Ex has bug up hiss rear now

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by HaoZi, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Just before Labor Day it was all about how he wanted me to send Kiddo down there for the whole summer (seriously? like he'd have a clue or be able to get her medications, therapy, or anything else!). Now he's just in a hurry and willing to give up all custody/rights if I drop support. Has an appointment (I presume by phone) with a lawyer in my area. Said something about wanting the case dropped in my county and started over. Wants a copy of the genetic test results that show Kiddo has an anomaly (yet doesn't understand how they can know that something is different because they don't know what it means... ummm... do you need to know your exact sickness before you go to a doctor? no, that their job... and it's an unmapped genome, so deal with it). Hasn't asked for testing results showing she has autism, though.

    Kiddo says she hates him and says take the deal. I've had two final hearings that became continuances because EX didn't respond/reply with ANYTHING so judge refused to rule. Needless to say, I'm full of anxiety now.

    Oh, and he learned to text recently it seems. That's how he's been telling me all this lately. That's court-admissible stuff here so far as I know. Asked him why he wants to know about her genetics and he said something about having other kids and he needs to know. My response? "Get clipped worry less." I've not heard a reply to that one. Not my fault he keeps impregnating.
     
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Would you rather he just be out of the picture? What a jerk to think he should have no responsibility in her care. Just unbelievable.
     
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'd rather he was out. More to the point, Kiddo wants nothing to do with him since he hasn't bothered. The courts might have a different view of things with all this "shared parenting" koi, however. They're big on that stuff, even when it's not in the kid's best interest.
     
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    What a creep. I get why he wants to give up custody? Why do you think he wanted to have her for the summer? (I think we shall call him "WE do not speak his name")
     
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Honestly? I think kiddo has a point. HOWEVER -----when explaining child support to a child - SHE needs to understand that the SUPPORTING part is already and has already been taken care of BY YOU.......the "measly pittance" that HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED sends you - Is basically payback for YOU - so tell baby that the money is only helping YOU. And in that respect - I would make him pay. Unless you can afford to be rid of HWSNBN and baby would be better off NOT seeing him ever. I think I'd talk it over with a professional.
     
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    It is a pittance he pays, and he owes thousands in back support I have no intention of letting him out of. Does his pittance help? Yes. Could we do without? If I can quit smoking, yes. Incentive to be healthy.
     
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I don't understand why the 10-year old know about the deal, or child support or any of the adult court business???

    I do get her understanding that her dad doesn't show up to visit, but the rest???

    He's going to be shocked that a judge is not likely to allow him to 'give up his rights'. In many states, unless there is a step-parent willing to adopt, it is not happening.
     
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    OMW, now he thinks the gene tests was for her autism, then says he talked to two docs who told him that can't be done. What part of "unmapped genome" was difficult to understand? He doesn't get how they can know the gene is wrong without knowing what's wrong (what it's linked to). Good thing I didn't marry him for his brains.

    Kiddo is mostly up my rear, there's no keeping her out of my business, let alone when he starts texting me in her presence and the eyerolling on my part begins.
     
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    (((((hugs))))) Things like this tend to be emotionally draining, esp when your child is clearly hurt by hs stupidity and lack of basic human decency.

    I don't think you CAN let him off the hook as far as terminating his rights. The courts are determined to not let one parent out of the responsibility pool because society is supposed to be a lifguard, NOt someone to swim for you. This is esp true if you get any help like kids' insurance, foodstamps, etc... The courts feel is it important to have TWO adults who can provide revenue to support the child, and I don't disagree with this - to a point. The ONLY reason my exsil was able to marry my bro is because bro went and took legal responsibility before the court date. Here in OK a pregnant woman is not able to divorce until the child is born and the child is legally the husband of the preg woman. This is why he is not going to be able to get his rights terminated.

    As far as the tests, is eh legally entitled to them? Then he can contact the dr to get them, or the lab that did the testing. I doubt that you are required to pass this stuff to him. At least here t doesn't work that way. I don't think he gives a hoot about passing things on. he wants that testing to prove he is not her father. Period. or because he wants in some study where they get paid and must have a relative with something that would show up on the tests.

    Can you get therapist and school counselor and teacher to talk to kiddo (1 at a tme though!) and get her to talk about bio and how she doesn't want to see him? Can you get them to write a letter saying that kiddo told them whatever about her father and that ti would NOT be good for her to have visits of more than a day? Plus keep a log of EVERYTHING he says and does, and make sure that YOU are calm and civil when interacting about him and that you don'ttrash him if difficult child could possibly hear - even from another room.

    As for court, maybbe your should push your atty to urge the judge to rule aganst ex and put a warrant otu for him for not going and for not paying his support I would THiNK that not going or telling your atty would mean an instant warrant, but that seems to not be the case. i hope the 4th time is OUT and the judge gives you what you want. Who msses court for their child's custody? Seriously? Well, other than my exsil when she was too tired one day. :sochildish:

    This next is going to get some groans. (Please don't throw rotten eggs or tomatoes !) Is there a way to take a parenting course in the near future? Even if you had one years ago, this will show to the court that you are dedicated to being the best possible parent for difficult child. I know you don't need it, but it will give a concrete thing that someone has proof that you did. Someone who is NOT a relative or friend you yours, that is. If you have documentation of a parenting class then skip this, unless it is more than a couple of years old. Useless as these courses are with difficult children, they are great if a judge is involved because they see it as a sign of you working to become a better parent, and continuing to learn new skills and reinforce old one that are good. Think of a secong parenting course as continuing ed classes.Whatever goes on, you will figure out a way for it to become tolerable,
     
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    The court made me take parenting classes and I've had in-home help from CPS, too. Therapist will put stuff down on what forced visits would do to her anxiety level and my fears for my safety and the safety of her classmates and teachers to show the court that forcing her to visit him in the spirit of "shared parenting" would not be in the best interests of her or anyone around her right now, that he needs to establish a relationship with her slowly (he hasn't even asked about her, by the way, he wants the result that shows the abnormal gene, no requests for autism test results, report cards, anything else). If she wants to have a relationship with him it would be best that it's voluntary on her part, because forcing this kid nets bad results and leaves me with colorful bruises.
     
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    That's the case in his state and mine, but he's convinced I'm full of it and that if we both agree the court will allow it (doubt it). I'm more worried the lawyer he talks to will convince him to fight for visitation or will get the current (stagnant but in my county) case dropped, and visitation is by mutual agreement (I'm not an agreeable sort when it involves sending my child to someone who can't be bothered to call more than every 6-9 months and lives 700? 800? miles away and has no way to provide therapy, medications, special diet, etc.).

    He would flat out demand a paternity test and lose that bet just as fast and he knows it.

    I think a lot of this bug up his butt is his girlfriend (whose oldest child and youngest kid are his but middle kid isn't...anyway) might be pressuring him to get married. The money he wants to stop paying out because said youngest child is under a year old (not my problem he can't control himself).
     
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Then I wonder if his CURRENT flav of the week is demanding gene testing to back out of a relationship stating she can't possibly have any of his children and take a chance that they will have Autistic children.....more or less he's putting this on YOUR genes so she WILL marry him and have his baby?? I dunno. He's a real cracker jack prize. My GAWSH we could pick em back then huh?

    I maintain I got the booby prize.
     
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I married him for a reason... twasn't his brains... and obviously I was using my other parts to decide that, too! LMAO. Wait... that explains a lot of poor choices I make.
     
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