evaluation done today...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tracy551, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    Well my difficult child had his evl today. The doctor is recogmending a treatment facility for behavoir and drugs and alcohol. Probably a 6 to 12 month program from what I understand.
    I was told by his caseworker that I could tell him or he could. I can not bring myself to tell him. This hurts me beyond words!!!! I know things were not good when he was here but I can't imagine him being gone for that long. He's still my little boy and I don't know how I will deal with this. My husband isn't much support either he's pretty much distanct himself from all this. I truely feel like I'm in this alone.
    I know he will get the help he needs but It will kill me being away from him. The place they talked about is about 5 hours away and I have a fobia with traveling on big highways I don't know how I will ever get to see him.
    You know no one ever told me how hard parenting can be. There should be a warning posted when ever your child reaches a certain age :crying:
    This feels horrible like the life has been sucked right out of me.
    Sorry for dragging on have a good night all
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. I know this will be hard for you yet you are doing the right thing giving him a chance to get the help he needs. Gentle hugs.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Tracy, I know you will miss him. He's still so young. But you'll figure out how to deal with-the highway phobia when the time comes. I have a friend who went through something similar and she went to a therapist for it. He had her drive just a little bit every day, memorize maps, etc. She reported every day, sometimes twice a day, on a bb like this one. Every day she went farther (and further). We were so proud of her! Sometimes she'd surprise herself and stop if she saw a neat shopping center on the way, or a flower market. It gave her so much more freedom. She is 60 yrs old and still learning. Aren't we all? :smirk: :redface:
  4. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I know how much it hurts. But keep in mind this is the best thing for him. :crying:

  5. oceans

    oceans New Member

    I'm sorry. I know that it is difficult, but is seems like it is the best thing for the future. Things could not keep going on like they were. You can talk to him by phone, drive there once a week with husband, and start working on driving yourself little by little. Maybe you could drive there with husband in the car with you, or you could take short drives to work on feeling comfortable going on your own.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I'm glad that someone else is telling difficult child - it takes the pressure off you; difficult child cannot blame you & you do not have to be the fall guy.

    We all hurt when our little wonders are admitted to a treatment facility; personally, I need to look at the "big picture" - keep in mind that treatment is needed for our difficult children to survive & function out in the big bad world. It's the only way I can do this.

    This would be the time to recharge, enjoy the peace in your home. Work out the visits later. Doesn't need to happen tomorrow.

  7. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>tracy, I know this is hard and it is painful. Many of us took this path to have our difficult child's placed out of home in an effort to save them and to save our families.
    I sent difficult child from 13 to 15 to Calif which is half a country away. We didn't see him until he earned visits. It was a full 14 months before he came to see us. It was grueling but it gave me time to recharge. I was so numb by the time he left that I didn't even miss him for 8 months. Once I was again ready to pick up the tools of warrior mom, I had regained my perspective and my life.

    Think of this placement,not as punishment but an attempt to help him get himself on track to a life with hope.
    I know it feels strange. I didn't know anyone who even had their kid in a boarding school. It is a leap of faith. You hope this will turn them around. I met with a lot of disapproval but I resolved that I would do what is best for difficult child. I don't answer to anyone but myself,my God and my husband. Everyone else can just get in line. I don't answer to them.

    Our goal as parents is to raise independent law abiding, tax paying, moral adults who have as much of a life of their own as they want. Anything we achieve with our kids after that is gravy. It's not our goal to be their friends or have them need us. I'm willing to have my son hate me if it means he will be a law abiding, independent,moral adult.
    They have to learn that they can achieve positive rewards with positive behavior.

    Success with difficult child's is measured in inches and baby steps. Just breathe deep and take it one step, one day at a time.

    PS:Dad's seem to handle these trauma's differently than mom's. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel the same pain and the same despair that you feel. </span>
  8. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    You've already been given excellent advice by the others. I totally agree with them. You are doing what is best for difficult child in the long run...

    Please take the time he is away to take care of yourself!!! You need and deserve some quality "ME" time!!!

    Sending cyber hugs... WFEN :flower: