Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Ew
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 603824" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>No, Recovering. You are right. difficult child is a subtle, master manipulator. She can lie so convincingly. Each in our own way, she pretty much has both husband and I right where she wants us, most of the time. (For instance, that we were putting $30 into her account every week to help defray the costs of living in the home of the woman who took her in, initially. We continued to do that, every week, even after she was back on the streets through her own choice. As we now understand it, she has been receiving something like $120 in food stamps every month. So, what was she doing then, with the $120 she was getting from us? Drinking? Drugging? Do we feel foolish? husband says: "That money was for me to feel better about myself. It was given so difficult child will not be penniless and on the streets. What she used it for is not my concern."</p><p></p><p>So, that's pretty healthy. Given our misery over the situation, $120 a month was not so much to pay, for a little peace of mind.</p><p></p><p>Today? The houseguest is on his way home. difficult child is going to visit the bad man in prison. Then? She is going to sell her food stamps.</p><p></p><p>?????</p><p></p><p>I am CHOOSING to believe for the best. </p><p></p><p>I am concerned about the houseguest, too. But husband and I have been talking about how unusual it is for a houseguest to create the situation that now exists, not only without discussing it with us first, but <u>after</u> having discussed it with difficult child. Essentially, rendering us powerless to stop or change or effect the situation in any way.</p><p></p><p>Sort of...triangulating, if you think about it.</p><p></p><p>Nasty.</p><p></p><p>Nasty, to understand that someone you are hosting is disrespecting you in that way.</p><p></p><p>Which is where the capacity to choose our reaction comes in.</p><p></p><p>Whatever the outcome of all this is, the nature of the relationship between the houseguest and ourselves is altered, is a little dirtied. This has gone from hosting a neighbor who just lost his wife to something that feels a little like a spider's web.</p><p></p><p>So, all those thoughts are in here, too, Recovering. As I said in the second post, husband and I are choosing to view a really weird situation from as positive a place as we can.</p><p></p><p>For our own sakes.</p><p></p><p>Any way you look at it, the houseguest's behavior was inappropriate. This may turn out to be a good thing for difficult child. But what kind of man is it who does what the houseguest has done? Who preys on a woman in difficult child's position? A woman who is half his age? Because, looked at from another perspective, that is exactly what the houseguest has been doing. difficult child has nothing, at this point. She has no way to come back, other than to be dependent on her parents.</p><p></p><p>I will say that difficult child is continuing to pursue the options she has available to her, here. There aren't many, but there are some. Maybe, she is wondering too, about this houseguest. I would imagine the bad man, the one in jail for the accident, will have a thing or two to say about the houseguest. difficult child will spend tonight with the man who rescue/kidnapped her from the bad man on the 4th of July. He will have input to give, too.</p><p></p><p>Hard to say, and senseless to speculate about.</p><p></p><p>difficult child is scheduled to come home again, tomorrow night. </p><p></p><p>I don't know the answers to any of these questions. That is what I meant, when I said we are not seeing things through Polly Anna eyes.</p><p></p><p>You are so right, Recovering, when you tell us to choose our emotional responses. We will have the joy and wonder of what it might be, unless and until it turns out to be something awful. But just between you and me and everyone here on the site? Things are already looking a little Quasimodo-like.</p><p></p><p>That is what I meant by <u>choosing</u> our emotional realities and responses.</p><p></p><p>If things are going to get bad, they will get bad whether I worry myself sick about it first, or not. </p><p></p><p>Truthfully? I think learning this secret of choosing our emotional responses is the only survival tool the parent of a difficult child child has.</p><p></p><p>That, and knowing that the grandchildren are safe.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 603824, member: 1721"] No, Recovering. You are right. difficult child is a subtle, master manipulator. She can lie so convincingly. Each in our own way, she pretty much has both husband and I right where she wants us, most of the time. (For instance, that we were putting $30 into her account every week to help defray the costs of living in the home of the woman who took her in, initially. We continued to do that, every week, even after she was back on the streets through her own choice. As we now understand it, she has been receiving something like $120 in food stamps every month. So, what was she doing then, with the $120 she was getting from us? Drinking? Drugging? Do we feel foolish? husband says: "That money was for me to feel better about myself. It was given so difficult child will not be penniless and on the streets. What she used it for is not my concern." So, that's pretty healthy. Given our misery over the situation, $120 a month was not so much to pay, for a little peace of mind. Today? The houseguest is on his way home. difficult child is going to visit the bad man in prison. Then? She is going to sell her food stamps. ????? I am CHOOSING to believe for the best. I am concerned about the houseguest, too. But husband and I have been talking about how unusual it is for a houseguest to create the situation that now exists, not only without discussing it with us first, but [U]after[/U] having discussed it with difficult child. Essentially, rendering us powerless to stop or change or effect the situation in any way. Sort of...triangulating, if you think about it. Nasty. Nasty, to understand that someone you are hosting is disrespecting you in that way. Which is where the capacity to choose our reaction comes in. Whatever the outcome of all this is, the nature of the relationship between the houseguest and ourselves is altered, is a little dirtied. This has gone from hosting a neighbor who just lost his wife to something that feels a little like a spider's web. So, all those thoughts are in here, too, Recovering. As I said in the second post, husband and I are choosing to view a really weird situation from as positive a place as we can. For our own sakes. Any way you look at it, the houseguest's behavior was inappropriate. This may turn out to be a good thing for difficult child. But what kind of man is it who does what the houseguest has done? Who preys on a woman in difficult child's position? A woman who is half his age? Because, looked at from another perspective, that is exactly what the houseguest has been doing. difficult child has nothing, at this point. She has no way to come back, other than to be dependent on her parents. I will say that difficult child is continuing to pursue the options she has available to her, here. There aren't many, but there are some. Maybe, she is wondering too, about this houseguest. I would imagine the bad man, the one in jail for the accident, will have a thing or two to say about the houseguest. difficult child will spend tonight with the man who rescue/kidnapped her from the bad man on the 4th of July. He will have input to give, too. Hard to say, and senseless to speculate about. difficult child is scheduled to come home again, tomorrow night. I don't know the answers to any of these questions. That is what I meant, when I said we are not seeing things through Polly Anna eyes. You are so right, Recovering, when you tell us to choose our emotional responses. We will have the joy and wonder of what it might be, unless and until it turns out to be something awful. But just between you and me and everyone here on the site? Things are already looking a little Quasimodo-like. That is what I meant by [U]choosing[/U] our emotional realities and responses. If things are going to get bad, they will get bad whether I worry myself sick about it first, or not. Truthfully? I think learning this secret of choosing our emotional responses is the only survival tool the parent of a difficult child child has. That, and knowing that the grandchildren are safe. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Ew
Top