printed out stuff, and sat in front of the computer for two days, crying, while my work-mates tiptoed around me.</p><p></p><p>Look, I could write you a book here, but I think the post will be too long. I'll just tell you this: For your own peace of mind, I must tell you straight out: IT IS NOBODY'S FAULT. Not the parents. Not the child. It is caused initially by constipation (what causes the constipation is another matter entirely, and of course the child should initially be checked by a pediatric gastro doctor to rule out any other problems). It is very very rare indeed that encopresis is caused by sexual abuse or used by the child as a control mechanism. Because of the constipation, there is pressure on the nerves at the bottom of the colon and at the anus, and these nerves become damaged and the child truly doesn't feel when he goes. Also, liquid stools that have not yet hardened leak out around the backed-up stuff and come out, and the child doesn't feel it. He also develops, as a sort of defense mechanism, a feeling of not smelling it when he goes.</p><p></p><p>Don't let the psychiatrists drive you mad. I have walked that path, too. The only thing I can tell you in that direction is that you must not get angry with him or get into arguments with him about it. He can't help it. It is not his fault. You have to love him, accept him, and hug him, and assure him that you love him and always will. And that goes for your husband too. Punishments do not help at all. They just make it worse.</p><p></p><p>If you want me to carry on, about how I coped with it etc., and if this subject is OK with the Board here, I will. Ask me specific questions. You can PM me too, although I think talking about this out loud will help other parents who are coping with the problem.</p><p></p><p>I truly do have a lot of input on this subject. But for now, I'll end on an optimistic note: Usually it just sort of disappears at puberty. I don't know why, but that's what happened with ALL the parents on the support group I belonged to. I don't think it's active any more. It was called encopresisinfoexchange, and it was done vie e-mail. Look for it in Google. And please feel free to ask me anything you want.</p><p></p><p>Sending you as much support as it is possible to send over the cyber waves, and a big hug.</p><p></p><p>Love, Esther</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Estherfromjerusalem, post: 87051, member: 77"] Very dear Myfirstandlast, I can't begin to describe how much I feel for you. I coped with encopresis in my son from age four and a half until just over thirteen, and believe me when I say that I know where you are at. I got absolutely no help at all from my pediatrician, and we coped with it alone. Alone. Until the glorious day, when he was about 10 or so, when I discovered a support group on the internet for parents of children with encopresis. We weren't hooked up to the internet at home then, but my place of work hooked up and when I discovered it, I just surfed and surfed, and printed out stuff, and sat in front of the computer for two days, crying, while my work-mates tiptoed around me. Look, I could write you a book here, but I think the post will be too long. I'll just tell you this: For your own peace of mind, I must tell you straight out: IT IS NOBODY'S FAULT. Not the parents. Not the child. It is caused initially by constipation (what causes the constipation is another matter entirely, and of course the child should initially be checked by a pediatric gastro doctor to rule out any other problems). It is very very rare indeed that encopresis is caused by sexual abuse or used by the child as a control mechanism. Because of the constipation, there is pressure on the nerves at the bottom of the colon and at the anus, and these nerves become damaged and the child truly doesn't feel when he goes. Also, liquid stools that have not yet hardened leak out around the backed-up stuff and come out, and the child doesn't feel it. He also develops, as a sort of defense mechanism, a feeling of not smelling it when he goes. Don't let the psychiatrists drive you mad. I have walked that path, too. The only thing I can tell you in that direction is that you must not get angry with him or get into arguments with him about it. He can't help it. It is not his fault. You have to love him, accept him, and hug him, and assure him that you love him and always will. And that goes for your husband too. Punishments do not help at all. They just make it worse. If you want me to carry on, about how I coped with it etc., and if this subject is OK with the Board here, I will. Ask me specific questions. You can PM me too, although I think talking about this out loud will help other parents who are coping with the problem. I truly do have a lot of input on this subject. But for now, I'll end on an optimistic note: Usually it just sort of disappears at puberty. I don't know why, but that's what happened with ALL the parents on the support group I belonged to. I don't think it's active any more. It was called encopresisinfoexchange, and it was done vie e-mail. Look for it in Google. And please feel free to ask me anything you want. Sending you as much support as it is possible to send over the cyber waves, and a big hug. Love, Esther [/QUOTE]
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