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General Parenting
Ever have one of those mornings?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 374555" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>If what you're doing isn't working, stop doing it.</p><p></p><p>We don't ground, or send to room or anything like that because for difficult child 3, it is unenforcable and doesn't work anyway.</p><p></p><p>What we do - we speak quietly and calmly, and say, "I'm not shouting/swearing at you, please don't shout/swear at me."</p><p></p><p>it takes time, but if you </p><p>a) don't lower yourself to her level, but instead set a higher standard and maintain it yourself; and</p><p></p><p>b) persist, keep it up patiently, don't give up</p><p></p><p>it does work.</p><p></p><p>Kids swear. A lot. We were watching Mythbusters last week and they did a study on pain tolerance. They found (among other things) tat pain tolerance goes up, if you swear. When you don't swear, your tolerance of pain drops. Plus other people around our kids (including other kids) swear all the time. So maintain your own standards at home, but make sure that there are no double standards. If she wants to swear away from home or with friends, that is up to her. Swearing at home if she hits her thumb with a hammer - again, up to her. But rudeness to other people in your home, swearing at you when you are trying to help - the help stops. And you calmly say, "I'm not doing it to you, please don't do it to me." Then walk away. If that means her hair is half done, so be it. She clearly didn't want the help from you, if she chose to insult you. If she DOES want the help, she needs to ask nicely and not insult you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 374555, member: 1991"] If what you're doing isn't working, stop doing it. We don't ground, or send to room or anything like that because for difficult child 3, it is unenforcable and doesn't work anyway. What we do - we speak quietly and calmly, and say, "I'm not shouting/swearing at you, please don't shout/swear at me." it takes time, but if you a) don't lower yourself to her level, but instead set a higher standard and maintain it yourself; and b) persist, keep it up patiently, don't give up it does work. Kids swear. A lot. We were watching Mythbusters last week and they did a study on pain tolerance. They found (among other things) tat pain tolerance goes up, if you swear. When you don't swear, your tolerance of pain drops. Plus other people around our kids (including other kids) swear all the time. So maintain your own standards at home, but make sure that there are no double standards. If she wants to swear away from home or with friends, that is up to her. Swearing at home if she hits her thumb with a hammer - again, up to her. But rudeness to other people in your home, swearing at you when you are trying to help - the help stops. And you calmly say, "I'm not doing it to you, please don't do it to me." Then walk away. If that means her hair is half done, so be it. She clearly didn't want the help from you, if she chose to insult you. If she DOES want the help, she needs to ask nicely and not insult you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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