Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Estranged Are Making Contact
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 540846" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Here are my 2 cents.............Trust is earned. Since they are the ones who did the harm, they need to be accountable for the damage done to you. In the absence of a clear and direct sincere apology, trust <u>cannot</u> be reestablished. Without an understanding of what they did and a recognition of the hurt it caused along with a heartfelt apology, the foundation of lack of trust would most definitely continue. Simply reconnecting is just not good enough to begin to mend fences, there is no accountability, hence no change has taken place. I learned a long time ago with people who hurt me and became untrustworthy that I could NEVER trust them again until they took <u>full</u> responsibility in an authentic and sincere way. Not saying, "I'm sorry you were hurt by my actions" thereby putting the onus on you for being hurt. But, a real heartfelt apology like, "I am so sorry for what I did and the hurt I caused you, I feel remorse and I will never do that again." You can see and feel the difference when someone is truly sorry for what they did. As well as you can tell when someone is not sorry and simply saying the right words to get a desired outcome. Don't let your parental hearts cloud the issue here, they can <u>not </u>be trusted until they assume responsibility for their actions. A few months back someone here who has a number of mental issues herself posted a line which really made it clear to me, she said, "having a mental illness doesn't give you a pass on taking responsibility for your actions." I would not reply "enthusiastically" as you mentioned to their gestures of connection, I would reply with kindness but with reservation and I would make it short and simple. It is up to them to pave the way for trust, not you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 540846, member: 13542"] Here are my 2 cents.............Trust is earned. Since they are the ones who did the harm, they need to be accountable for the damage done to you. In the absence of a clear and direct sincere apology, trust [U]cannot[/U] be reestablished. Without an understanding of what they did and a recognition of the hurt it caused along with a heartfelt apology, the foundation of lack of trust would most definitely continue. Simply reconnecting is just not good enough to begin to mend fences, there is no accountability, hence no change has taken place. I learned a long time ago with people who hurt me and became untrustworthy that I could NEVER trust them again until they took [U]full[/U] responsibility in an authentic and sincere way. Not saying, "I'm sorry you were hurt by my actions" thereby putting the onus on you for being hurt. But, a real heartfelt apology like, "I am so sorry for what I did and the hurt I caused you, I feel remorse and I will never do that again." You can see and feel the difference when someone is truly sorry for what they did. As well as you can tell when someone is not sorry and simply saying the right words to get a desired outcome. Don't let your parental hearts cloud the issue here, they can [U]not [/U]be trusted until they assume responsibility for their actions. A few months back someone here who has a number of mental issues herself posted a line which really made it clear to me, she said, "having a mental illness doesn't give you a pass on taking responsibility for your actions." I would not reply "enthusiastically" as you mentioned to their gestures of connection, I would reply with kindness but with reservation and I would make it short and simple. It is up to them to pave the way for trust, not you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Estranged Are Making Contact
Top