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Estranged Are Making Contact
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 540881" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I would tread cautiously, and keep your expectations low. I get what RE is saying about requiring a heartfelt apology, but I also believe that there some mentally ill people that will never, can never, acknowledge their part in the hurt. They just can't see it. So, you have to make a decision on whether or not you can form some sort of a relationship without that, and what kind of relationship that will be (boundaries, as others have said). If I waited for Oldest to sincerely apologize for everything she did to hurt me, I wouldn't have a relationship with her at all. It obviously depends on the nature of the hurt caused, however. We've never been completely estranged. </p><p></p><p>I don't think I'll ever completely trust Oldest. I never know if what she's telilng me is true, and I frequently find out it's not. But I've learned to just sort of accept that. I don't make decisions related to her that are based on whether or not something may or may not be true, I make them based on what I can live with. Because of that, she can't manipulate me with her lies any more ... they simply don't matter to me. Consequently, she doesn't tell as many manipulative lies (and there is a distinction between lying, and manipulative lying.. with her anyway). She has figuerd out they have very little power over me, I think. </p><p></p><p>So, I think you can have a relationship, if you want one. But it has to be on your terms, not theirs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 540881, member: 1157"] I would tread cautiously, and keep your expectations low. I get what RE is saying about requiring a heartfelt apology, but I also believe that there some mentally ill people that will never, can never, acknowledge their part in the hurt. They just can't see it. So, you have to make a decision on whether or not you can form some sort of a relationship without that, and what kind of relationship that will be (boundaries, as others have said). If I waited for Oldest to sincerely apologize for everything she did to hurt me, I wouldn't have a relationship with her at all. It obviously depends on the nature of the hurt caused, however. We've never been completely estranged. I don't think I'll ever completely trust Oldest. I never know if what she's telilng me is true, and I frequently find out it's not. But I've learned to just sort of accept that. I don't make decisions related to her that are based on whether or not something may or may not be true, I make them based on what I can live with. Because of that, she can't manipulate me with her lies any more ... they simply don't matter to me. Consequently, she doesn't tell as many manipulative lies (and there is a distinction between lying, and manipulative lying.. with her anyway). She has figuerd out they have very little power over me, I think. So, I think you can have a relationship, if you want one. But it has to be on your terms, not theirs. [/QUOTE]
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