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Everyone says its not ME
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 445042" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Count yourself lucky... but its hard to see that when YOU get all of it! Trust me, its worse when when they are that way everywhere else... you end up losing supports and options because no one can handle the difficult child. on the other hand, when others see it, they actually have to believe you.</p><p></p><p>Ran into an interesting article a few years back (no idea where, now!) about "normal" kids and their "2-year-old behaviors" at home... Hmmm... you mean it isn't just the difficult children that have this problem?! Really. Its just that we get it worse than average parents. Kids generally try to step up to the situation in public, and spend significant energy and effort to do so. When they are at home, its the only safe place to recover... so, WE get the pushback etc. For "normal" kids... its fights over chores and music practice, etc., but its still there.</p><p></p><p>I keep reminding myself of that article these days. Yes, the pushback is worse. Yes, the problems are happening in public too. But its so easy to measure what goes wrong and miss what goes right... because we <u>expect</u> things to go right. And we expect things to go "right" at home too. Maybe the problem is my expectations? We've adjusted ours, significantly. Cut back on the number and intensity of activities, build far more scheduled down-time into our lives, and it pays off... but it isn't a cure-all. And there are downsides to restricting activity levels, too...!</p><p></p><p>The good news... the article went on to say that the best indicator we have as to where kids are headed as adults is how they behave in public settings. If he's holding it all together other than with you... he's probably going to make it into productive adult life.</p><p></p><p>Just wish I had better answers as to how to survive in the process!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 445042, member: 11791"] Count yourself lucky... but its hard to see that when YOU get all of it! Trust me, its worse when when they are that way everywhere else... you end up losing supports and options because no one can handle the difficult child. on the other hand, when others see it, they actually have to believe you. Ran into an interesting article a few years back (no idea where, now!) about "normal" kids and their "2-year-old behaviors" at home... Hmmm... you mean it isn't just the difficult children that have this problem?! Really. Its just that we get it worse than average parents. Kids generally try to step up to the situation in public, and spend significant energy and effort to do so. When they are at home, its the only safe place to recover... so, WE get the pushback etc. For "normal" kids... its fights over chores and music practice, etc., but its still there. I keep reminding myself of that article these days. Yes, the pushback is worse. Yes, the problems are happening in public too. But its so easy to measure what goes wrong and miss what goes right... because we [U]expect[/U] things to go right. And we expect things to go "right" at home too. Maybe the problem is my expectations? We've adjusted ours, significantly. Cut back on the number and intensity of activities, build far more scheduled down-time into our lives, and it pays off... but it isn't a cure-all. And there are downsides to restricting activity levels, too...! The good news... the article went on to say that the best indicator we have as to where kids are headed as adults is how they behave in public settings. If he's holding it all together other than with you... he's probably going to make it into productive adult life. Just wish I had better answers as to how to survive in the process!! [/QUOTE]
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