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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 446273" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I hope you know you are in my thoughts and prayers each day. We had an eventful week and I over-did it so I can't talk today, but will try tomorrow.</p><p></p><p>Is there any chance that daughter in law will go to the domestic violence center and actually stick with the therapy? I sure hope she gets those babies into some kind of therapy and evaluations. It is very bad for them to see this and not react - that is really scary in ones so tiny.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I think our unemotional men are able to keep that facade up and keep going because we are so much more emotional. They hear us express things and then feel that we understand hwo they feel and then they can go longer with-o saying the words. It took years to figure it out, but I know it is a big part of what my husband does. Esp if I am really upset and he is holding me - it gives him an outlet too. even when he doesn't know it himself.</p><p></p><p>One thing that our kids need to know is that WE think they can do it. whatever it is that they need to do to straighten up and fly right. It shocked me to learn that when I think I am helping or helping to make things better or easier for my kids, the message that they actually receive is that I don't think they can do it. Maybe by letting difficult child 2 handle this on his own you can send the message that he CAN climb up out of this pit, that he CAN get himself under control and that he CAN cope. He is going to keep trying the "don't you love me anymore" **** and you have to harden yourself to that. </p><p></p><p>I know there is a list of responses in one of the detachment threads that is handy to keep posted by the phone. Going back to read some of those threads and find those responses might help during this chapter of your life. </p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 446273, member: 1233"] I hope you know you are in my thoughts and prayers each day. We had an eventful week and I over-did it so I can't talk today, but will try tomorrow. Is there any chance that daughter in law will go to the domestic violence center and actually stick with the therapy? I sure hope she gets those babies into some kind of therapy and evaluations. It is very bad for them to see this and not react - that is really scary in ones so tiny. Sometimes I think our unemotional men are able to keep that facade up and keep going because we are so much more emotional. They hear us express things and then feel that we understand hwo they feel and then they can go longer with-o saying the words. It took years to figure it out, but I know it is a big part of what my husband does. Esp if I am really upset and he is holding me - it gives him an outlet too. even when he doesn't know it himself. One thing that our kids need to know is that WE think they can do it. whatever it is that they need to do to straighten up and fly right. It shocked me to learn that when I think I am helping or helping to make things better or easier for my kids, the message that they actually receive is that I don't think they can do it. Maybe by letting difficult child 2 handle this on his own you can send the message that he CAN climb up out of this pit, that he CAN get himself under control and that he CAN cope. He is going to keep trying the "don't you love me anymore" **** and you have to harden yourself to that. I know there is a list of responses in one of the detachment threads that is handy to keep posted by the phone. Going back to read some of those threads and find those responses might help during this chapter of your life. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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