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environment can affect children?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 119591" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Jen - </p><p></p><p>Call a domestic violence shelter - EVEN though - he is not hitting you. Tell the operator your situation and ask them WHAT they would advise in your situation. </p><p></p><p>MOST women don't ever call a place like that because they think it is ONLY for women who are being beaten or battered. Places like that are anonymous, and they have RESOURCES and ideas for getting out of a relationship that is volatile or potentially damaging to children. YOU ARE in THAT type of situation and what would be the harm in calling them to just see what they may know? </p><p></p><p>I have been offered credit counseling, housing assistance, continued education, clothes, food - the list was endless. And I know because like I have told you - I was in a relationship like that once. </p><p></p><p>It made me feel more empowered and like I actually HAD a plan instead of thinking I knew exactly how to do everything -</p><p></p><p>Like you I had a lot of self confidence - I was outspoken - bold, even sassy - I lacked self confidence - and IT was what made me continually jump out of the frying pan into the fire. </p><p></p><p>There is a huge difference between self esteem and self confidence. </p><p></p><p>I just hope this "friend" you are talking about isn't the same man friend who likes you but didn't want to deal with your kids - if he didn't then - he's likely not changed now - regardless of what he says. Eventually that situation could have more damaging effects on your children as well as where you are now because while the move away from a man who would call a child an idiot - is a (I just can't think of an appropriate adjective to type here without getting censored) taking your children to live in another house with another man may not be the best thing either. Taking on a woman and a tween and a child with challenges isn't any mans idea of a fun day. My suggestion would be if it IS him - see how committed he is to working on being a step-dad. Take him to counseling with you and the kids for a family meets new guy session - and let him know what he's in for. What kind of HELP you are REALLY going to need, what your day looks like - Find out what HIS day looks like - and before you even cross the threshold - ESTABLISH relationship rules - whether it is going to be just friends, room mates or lovers - NO calling the kids names, NO stepping out, no this - let him know what your idea of a life is - and ask for his - His may be "Have a woman at home to cook, clean and do laundry while I hunt, fish and hang out at the bar - some women can deal with that - Some women can deal with a man that wants to work 18 hours, calls his kids names, expects certain things out of the woman who is sharing the home with him - and that isn't what SHE thought it would be - and in the mean time - the kids sit there and have to endure a man calling them an idiot while their Mother has to correct a full grown man in public and believe me - it effects the kids - the name was still called - damage done. </p><p></p><p>So get your ducks in a row - Don't fly blind into the next situation and take some TIME to make SURE this is the BEST THING FOR YOU AND THE KIDS - No one is pushing you out of the door where you live now - and the women at the shelter will give you the absolute right things to say to DEFUSE the situation as you leave. Don't worry if the kids can be friends - they are young - they'll make new ones. You don't really want any ties to him anyway. Square peg - round hole logic again. </p><p></p><p>Just be careful - get some advice where ever you can. And educate yourself with a plan before you just go - </p><p></p><p>I know you can do this - </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 119591, member: 4964"] Jen - Call a domestic violence shelter - EVEN though - he is not hitting you. Tell the operator your situation and ask them WHAT they would advise in your situation. MOST women don't ever call a place like that because they think it is ONLY for women who are being beaten or battered. Places like that are anonymous, and they have RESOURCES and ideas for getting out of a relationship that is volatile or potentially damaging to children. YOU ARE in THAT type of situation and what would be the harm in calling them to just see what they may know? I have been offered credit counseling, housing assistance, continued education, clothes, food - the list was endless. And I know because like I have told you - I was in a relationship like that once. It made me feel more empowered and like I actually HAD a plan instead of thinking I knew exactly how to do everything - Like you I had a lot of self confidence - I was outspoken - bold, even sassy - I lacked self confidence - and IT was what made me continually jump out of the frying pan into the fire. There is a huge difference between self esteem and self confidence. I just hope this "friend" you are talking about isn't the same man friend who likes you but didn't want to deal with your kids - if he didn't then - he's likely not changed now - regardless of what he says. Eventually that situation could have more damaging effects on your children as well as where you are now because while the move away from a man who would call a child an idiot - is a (I just can't think of an appropriate adjective to type here without getting censored) taking your children to live in another house with another man may not be the best thing either. Taking on a woman and a tween and a child with challenges isn't any mans idea of a fun day. My suggestion would be if it IS him - see how committed he is to working on being a step-dad. Take him to counseling with you and the kids for a family meets new guy session - and let him know what he's in for. What kind of HELP you are REALLY going to need, what your day looks like - Find out what HIS day looks like - and before you even cross the threshold - ESTABLISH relationship rules - whether it is going to be just friends, room mates or lovers - NO calling the kids names, NO stepping out, no this - let him know what your idea of a life is - and ask for his - His may be "Have a woman at home to cook, clean and do laundry while I hunt, fish and hang out at the bar - some women can deal with that - Some women can deal with a man that wants to work 18 hours, calls his kids names, expects certain things out of the woman who is sharing the home with him - and that isn't what SHE thought it would be - and in the mean time - the kids sit there and have to endure a man calling them an idiot while their Mother has to correct a full grown man in public and believe me - it effects the kids - the name was still called - damage done. So get your ducks in a row - Don't fly blind into the next situation and take some TIME to make SURE this is the BEST THING FOR YOU AND THE KIDS - No one is pushing you out of the door where you live now - and the women at the shelter will give you the absolute right things to say to DEFUSE the situation as you leave. Don't worry if the kids can be friends - they are young - they'll make new ones. You don't really want any ties to him anyway. Square peg - round hole logic again. Just be careful - get some advice where ever you can. And educate yourself with a plan before you just go - I know you can do this - Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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