Ended up kicking Ant out.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Mom2oddson, Oct 3, 2011.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Since this isn't our first go-around on the "Kick Ant out of the House" you'd think it would get easier. Nope, not even a little bit.

    ....well, in a way it was. We didn't get pulled into his garbage as much and his deflextion tactics didn't work that well either. So in one way, it was easier, but it still leaves us feeling like we got hit by a bus.

    On Wednesday I let him know that I was tired of him treating our home as a flop house or homeless shelter: just a place to crash when there was no better offer or when he wanted money. That night he showed up after I went to bed and was gone before I got back from work.

    He was gone and there was no word until Friday night when he called to say he wouldn't be home that night. Whatever. Woke up Saturday morning with his car in the driveway but he was nowhere in sight. Sunday Morning, still hadn't seen him or heard from him.

    So, I told husband that I was going to say something about it. husband said go for it. Sent Ant a text that said "What part of not treating my home as a flop house did you not understand? You need to sit down with your Dad and talk about the car"

    Ant called husband. And it was all fu and shut the f up and you have no right to tell me anything. husband hung up. I sent a text saying that as long as we are providing your cell phone, co-signed on your car loan, got you on our car insurance and you are living in our house for free, we have all the rights to say how you will live your life.

    His response was "I'll go live with crack-heads then". My response to that was "You are acting like one. And that only takes care of the living arrangements, which one is going to pay for your cell phone, put you on their insurance and take over as co-signer."

    Got back "Just because I smoke pot you can't say I act like a crack-head".... My response. "I just finished paying off your rehab stay and you thank my kindness by smoking pot?"

    To which came "Dad smokes pot!" My response "deflextion - the best defense when you don't have a snowballs chance in heck of proving your right".

    My next response was "Your smoking pot was no shock. Your whole attitude changes when you smoke pot and I noticed the changes weeks ago. And it doesn't matter if the whole world is smoking pot, it doesn't excuse your actions. As long as you are legally tied to us (cell phone, car insurance, car loan, living in our house) we, your Dad & I have a say one what you do. We have worked too hard and too long to lose everything we have so that you can be stupid. I love you very much, but not enough to end up homeless. "

    I got back a "I'm sorry Mom".... to which I responded "Sorry is just a word unless it is followed by actions. What actions are you going to take to PROVE that you are truely sorry".

    We moved Ant's car to a safe location, and then we (including the dogs) left the house. We went to my folks. Then I took Grandma out to the casino. While I was gone, Ray called Ant to say "We need to talk" (second time he was told that we would be talking today)

    So, last night, when we got home there was still nothing from Ant. So I sent a text of "when will you be here to talk?" He immediately called husband to say "Pick me up!" husband and I talked, made our decisions and met Ant. We picked him up and pulled into the nearest parking area and talked.

    Ant was all attitude from the second he got into the car. Ant is great at not taking ANY responsibility and a master at deflextion. But we held our ground. Told him he was not going to use the car, in fact, he's to sign off his part of the car so it can be sold, ect.... husband made Ant give him his key to the car. Mr Attitude says "Fine! You WILL drive me everywhere I need to go!"...... "Ummm, no we aren't. You are no longer going to live with us, we are kicking you out."

    And that came as a total shock to the kid. He thought saying FU and all the other stuff to his Dad would have no consequences.

    But looking at Ant, we know that he is doing more than just pot. He's gone back down that road. And now we are stuck with having to make car payments on a car that we won't have total ownership on unless we can get the brat to sign off. This is part of the reason we haven't turned off his cell yet. Figure we need a way to get in touch with him until we get the car out of his name or a bribing tool to use until we get him to sign whatever we need him to sign.

    Oh...and for those wondering..... I gave husband a HUGE "I TOLD YOU SO!!! From now on, listen to me!!" husband got the point and he also has an extra case of the guilts but that's good. It will remind him to listen to his wife!

    I'm not going to be at peace until we get Ant's junk out of my house and the car out of his name.

    But, I did have some fun with Ant's deflextions. Saying husband does Pot so therefore he can was a good one. I liked how he talked to a cop and had the cop give him a definition of a flop-house and couldn't use that word that way because I didn't know what I was talking about. Or how we don't know the law, if someone hits him no matter how high he is, he wouldn't get in trouble, he knows the law and we don't.
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    You are so far ahead of me - I admire what you did and conviction with which you did it.

    (I am such a mess today. And reading your post has helped me remember that my kid is a difficult child almost to the point of being laughable)

    Forgive me as I ramble. When I read your post (and other posts on this board) I am struck by the similarities of our difficult children behavior. The deflections made me LOL. difficult child said something similar to me when he left - about how other parents are OK with Pot and that it's legal in some states and will be legal here soon (NOT) And when i told him I had contacted the dean to let them know we wouldn't be paying his tuition because he was using pot - he told be that slander was a crime and I "better not have said that or I'd be in trouble with the law." I told him that telling the truth doesn't amount to slander. LOL

    All these willful young men who want to be so independent who have no idea that they are really stoned sheep following each other into the land of life suspended.

    As for the car - I'd sell it. You can take it to CarMax and get an offer on the spot. I'd then offer to sell it to difficult child for the same price and if he doesn't take the offer, I'd sell it immediately.
  3. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Ant's on the title of the car along with my Dad so it can't be sold without Ant signing a release of interest. The car dealership, which happens to be good friends of my Dad, have the form waiting for Ant.

    Sent him a text saying he needed to sign today or tomorrow. And to let me know if he got the message and if he was going to do it. Got the "ok" text bad. Asked if he needed a ride. "No". Asked when did he plan to go? No answer....

    Then my friend reminded me that I have the power, not to let Ant have it. So the next text said... "No answer? How about this for a new deal. You have those papers signed by 5pm tonight or I turn off your phone and leave it off until the papers are signed. How's that for motivating you to answer me!"

    Got back a sheepish "I can't get there until tomorrow. Is that okay?"

    My response was "Now that wasn't so hard now was it? Let me know what time tomorrow so that Mr. X doesn't have to wait around for you. He's being nice and doing all of us a favor so let's be nice to him. What time can I tell him to expect you?"

    He said 2:00. I told him if at the last minute, he needs a ride to let one of us know and we will pick him up.

    Hee hee.... found his achillies heel. Mr. 500 text a night would die without his phone! And if he doesn't sign tomorrow, I will be proactive and turn it off until signed.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Way To Go!
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member


    Stay strong, Warrior Mom!
  6. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Ugh- I'm going through the same thing right now too! If we were in the same state Ant and Kat could hang out together and talk about how terrible we are! Hang in there- try to focus on you and stay busy. I'm having trouble sleeping, but have found backgammon online, so that keeps me occupied when I can't sleep! {{{{hugs}}}}
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Way To Go!!!!!!!
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Good job. Stay strong! It is too bad you have to demand the respect you deserve but good that you are strong enough to do it. Remember follow-through is key. -RM
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    You are doing a great job!! And gosh our difficult children sound so similar... that could easily have been my son you are talking about.... at least when he was living at home!!!

    I may have mentioned this but when my son got his wisdom teeth out he called the police becayse we werent giving him vicodin when he wanted it or giving him control over it!!! Hee hee... the police came. HE had previously overdosed so they knew he had a drug problem and I told them no way was I giving my son a bottle of vicodin, that I would give it to him as prescribed. Much to my sons chagrin they took him outside and told him as long as he lives here he needed to respect our rules. I really think he thought the police would make us hand over the prescription bottle.

    Hang in there you are doing the right thing.