Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
end of my rope
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 385374"><p>Hi GB,</p><p></p><p>Well I agree that relationship is important but I think the relationship right now that has to be worked on is the one with your wife. Clearly the two of you are not in the same place on what to do about your difficult child. This has got to be causing a lot of resentment and strife between you. Your difficult child can play that to the hilt if he wants. I really suggest you find a marriage counselor that you can both go to and both be honest. I am sure you resent her enablement of your son. I am sure that on some level she feels you just don't understand her feelings as his mother. I know for my husband and I it helped a lot for us to talk to someone together. In our case I was the one further along in the journey to not enabling him but it wasn't going to work if I stopped enabling him if my husband continued to do so. It was much more effective when my husband stepped in and also took a stand. My son listened then because when his dad took a stand he knew there was no way out. So I really feel you and your wife needs some help on this together, otherwise this is going to break the two of you apart.</p><p></p><p>Allan - I am curious because it is not in your signature. How old is your difficult child and what is the situation? You may have stated that somewhere else on the board but I haven't seen it. </p><p></p><p>My experience with my son is that tryingn to take him out fo a heart to heart would not have worked. He did not show any indication of wanting a relationship with me. What I had to do was stop enabling him and then in little ways still let him know I loved him and was there. I do think it is important that they know you care about them, but a 16 year old who is abusing drugs and does not really want a relationship with you is not going to easily sit down for a chat. At least I know mine wouldn't. He would have responded by being very sullen, giving one word grunt answers and I would have felt awful. It just plain would not have worked at this point in time. </p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like GB is not talking to difficult child for his own mental survival. I get that. Sometimes that is what you have to do. You have to step back and disengage. We are human too and constant rejection and disrespect by a difficult child takes it toll.</p><p></p><p>I now look for the little ways my difficult child connects to me. If I look they are there. So for example he still has his cell phone in rehab. He is texting us here and there and asking us a question. It is a practical question with not a lot of emotion but he is still contacting us and that is good. So I take it for what it is and of course I always respond.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 385374"] Hi GB, Well I agree that relationship is important but I think the relationship right now that has to be worked on is the one with your wife. Clearly the two of you are not in the same place on what to do about your difficult child. This has got to be causing a lot of resentment and strife between you. Your difficult child can play that to the hilt if he wants. I really suggest you find a marriage counselor that you can both go to and both be honest. I am sure you resent her enablement of your son. I am sure that on some level she feels you just don't understand her feelings as his mother. I know for my husband and I it helped a lot for us to talk to someone together. In our case I was the one further along in the journey to not enabling him but it wasn't going to work if I stopped enabling him if my husband continued to do so. It was much more effective when my husband stepped in and also took a stand. My son listened then because when his dad took a stand he knew there was no way out. So I really feel you and your wife needs some help on this together, otherwise this is going to break the two of you apart. Allan - I am curious because it is not in your signature. How old is your difficult child and what is the situation? You may have stated that somewhere else on the board but I haven't seen it. My experience with my son is that tryingn to take him out fo a heart to heart would not have worked. He did not show any indication of wanting a relationship with me. What I had to do was stop enabling him and then in little ways still let him know I loved him and was there. I do think it is important that they know you care about them, but a 16 year old who is abusing drugs and does not really want a relationship with you is not going to easily sit down for a chat. At least I know mine wouldn't. He would have responded by being very sullen, giving one word grunt answers and I would have felt awful. It just plain would not have worked at this point in time. It sounds to me like GB is not talking to difficult child for his own mental survival. I get that. Sometimes that is what you have to do. You have to step back and disengage. We are human too and constant rejection and disrespect by a difficult child takes it toll. I now look for the little ways my difficult child connects to me. If I look they are there. So for example he still has his cell phone in rehab. He is texting us here and there and asking us a question. It is a practical question with not a lot of emotion but he is still contacting us and that is good. So I take it for what it is and of course I always respond. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
end of my rope
Top