Enough is enough

[ALLREADYBEENTHERE]

Hello All,

My name is Felicia and I am a single mother of 4. 3 boys ages 12,11 and 8 and my daughter is 5. 2 of my boys have ADHD (12 AND 8) My 12 year old also has behavior disorder and for the most part hard to calm down and impulsive. He has been this way since the age of 7 but first started showings signs of aggression around the age of 5. 7-3-10 he went to the store 7-11 and stole some fireworks(3:45pm) and got caught but returned them unopened. He was brought home by the police and was charged with Theft rightfully. That is not his 1st time either. We live very close to shopping centers in our neighborhood. He does know that stealing is bad but as I said in the beginning he is a "thrill seeker". Later that evening I tried to discipline him by sending him to his room (what a mistake) he banged the walls, screamed for hours and then finally it got quiet so I thought he maybe went to sleep so I went in to check in on him. He was gone jumped out the window of his room. As I mentioned it was 7-3-2010 and I had a small get together at my home (day before 4th of July) he did this in front of my company but it was my family and they are use to this. Well now it is about 8 pm and dark out Even though I had company I went out to look for him. I couldn't find him.(he always goes to a friend's house and of course hide out there when he is upset with me) So I return home well a few minutes later my company had left (too much action) well drinking was going on and couldn't really have a comfortable night. I get a knock at the door it is the police with my son and DCFS! One of my son's friends Mom called them because my son told them I had hit him(child abuse)!! I let them in and they sat at my kitchen table and the Investigator saw an empty bottle of Vodka on the counter. (forgot to throw it away) to make a very long story short I was investigated and charged with Civil Child Neglect. Now I have a open case. Before this incident my son had at least 15 police contacts (fighting, stealing being gone and I having to call them to help me find him) the courts DA got tired of seeing his name on the juvenile list and charged him with things he had done in the past and asked me to bring him to court and that is when I found out that they were charging me with Civil Child Neglect for basically not watching my kid!! They took custody and guardianship was awarded to DCFS he was sent 8-10 to 10-10 in Juvenile Justice Center. Plead guilty on his own( he can't make decisions like this for himself) but they said I had nothing to do with it. (huh?) They release him he came home on 2 years probation things went well for a little bit the around 9-11 stole $450.00 dollars from me so I called the police because he was running around not wanting to give back the $ or come home with me!! now he is in Chicago in a behavior treatment facility (doing no better than he was at home) I miss him I want him out they say treatment is what he needs. They failed to notice that I had him in "treatment" he and I saw a counselor on a weekly basis. He went to an Emotional behavior school he has a IEP he has been hospitalized 2 times for help. He crys like a newborn baby when I go to see him!! When he comes home on a supervised visit he hates to leave. I know he is VERY SORRY for what he did but he is only 12 and still learning on how to deal with his issues. How can I help him get out of this court ordered place? He spent all of the holidays last year as well as his birthday away from home. I am the parent and I have not lost my rights. They made me look like a villian and took my son from me..HELP sorry for the long post

 

[TeDo]

I am so sorry for both of you. You haven't lost your rights but because he is a ward of DCFS right now, you don't get a say in anything. Basically, at this point, all you can do is "play by their rules". What are the conditions DCFS has given you? What are you "supposed" to do to get custody back? They can't keep guardianship of him if you have met all their conditions...I don't think. I've never been in your shoes so I guess all I can do is let you know that I am here and you have my support. Personally, I think he needs a VERY thorough neuropsychologist evaluation. There is something more going on and nothing can help him unless you know EXACTLY what you are dealing with.

Sorry I can't be of more help. Others will be along. Someone else will hopefully be able to give you more suggestions. All I know is from the social work standpoint. Until you prove to them (according to their conditions) that you are a fit parent, they have temporarily taken your parental rights away from you.

{{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you all!

 

[buddy]

Hi. I too know nothing of this system but it surely sounds like something really is missing here. I agree, take some proactive steps insisting you want further evaluations from independent people. A neuropsychologist (not affiliated with the treatment center), a complete speech/language/communication evaluation to check for how well he can understand and formulate language in real life (not just grammar etc.).... can he process directions well does he have any auditory processing problems? They can help you look for these things which can seem subtle but can have a huge impact added to adhd. His "risky' behavior could be more than just adhd, could be even more involved executive functioning problems.

Do they have a reunification plan? What have you been told?

 

[ALLREADYBEENTHERE]

First of all thank you both for taking the time to read my very long post. Yes they say in court for the past 2 years that I have been going he has a return home in 12 month plan. DCFS does absolutely nothing but come to my home demand to see my other kids and get all in my business. I was ordered to a drug and alcohol evaluation and it was not recommended that I have counseling because I only drink on occasion and I don't do drugs however in court they made me look like a drunk and called me unfit and stole my son right from under me. They want to totally control his behavior before he returns home. The thing is he is in a setting with other kids that have the same issues as he. He has got in 3 fights since there and has also ran away from the facility!! So now he is running around in the streets of Chicago when he (If I had never got the police in our business) he would be running around in our Western Sub subdivision!! I am afraid that the longer they keep him more behaviors will be learned and then they will send him home with me to deal with these "new learned behaviors" For instance I never heard him swear (but yeah I know he does when he is away from me) now he does it so often right in my face and they facility does nothing about it. Even when kids run they don't do anything but call the police and wait for the child to come back. (HUH??) He does return at 9pm then the other time he came back at 11:30 pm the facility did not notify me It is when I call I learn of these types of things. Being a single mom is hard especially when you have kids with mental disorders. I need a lawyer to help me but I can't afford one. So It is me against the Court and DCFS. (yikes)

 

[TeDo]

I agree you need a lawyer. Here in our state, we have what is called Legal Aide that provides free lawyers to people that NEED them. You would qualify for such a service. We also have Disability Law, NOT to fight for Soc Sec or Workmen's Comp, that provides legal help to people with disabilities so you could have them be your son's lawyer. See if there is anything in your state like that. Both services are free to those who qualify and you WILL qualify. If you could tell us what state you are in, we or a member in your state might be able to help you with this.

Sorry it is so rough. I am also doing the single parent thing but am VERY happy I only have 2 kids, both are difficult child's but only 1 has Major issues.