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Parent Emeritus
Ending one horrible journey, beginning another.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630183" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>WF, you are seeing progress in him already. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep putting your energy into making YOUR life better, and what may happen is that you are creating some space, and an opening for him to step up. </p><p></p><p>He is not on the street. That is good. He is acting sorry. That is good. This is significant progress, already.</p><p></p><p>So, don't rush in to rescue him as hard as it may be. You are doing great---you are in some very, very hard days as you are trying to "make a break" with your old behavior. It isn't easy, and that is why you must have support and new thinking pouring into your brain. Read, write, meditate, pray, go to meetings. This is creating new ways of thinking within you. </p><p></p><p>Your son is 21. That is a grown man. Keep leaning into that knowledge. I know he isn't mature, isn't capable, isn't ready. But he never will be unless he starts somewhere. That is happening right now, WF.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Lean in. Lean into any hard circumstances in your life. It is a change in attitude, and it does change whatever is happening. </p><p></p><p>(Here is a minor example): Today, I drove a SUV pulling jetskis back from the lake. I have never driven a car pulling anything before. I wasn't sure I could do it. It felt like the skis were too wide for the road. But I decided I was going to do it---lake is 1.5 hours away. We had some very narrow roads with construction and those concrete barriers right beside the car for a long way. I had cars behind me. I kept checking my rearview mirrors. I could feel myself tense up, my stomach knotted, I was gripping the wheel, and constantly checking the mirrors. I was resisting and tightening up to the whole experience, just trying to "get through it." </p><p>Then I remembered: Lean in. Lean in to whatever is hard, to whatever is scary, to whatever is sad, to whatever is upsetting. Just lean into it. Accept it. Embrace it. Feel it. Live it. Once I did that, I started to relax. It was a conscious command I gave myself: Lean in. Quit fighting this. Just embrace it. And I did, and it got a lot better. By the time we got him, I was really okay. I had done great. I did it. </p><p></p><p>I am learning to Lean In to many hard things in life---small like driving back from the lake and big, like learning to accept difficult child. This is a very different way of thinking and behaving for me. Like they say in Al-Anon, it is a changed attitude from me. Changing our attitudes is a tremendous first step in being so much happier. </p><p></p><p>WF, keep talking to us, and keep your plans to create a support system for yourself. I am praying for you, for difficult child and for easy child. </p><p></p><p>Good things are ahead.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630183, member: 17542"] WF, you are seeing progress in him already. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep putting your energy into making YOUR life better, and what may happen is that you are creating some space, and an opening for him to step up. He is not on the street. That is good. He is acting sorry. That is good. This is significant progress, already. So, don't rush in to rescue him as hard as it may be. You are doing great---you are in some very, very hard days as you are trying to "make a break" with your old behavior. It isn't easy, and that is why you must have support and new thinking pouring into your brain. Read, write, meditate, pray, go to meetings. This is creating new ways of thinking within you. Your son is 21. That is a grown man. Keep leaning into that knowledge. I know he isn't mature, isn't capable, isn't ready. But he never will be unless he starts somewhere. That is happening right now, WF. Hang in there. Lean in. Lean into any hard circumstances in your life. It is a change in attitude, and it does change whatever is happening. (Here is a minor example): Today, I drove a SUV pulling jetskis back from the lake. I have never driven a car pulling anything before. I wasn't sure I could do it. It felt like the skis were too wide for the road. But I decided I was going to do it---lake is 1.5 hours away. We had some very narrow roads with construction and those concrete barriers right beside the car for a long way. I had cars behind me. I kept checking my rearview mirrors. I could feel myself tense up, my stomach knotted, I was gripping the wheel, and constantly checking the mirrors. I was resisting and tightening up to the whole experience, just trying to "get through it." Then I remembered: Lean in. Lean in to whatever is hard, to whatever is scary, to whatever is sad, to whatever is upsetting. Just lean into it. Accept it. Embrace it. Feel it. Live it. Once I did that, I started to relax. It was a conscious command I gave myself: Lean in. Quit fighting this. Just embrace it. And I did, and it got a lot better. By the time we got him, I was really okay. I had done great. I did it. I am learning to Lean In to many hard things in life---small like driving back from the lake and big, like learning to accept difficult child. This is a very different way of thinking and behaving for me. Like they say in Al-Anon, it is a changed attitude from me. Changing our attitudes is a tremendous first step in being so much happier. WF, keep talking to us, and keep your plans to create a support system for yourself. I am praying for you, for difficult child and for easy child. Good things are ahead. [/QUOTE]
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