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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 604194" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Barbara, in response to your statement "<span style="color: #000000">I am feeling much different about my </span>difficult child<span style="color: #000000"> daughter, this morning. </span><span style="color: #000000">And very, very much differently about psychiatrists, and psychiatric medications,"............... I remembered something I hadn't thought of for many years..............In 1977 I fell into a deep depression, unknown origin, first time in my life and as it turns out, the only time.....I had already been in therapy, but the depression was so different and difficult I went to a Psychiatrist for the first time. Previous to this period of time I had no symptoms nor did I share my family history with the Dr. since at that time in my life, I had not gained the insight and (now) obvious conclusions about all of the mental illness. Within 10 minutes, she (the Dr.) told me I was a "manic depressive" personality (they had not yet changed to bi-polar) and needed to see this well known Dr. who specialized in that disorder and I needed to be on medications. She took out a handful of sample medications which she said I needed to take until I got in to see this guy. Bear in mind that I was deep in this depression, it was a very dark place inside me............so I was definitively looking to get out of that feeling and get back to living again as soon as I could. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I went home and placed all the medications on my night stand, but didn't take them. I don't really know why. I'd heard of this therapist in the town I was in, who was also a pastor in a church and he was very well regarded and had much success. I got an appointment to see him. I had not taken the medications yet. During my first appointment with the pastor/therapist, he said two important things to me, one was that he thought rather then a chronic depression, he said in his opinion I was having a 'spiritual experience, an <em>awakening</em>'...........and the other thing he said was that I was incredibly hard on myself and when he said that his eyes welled up with tears and he said he found that so sad that I would be that hard on myself. That empathy he displayed towards me along with a new kind of spin on things made me choose him to do therapy with. Interestingly when I returned to the Psychiatrist for my follow-up, not having taken the drugs, and told her I was choosing to go with the other therapist which I felt was a better fit, she got irritated with me and said something I've never forgotten, she said, "well, it seems you think you can pull yourself up with your own bootstraps..........." to which I said, 'Yes, that's exactly what I believe.' Even in the throes of depression I thought that was an odd thing to say to me. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I worked with the Pastor for a couple of years, he was a phenomenal therapist, he '<em>saw'</em> me, he acknowledged me, he listened to me, he had so much empathy...........within a few weeks that depression lifted..............but more importantly I was now on a clear path, one I was actually already on, but now it had a name, the Pastor helped me to define what I was doing and who I was............. I was on a "spiritual" path, I was searching for 'meaning', I was looking for answers..............that was and<strong> is</strong> who I am, the essence of me. BUT, what if I had chosen to take those medications,, go to the famous Doctor who specialized in manic depression..................where would I have gone? Who would I have become? Not to say Psychiatry does not have it's place, or that medications do not have validity, I am not saying that at all............I am simply telling a story about an experience I had and a choice I made which given the discussion we are presently having, has some significance, at least for me.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Choices. Our daughters are making choices. If I take my judgments away, that's all they are. Perhaps it's acceptance we are all searching for. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">My sister refused medication too, like your daughter she did not like feeling like a zombie. She used her art, her creativity, her music, her poetry to stay in balance. She found meaning in what she could create. </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 604194, member: 13542"] Barbara, in response to your statement "[COLOR=#000000]I am feeling much different about my [/COLOR]difficult child[COLOR=#000000] daughter, this morning. [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]And very, very much differently about psychiatrists, and psychiatric medications,"............... I remembered something I hadn't thought of for many years..............In 1977 I fell into a deep depression, unknown origin, first time in my life and as it turns out, the only time.....I had already been in therapy, but the depression was so different and difficult I went to a Psychiatrist for the first time. Previous to this period of time I had no symptoms nor did I share my family history with the Dr. since at that time in my life, I had not gained the insight and (now) obvious conclusions about all of the mental illness. Within 10 minutes, she (the Dr.) told me I was a "manic depressive" personality (they had not yet changed to bi-polar) and needed to see this well known Dr. who specialized in that disorder and I needed to be on medications. She took out a handful of sample medications which she said I needed to take until I got in to see this guy. Bear in mind that I was deep in this depression, it was a very dark place inside me............so I was definitively looking to get out of that feeling and get back to living again as soon as I could. I went home and placed all the medications on my night stand, but didn't take them. I don't really know why. I'd heard of this therapist in the town I was in, who was also a pastor in a church and he was very well regarded and had much success. I got an appointment to see him. I had not taken the medications yet. During my first appointment with the pastor/therapist, he said two important things to me, one was that he thought rather then a chronic depression, he said in his opinion I was having a 'spiritual experience, an [I]awakening[/I]'...........and the other thing he said was that I was incredibly hard on myself and when he said that his eyes welled up with tears and he said he found that so sad that I would be that hard on myself. That empathy he displayed towards me along with a new kind of spin on things made me choose him to do therapy with. Interestingly when I returned to the Psychiatrist for my follow-up, not having taken the drugs, and told her I was choosing to go with the other therapist which I felt was a better fit, she got irritated with me and said something I've never forgotten, she said, "well, it seems you think you can pull yourself up with your own bootstraps..........." to which I said, 'Yes, that's exactly what I believe.' Even in the throes of depression I thought that was an odd thing to say to me. I worked with the Pastor for a couple of years, he was a phenomenal therapist, he '[I]saw'[/I] me, he acknowledged me, he listened to me, he had so much empathy...........within a few weeks that depression lifted..............but more importantly I was now on a clear path, one I was actually already on, but now it had a name, the Pastor helped me to define what I was doing and who I was............. I was on a "spiritual" path, I was searching for 'meaning', I was looking for answers..............that was and[B] is[/B] who I am, the essence of me. BUT, what if I had chosen to take those medications,, go to the famous Doctor who specialized in manic depression..................where would I have gone? Who would I have become? Not to say Psychiatry does not have it's place, or that medications do not have validity, I am not saying that at all............I am simply telling a story about an experience I had and a choice I made which given the discussion we are presently having, has some significance, at least for me. Choices. Our daughters are making choices. If I take my judgments away, that's all they are. Perhaps it's acceptance we are all searching for. My sister refused medication too, like your daughter she did not like feeling like a zombie. She used her art, her creativity, her music, her poetry to stay in balance. She found meaning in what she could create. [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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