End of week 1 with Buck

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Feb 2, 2013.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think I am getting better at dealing with him and Tony is backing me up more.

    I am absolutely not allowing him to be a lump while he is "temporarily staying" with us and that is exactly how I put it to him. He wants to sleep in as long as he can every day and then get up and sit in a chair in the living room and watch tv all day long. He will make himself something to eat, never asking if what he is using is okay for him to eat, and then leave the dirty dishes and pans laying there for someone else to wash. Well I have put a stop to that. The other day...Thursday in fact, I told him to wash all the dishes which were only a few plastic things and some pots and pans and silverware. Tony was bringing home Chinese for dinner. He didnt do anything but was a couple of pots and pans that I could see. Maybe. Not sure. He did change the water in the sink and put all the plastic stuff back into it along with the silverware. So that never got done. One of the major pans I wanted washed was a glass 9x13 pan that had been used for baked chicken or something and been left on the counter for about a week. It was still sitting there after he so called washed all the dishes...lol. Today when I confronted him about it and he said he washed them all, I picked it up and said "Oh really?"

    Anyway, today I told him when Tony was not here because he took Keyana to the grocery store and it was only Buck and me here that if he was going to be here then he had to contribute to the household in some way and that was he was going to be responsible for keeping the kitchen and anywhere he goes clean. He will also do anything we ask of him without an argument. I said everyone else here contributes and so will he. We provide him a roof over his head, food in his belly, water, and electricity to keep warm and to watch tv...plus the most expensive cable and internet package around. If he doesnt want to do what we ask of him, dont let the door hit ya.

    Tony came home not long after that and they all put some groceries away and then Keyana wanted to go play outside for a bit. When Tony came back inside later he laughed at me and said "so you told Buck he had to work for his room and board huh?" I said yep. He told me good. You have to get on to him like a 5 year old or he will take advantage. Buck was trying to clean a frying pan where Tony had fried chicken patties last night and he went to pour the used grease into the trash can. Tony had to yell at him and tell him STOP...do not pour grease into a trash bag because that will cause the dogs to dig in it. Grease gets taken out to the edge of the woods. Gee...didnt he grow up in the country?
     
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Glad Tony is finally backing you up again, hope that continues.
     
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I hope the backup continues too! That part is good to hear. But, honey... Unless he REALLY starts pulling his share... Don't let Tony get complacent either!!!
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You're letting him off EASY...
    Reallly, Janet... all he has to do is the general kitchen tidy, and not make a mess the other places he goes in the house? My difficult child has to do more than that... a LOT more than that. Like... snow-shoveling, lawn-cutting, bathroom major scrub jobs (I don't expect a guy to do a picture-perfect job on mirrors and such... but scrubbing showers and tubs? yup), car washing, vacuuming...

    You need 40 hours a week of labour out of him, if he isn't working and contributing cash to the household. If he's working, he can pay half in cash and half in labour... (just my opinion...) OR... you can cut him a few hours off, if he is seriously putting effort on the job-search process.
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Good for you and I hope to heaven that Tony keeps backing you up.

    Odds are if he is forced to "work" for room/board he's not gonna want to stick around long. Make sure to add the trash to that list........I seem to recall you having issues getting it out to where you burn it. Perfect job for Buck.
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh trash is part of Kitchen.

    Also next week dont forget I am sending him out the door first thing in the morning to look for work and not letting him back in until 5. We have several people trying to push his ample :censored2: to get a move on but he seems to want to take his sweet time. Another friend/cousin/relative...not sure which...called the other day and told Buck to get his birth certificate together along with his SSC and his ID and he would go with him to the local tribal place to help him get his indian card to see if they could help him get some sort of housing help. Well Tony asked him last night to look for that birth certificate, we never saw him look, Paul called this evening asking him...he hemmed and hawed...said he thought it was in his car but he looked in the back seat but it wasnt there so it must be in all these boxes he has packed up. Hmmm. I asked him, didnt I tell you to take your birth certificate with you to social security with you on Thursday? He told me oh they didnt need it. I said well they will.

    Its so strange. Keyana has been here this whole weekend and she gets along great with him and loves to play with him. I finally realized why when I was sitting down and actually listened to them. They are about on the same developmental age level! The things I have to explain to Keyana , I have to explain to him. There is one thing she is better than him at though...technology. He cant use anything like tablets or computers. He has no clue how to deal with kids though. Tony decided to come to bed because he was tired. Buck said he would sit out in the living room with her until she got tired. When Tony came to bed he turned off the lights and came to bed. Buck got back up and turned the lights back on and he and Keyana were sitting up in the living room eating cookies. I told Keyana to give me the cookies and lay down on the couch. I fixed my drink which is what I went out there for. I changed the channel on TV from the wrestling that they were watching to the Disney Channel and turned out the lights. I fixed her a cup of warm milk and I told Buck he could go in his room to watch wrestling. He just sat there. Then he decided he wanted to make a phone call to someone using Tony's phone because his phone is dead. Now Tony broke the screen on his phone the other day but the phone actually still works and I am due for an upgrade on my line in a few days so we are just waiting for me to upgrade and I will hand him down my phone. I actually have my phone in an otterbox. but anyway...buck goes to make a call and he hits call and it calls the last number dialed which was me. Evidently he hears me saying "Hello? Is this Keyana? Are you playing with Papa's phone?" Then I heard nothing. No giggling, nothing. All I heard was paper crinkling and the tv in the background. So I walked out to the living room because the phone never did hang up. As I walked out of the room with my phone in my hand, I saw Buck walking back from the Kitchen to the family room. He says yeah yeah I tried to call uh Timmy on the phone because I know he has Timmys number on there but I heard you on there and didnt want you to know I was using it.

    Okay. Lets be real here. The phone is in the kitchen. I know Tony doesnt have Timmy's number on the phone but that is not the point here. The phone is in the kitchen. The owner of the phone is snoring in bed beside me. There are only 3 people in my house. One is in his bedroom with the door shut. Two are in the living room. Why wouldnt he just answer and say oh I made a wrong number call. He is so stupid and lies for the dumbest things.
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet, you know Buck better than I do so you can judge better..........but I wouldn't let Buck be near Keyana unsupervised. I'm not thinking "cookies" here. Know what I mean??
     
  8. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Not enough chores, send him into the bathroom with cleaning supplies, then think of something else. He's like a difficult child who just got a reprieve from doing anything, so why should he? keeping giving him things to do. Maybe make a list and have Tony hand it to him or give it to him in front of Tony. He'll make a joke of it, that's how socially unacceptable he is, but ignore that and tell him he will leave.
     
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Yeah! Glad Tony supported you. I would use an abundance of caution when it comes to Keyana too. You really don't know all there is about him. He is unstable, has.poor judgement, is impulsive, and it only takes one bad day. I'm not even exclusively thinking of his being directly inappropriate with her, he could be.careless in any number of ways.

    Stay strong, I wish you were not in this position.
     
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Giving him chores and Tony backing you up is a good start. I too would be cautious about leaving him alone with Keyana. If he is on the same level as you say, then you are leaving two 5 year olds to their own devices. -RM
     
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well no luck with the birth certificate. Im wondering if he ever actually had it when he came down here like he claims he did. He keeps claiming he had it with the title to the car he bought from Cory but I keep pointing out that he bought the car from Cory after he came down here so that wouldnt make a whole lot of sense. I could see it being with the title to his old car. I asked him if he checked the folder with all his papers from the clinic that he brought with him when he first came down and he keeps looking at me like I have two heads. I am wondering if he just gave all them to the clinic and didnt keep them. If so, the birth certificate may have been in there. He wont show me that envelope. He also wont show the title either though. Supposedly he has gone through all the boxes but I have seen him, all I see is they have moved around. He doesnt move that fast so I am wondering if he is just opening then and glancing in and then closing them.

    One other thing I am going to make him look for and give to me is the dremmel tool he is using. Tony gave it to him to use to make his indian pipes but Tony never asked me if it was okay. That dremmel was my mothers and I dont want him to use it. If he loses it or breaks it I am going to be extremely ticked off. He has already broken one blade but that only costs a dollar to replace. So far I havent seen him get it out to use it and he has said all his tools got stolen and I am very afraid that was in his tools. I cant imagine he wouldnt have taken it with him to TN to use in his spare time. I have told Tony I want it back because it will cause very hard feelings between us if that gets gone. It better be returned to me.

    Getting Bucks BC is going to be a pain in the rear. He was born in MD. I cant order it online because they will only take a verified credit card in his name and he doesnt have one. This means we have to send it in the mail which will take 6 to 8 weeks just to get it. He isnt going to be here that long over my dead body. I dont think Tony can take him that long either. He is getting on Tony's nerves too. It will cost 24 bucks just to get one copy and he really needs to two to keep an extra copy with him. Hell I will keep the copy. I have everyone else's. However, I am not paying for these. He must get a job to get the money. He also needs money to pay for his car insurance that is coming due in a week and he is trying to get us to buy him cigarettes which is really ticking Tony off. Tony says if he cant afford to buy cigarettes he might as well quit.

    Billy found out a sub place is hiring and told Buck and Buck said...huh, dont think I want it because it only pays minimum. What? Thats better than nothing. The public housing said he could get in as long as he had any income. I am staying awake this morning until about 9 o clock to I can go in there and wake him up and tell him to get dressed and tell him he has to put on a good shirt and good pants and head out to look for work all day. He can make a pbj sandwich for lunch and I will fill up a 2 liter bottle with water for him to drink if he wants it.

    I dont imagine he will be happy with me.

    Last night Tony came in and threw one hell of a fit over the way the dishes had been done and all of us knew who had one them. I would have never left them the way they were left. We dont have a dishwasher so we have to wash the dishes and use a dish strainer beside the sink on the right hand side on the double sink. We have a towel there and what doesnt fit in the dish strainer just gets stacked beside it. Well Buck didnt use the strainer in any sort of normal way. It looked like a game of Jinga. As if if you pulled one one item out, the whole shebang would come falling down.

    A piece of silverware was in the dish strainer, I few more bigger things like slotted spoons and spatulas too, then a lid was laying across it, then a bowl was tilted one way with a plate was stacked hither and yon, with other bowls under and over here and there under pots and pans. It was a real mess. Things could have crashed down and broken. Tony stood there and fixed it all and turned around and said....it isnt so darned hard to do it right. It better be done right from now on or someone will be doing it again. Buck just looked down and then looked straight at me. I looked back at him and said...why are you looking at me? Its your job.

    I made a decent dinner. Not exactly gourmet but filling and didnt taste bad. It was chicken strips cut into pieces and then terriyake veggies and rice. Seasoned with soy sauce. Billy, Tony and I all ate our portions and liked it. Buck put hot sauce and loaded his down with extra salt and pepper without tasting it. Now soy sauce has a lot of salt in it and I tried to tell him that but he wouldnt listen to me. He ate about 3 bites and said it wasnt edible. Oh well. He did it to himself. I just wonder what he got into after we went to bed.
     
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Buck had food stamps didn't he? He would've needed a BC for that. Oh, and welfare will help provide him with a copy of his BC for free......just an FYI. He can sign up for food stamps again because of being unemployed too. They had to do this for Katie, M, Kayla and Evan. Alex was born here so it wasn't a big deal. I don't understand why it seems so difficult for certain people to hold on to such things. I made it a point to tell Katie at least 10 times that if she was planning on coming here that she HAD to have all their birth certificates FIRST. She came with NONE. No shot records either. Now gimme a break, I'd held onto copies of her BC for nearly 30 yrs........she was lucky I had one left. I told her when I gave it to her it was the last one so to take care of it. Bet she's right back to not having a single BC again. ugh

    I'm glad he's aggravating Tony this time. LOL Awful, I know, but that is what you need to have happen to get Tony to see Buck's con.

    Between you being no nonsense about the job ect and both of you expecting him to work around the house for his keep.......I imagine Buck will be moving on soon as he can land himself someone else to con. LOL

    I do have to say though that if M helped me with housework........I didn't have to ask EVER and he did it right the first time most of the time. If not it was because he hadn't done it before and he'd usually ask how to do it the right way. He never helped himself to the food either, nor did Katie. They always asked. Although I thought their choice in "snack food" odd as it was always bread. M has managed to hold onto his job for 2 yrs too. (holy moly! I wonder if Buck is supposed to make me see M isn't quite as bad a difficult child, that it could be worse LOL) Katie on the other hand never moved a muscle......
     
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I asked Buck if DSS took a copy of his BC when he applied for food stamps and he said no. Im not sure if they would ask or not to be honest. They really might not. I know social security asked him to bring it with him but obviously he didnt. Now he cannot get food stamps again until September or October unless somehow he lucks out and they dont notice that he has been suspended for fraud. I have no idea if they will. Supposedly it is now so computerized that they wont have a choice but to notice it because the system will kick it out. I actually hope so. I am tired of single people who can support themselves getting everything for free and living off the system for life. He walks fairly fine when he is just around me in the house but when Tony is home, boy does he put on the show. Its like he can hardly walk without this awful limp but nowhere in his paperwork is there evidence of a true issue with his hip other than "patient reports pain in hip and lower back". MRI scheduled for lower back and findings were unremarkable for man of his age and weight. Im sure he has some arthritis in his joints because he is overweight and hasnt taken care of himself. He laughs like hell when either Tony or I limp because he says we are copying him. Oh bs.

    Sigh, I went and knocked on his door an hour and a half ago. He still hasnt gotten up to leave the house. It doesnt even take Mandy this long to get ready! I think I am going to make a list of places I want him to go look for work and I want him to get them to sign that he actually went in there to apply...lol.
     
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    omg Im ticked off with Tony again...

    I got Buck up...after it taking well over an hour and 45 minutes and I printed out a list of places for him to go. I handed him the list and he started arguing with me over the places saying he couldnt apply at half the places and I said oh yes he could and he better do it. Then he said he didnt have the gas and he needed to make some pipe for someone on the van and Tony told him he could do that before looking for a job. I said nope, you can do that when you can get home while watching tv after you do the job searches. He kept arguing with me saying Tony said this. I said I will get Tony on the phone and I got Tony on the phone and told him he better back me up and I was putting him on speaker phone and he better tell him to get his ass out there and look for the jobs or I was calling the cops today. Tony got pissy on me and said to just let him talk to him tonight and I said NO...right now. He made me let him talk to him not on speaker and one thing Buck said that I could hear was "yeah she's a Marine". Obviously Tony said something about me ordering him around.

    Tony thinks I need to be easier on him because he hurts. Oh bs. I dont baby myself like this. If they want to see me whine and complain about how much I hurt I will start. I have always been stoic about how much pain Im in because I dont see where its going to do much good to complain and whine all day long about how much I hurt. I do become a giant baby when I have acute pain but my everyday pain, well that is something I have learned to live with and I just grimace and bite my tongue and go on about what I have to do. Well no more. I am going to moan and complain and scream and carry on about every single twinge.
     
  15. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I've been watching for a Buck post from you. Ugh, can't wait till that loser gets gone. I could not do it, I would be in prison, I am afraid. Seriously. I would love to have heard him say you were a Marine!!! Lol, too funny. And the look on his face when you gave him the list of places to go and apply. Will anyone really hire him? I just can't imagine going to a sandwich shop and having him waiting on me. I'de be afraid to eat anything he fixed. I ust can't see anyone putting up with that fool. I wish you had a better brother in law. Hope he gets out soon.
     
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so darned ticked now. I started breaking out in little bumps the day before yesterday. It started on my wrists and quite quickly started moving up my arms and then onto my legs and then my trunk today. They are in clusters of three or straight lines. I had to take Cory for a dental appointment and the dental hygentist is someone the boys grew up and she took one look at me scratching and said...oh those are bed bug bites!

    I freaked out. Now my house is messy and I cant clean for nothing but we have never in all my life had bed bugs. Never. Im not entirely sure why but I know we never have. Now Buck brought all his stuff, including a mattress and box spring, and stored it in my dining room. Tony happened to get one of my sweaters out of my car and he threw it into the house and it landed on Bucks mattress and it sat there for about a week before I grabbed it and brought it into my room. From there it sat on the edge of my bed for a few hours before I put it up.

    Now also think about the fact that Buck slept in "the guest room" which is also where Tony/Keyana sleep when he isnt here. He came here on the 16th and slept there the 16th, 17th and then left on the 18th. Keyana slept in that room on the 18th and then Tony slept in that room from the 19th until Buck came back on the 28th. Or thereabouts.

    I went in and looked at his mattress in the dining room and it was crawling with bedbugs. I called Tony on the phone to make sure he would be behind me on this and he told me yes, we had to get it out of the house because now our house is full of them. In fact, Tony told Buck when they were moving that he thought the mattress looked suspicious but Buck told him it was just dirty! I cant believe he took that risk with our house. I went down to Bucks door and banged on it and told him his mattress and box spring were covered in bed bugs and it had to be taken out to the yard...NOW! He comes out and tries to look all over it and tell me that its just dirt and "tiny red roaches". I showed Buck my arms and said roaches dont cause bites like these. I told him the doctor told me these were bed bug bites and I knew we had never had bed bugs before and his bed had to go. Then he got mad and said he had a guitar in his junk piled up in there before he left for that so called job in TN and now it was missing. Someone here stole it. I never saw a guitar. I called Tony about this so called guitar and Tony told me that Buck put the guitar in his trunk when they moved from his rooming house. Buck wouldnt let him put it in his truck. It was probably in his trunk. I sent him out to look in his trunk. Buck says it isnt there. Well Buck had a bunch of stuff stolen in SC and maybe that got stolen there too. Or he sold it there when he sold the stuff I think he says was stolen. So obviously he is now trying to make us bad guys in his eyes. Tony knows that stupid guitar never came in the house and knows none of us would take it because none of us play...well Jamie does but he hasnt been down and Jamie has like 5 of his own.

    This should be interesting tonight.

    Oh, Buck had Billy up last night till after midnight doing online applications and a resume because he was supposed to go to a couple of interviews today but he never did. Hmmm...guess he really wants to work doesnt he?
     
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    UGH. I was hoping for a better update than this. *HUGS*
     
  18. nerfherder

    nerfherder Active Member

    I would guess the guitar argument was an attempt to distract you from the argument. Rough, but it can't be permitted. :) "We can talk about your guitar later. Did you know bedbugs can give you Spotted Typhus?"

    (OK, that's lice, not bedbugs. Mom had Spotted Typhus during The War and all her hair fell out.)

    :) my favorite martial arts instructor never lied, but occasionally had to tell a "conditional truth" to drive a lesson home.
     
  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh well................. holy HELL!

    Now? Tony is gonna have to let you get help in there to clean, professional help, because the trailer is gonna have to be spotless so the extermination crew can spray every nook and cranny.........and odds are it's going to have to be done several times. Bed bugs, I hear, are very hard to get rid of and it sounds like he brought a ton of them in with him. omg!

    You need to just burn Buck's mattress and box springs, torch em, big fire. No joke. But you'll still need the whole trailer done as well.

    This may be exactly what you needed to light a fire under Tony's rear and get him to see the reality with Buck. With Fred over Katie it was an major lice infestation. Going through it the first time was bad enough, but when we found out she didn't bother to even use the shampoo.........and we all got them again (of course) I nearly killed the girl. Second time I scrubbed her head with the shampoo (could've cared less she was 21 yrs old) and made sure it was done right. Fred wanted her out of the house and he wanted her out immediately. He had to wait a few months until an apartment came open.....but still, no more argument from him. lol

    I am sooooooooooooo sorry you're going to have to go through this hell.

    omg

    (((hugs)))
     
  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Janet... been there done that and let me tell you. Bedbugs are HORRIBLE.Now honestly having them doesn't mean the home is dirty (though I am sure Buck isn't the cleanest person in the world...) But... To get rid of them... Your ENTIRE HOUSE will have to be cleaned TOP TO BOTTOM and then you get to have the exterminators come which is NOT CHEAP. Ohio outlawed the only chemical that works really well - propoxifur I think it's called - I hope for your sake that your exterminators can use it. because how we got rid of them I do not think you can do with your health issues.Heat can kill them, but you're looking at a lot hotter than you want to get much of anything. They LOVE wood, drywall, electrical outlets, and of course mattresses.:hugs:
     
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