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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 726171" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>RedCedar:</p><p></p><p>Welcome and sorry you have to go through this.</p><p></p><p>Your son is a grown man that has an addiction problem. He has to figure this out on his own. Obviously your helping him is not truly helping and only enables him to continue in this destructive lifestyle. We are all guilty of it until we figure out what is truly going on.</p><p></p><p>Please know that this is NOT your fault and we can all tell that you are a loving mother. Addicts blame everyone else because they don't want to look at themselves.</p><p></p><p>I would limit contact with your son until he is ready to change his life. There is no reason you have to ride this rollercoaster with him. It's not helping him and the stress is certainly not good for you. You matter too. Your happiness matters too.</p><p></p><p>We decided not to wait until our son was READY to change. We forced it. He was much younger than your son is now and not wanting him to continue this life into his 30's is probably one of the driving factors in us getting really serious about pushing back and not enabling.</p><p></p><p>I suggest that you find a therapist for yourself that specializes in addiction. They can help you create firm boundaries with your son. He needs this as much as you do. I had to do that for myself also. It's not easy but it can be done.</p><p></p><p>This is tough stuff and not a quick or easy fix. Keep posting and reading here - I suggest the substance abuse forum because that is really what you are dealing with and the sooner you accept it the easier it will be to help yourself. </p><p></p><p>Good luck and we're here for you! We get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 726171, member: 15032"] RedCedar: Welcome and sorry you have to go through this. Your son is a grown man that has an addiction problem. He has to figure this out on his own. Obviously your helping him is not truly helping and only enables him to continue in this destructive lifestyle. We are all guilty of it until we figure out what is truly going on. Please know that this is NOT your fault and we can all tell that you are a loving mother. Addicts blame everyone else because they don't want to look at themselves. I would limit contact with your son until he is ready to change his life. There is no reason you have to ride this rollercoaster with him. It's not helping him and the stress is certainly not good for you. You matter too. Your happiness matters too. We decided not to wait until our son was READY to change. We forced it. He was much younger than your son is now and not wanting him to continue this life into his 30's is probably one of the driving factors in us getting really serious about pushing back and not enabling. I suggest that you find a therapist for yourself that specializes in addiction. They can help you create firm boundaries with your son. He needs this as much as you do. I had to do that for myself also. It's not easy but it can be done. This is tough stuff and not a quick or easy fix. Keep posting and reading here - I suggest the substance abuse forum because that is really what you are dealing with and the sooner you accept it the easier it will be to help yourself. Good luck and we're here for you! We get it. [/QUOTE]
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