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General Parenting
ever say something terrible to difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 396611" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I think - and I think back.........and it STILL (ugh) I get those feelings like (snap) and that voice in my head comes right to the surface faster than a freight train and says "YOU should get LOOSER MOTHER OF THE CENTURY" for and then it's like I have flashbacks. Notice I said flashbackS not a flashback or that one time, or on that sunny, perfect day - when my lovely, perfect, well-adjusted son was being a loving, adorable child and I must have taken the Jekkyl-Hyde formula and (mwahahahahahahaha) turned to him and scared him with my inner monster voice. </p><p> </p><p>Yeah - well, I don't walk on water either. I try and I tried to be the best Mother I could be. Honestly when I was raising Dude; now 20 years old - Had I known there was a section in the library or at BAM or B&N called - All nice Mommies sit HERE section, and All Mommies of dysfunctional, ill-behaved, going to try the patience of Mother Teresa and surely make her throw a cleaver at a sacred cow in India children sit HERE? I would have read every book - and what books I could get my hands on? I did. What meetings I could go to? I did. What therapy I could enroll in? I went. What support groups I could be part of? I was. What PTA that shunned us? I did give the finger to.....but you know - I DID the BEST I COULD WITH WHAT I HAD AT THAT TIME and then tried my hardest to learn all I could to be a BETTER parent as I went on - but when only ONE of you is trying in a relationship? You leave - and in the case of a child? You can't leave. So it's like someone walks in and tells you "Abuse is bad, dont' stay in abusive situations - leave." Then someone else walks in and says "Abuse is bad, don't stay in abusive situations - BUT you have to stay in this one, but abuse is bad." </p><p> </p><p>I'm so like - WHA? FIX HIM.......FIX HIM NOW??? And when he got on my last nerve? YOU BET - I was the least adult in the room. I even am not Catholic and went into a Catholic church and got a plastic bubble container full of holy water and came home one afternoon - and when Dude got so out of control - I got my bubble water container - opened it stood in his room and screamed THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU _ GET OUT and threw the water on him - I mean didn't do anything but make him angry - because I threw water on him - and make me laugh because I had officially decided at that point I needed anti-depressants 0r a nut-hut vacation - but SEE? You aren't alone. Doesn't mean what you said is right or okay or even forgettable - Rather - it's good that you don't forget - because next time you get to that point - you'll remember - it's okay to get angry but HOW you handle your anger is more important for yourself and as an example for your kids. </p><p> </p><p>The best thing I did? Got a therapist and worked on anger management. I learned tools - and tricks and things I can do INSTEAD of blow my top - I learned what my triggers are - BEFORE my kid does and what I can do to avert my blowing my stack. Or in my case driving to St. Vincents and helping myself to holy agua. And believe me - that's not the worst thing I ever said - or did - and it wasn't the last - but it was a good lesson learned. I can barely grip a water pistol now. lol </p><p> </p><p>Seriously - Do be aware of what you said - but don't NOT forgive yourself. In my faith I only have to ask once for forgiveness - and if I beat myself up after that? It's on me - not (points up) him. </p><p> </p><p>take care - And go easy on the apologies ------and don't wait for one from him either. Try to get in the habit of learning how to cool off - talk to a therapist. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 396611, member: 4964"] I think - and I think back.........and it STILL (ugh) I get those feelings like (snap) and that voice in my head comes right to the surface faster than a freight train and says "YOU should get LOOSER MOTHER OF THE CENTURY" for and then it's like I have flashbacks. Notice I said flashbackS not a flashback or that one time, or on that sunny, perfect day - when my lovely, perfect, well-adjusted son was being a loving, adorable child and I must have taken the Jekkyl-Hyde formula and (mwahahahahahahaha) turned to him and scared him with my inner monster voice. Yeah - well, I don't walk on water either. I try and I tried to be the best Mother I could be. Honestly when I was raising Dude; now 20 years old - Had I known there was a section in the library or at BAM or B&N called - All nice Mommies sit HERE section, and All Mommies of dysfunctional, ill-behaved, going to try the patience of Mother Teresa and surely make her throw a cleaver at a sacred cow in India children sit HERE? I would have read every book - and what books I could get my hands on? I did. What meetings I could go to? I did. What therapy I could enroll in? I went. What support groups I could be part of? I was. What PTA that shunned us? I did give the finger to.....but you know - I DID the BEST I COULD WITH WHAT I HAD AT THAT TIME and then tried my hardest to learn all I could to be a BETTER parent as I went on - but when only ONE of you is trying in a relationship? You leave - and in the case of a child? You can't leave. So it's like someone walks in and tells you "Abuse is bad, dont' stay in abusive situations - leave." Then someone else walks in and says "Abuse is bad, don't stay in abusive situations - BUT you have to stay in this one, but abuse is bad." I'm so like - WHA? FIX HIM.......FIX HIM NOW??? And when he got on my last nerve? YOU BET - I was the least adult in the room. I even am not Catholic and went into a Catholic church and got a plastic bubble container full of holy water and came home one afternoon - and when Dude got so out of control - I got my bubble water container - opened it stood in his room and screamed THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU _ GET OUT and threw the water on him - I mean didn't do anything but make him angry - because I threw water on him - and make me laugh because I had officially decided at that point I needed anti-depressants 0r a nut-hut vacation - but SEE? You aren't alone. Doesn't mean what you said is right or okay or even forgettable - Rather - it's good that you don't forget - because next time you get to that point - you'll remember - it's okay to get angry but HOW you handle your anger is more important for yourself and as an example for your kids. The best thing I did? Got a therapist and worked on anger management. I learned tools - and tricks and things I can do INSTEAD of blow my top - I learned what my triggers are - BEFORE my kid does and what I can do to avert my blowing my stack. Or in my case driving to St. Vincents and helping myself to holy agua. And believe me - that's not the worst thing I ever said - or did - and it wasn't the last - but it was a good lesson learned. I can barely grip a water pistol now. lol Seriously - Do be aware of what you said - but don't NOT forgive yourself. In my faith I only have to ask once for forgiveness - and if I beat myself up after that? It's on me - not (points up) him. take care - And go easy on the apologies ------and don't wait for one from him either. Try to get in the habit of learning how to cool off - talk to a therapist. Hugs - Star [/QUOTE]
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