ExBF obsessed - update

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Marguerite, Dec 9, 2007.

  1. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We still haven't told easy child 2/difficult child 2 about exBF's recent projects. For those who missed this earlier - he has just published his first manga comic (b/w) and the main characters (two of them) are based VERY closely in himself (his alter ego he uses on a well-known animé website - even to the same appearance and same name) and easy child 2/difficult child 2. She is a redhead, not easy to depict in a b/w comic but he's used a greay-scale commonly used to show red hair. He's changed the character's name but only slightly. The girl's character is the darker side of easy child 2/difficult child 2 but amplified a lot, complete with cutting, suicidal tendencies, being very difficult to get on with and hostile - you get the picture. There are some clothing items VERY similar, but this has been argued by some of his friends to be coincidence, because what drew him to easy child 2/difficult child 2 in the first place, is she looks like a manga character (and dresses like one).

    Since then, husband has been surfing the 'Net and found a link to some COLOUR sketches he's done. And now there's no mistake - the eye colour, the hair colour - it's easy child 2/difficult child 2. For those who may not know her as well, you could ague the resemblance is coincidence, but we are her family - we know the shape of her head, the curves of her figure, her specific dimensions. And to see a colour illustration which you recognise as your daughter (complete to clothes of her own design which I could go and fetch from her wardrobe) - it's creepy. And when one of those sketches shows the girl half-naked wearing a chastity belt (with nothing under the chastity belt) - it REALLY creeps me out.

    NO way are we showing her, or BF1 (fiancé).

    I'm not sure what to do about this. I could get in touch with him and ask him to cease and desist but he clearly has invested a lot in this character, his first comic book is clearly the first in a series. Plus, he's a real drama queen (and in my opinion, still carrying a BIG torch for easy child 2/difficult child 2) and ANY reaction from our family is likely to give him satisfaction.

    But on the other hand, I don't want her first encounter with her won image as a cartoon porn star, to be seeing it on the display table at the next manga convention.

    It really is obvious. The only people who don't think it is, are HIS friends primarily (who are also difficult child 1's friends) who don't want to admit they did not show her enough support when the break-up happened; it's easier to still behave as if there is no big deal over anything.

    Still not sure what to do.

    The boy has talent. He could sell this work here and overseas in Japan (his ambition is to go there and work as a cartoonist).

    My friend who I go to for legal advice is currently out of the country, right when I really need to talk to her. Still, nothing is going to happen very fast. And thankfully, the boy lives interstate. I just wish he'd get a life and find a totally new girl to immortalise - or preferably, be better at making something up and not try cartooning from life.

    What to do?

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm sorry. What a situation to be in.

    But I can't really figure a law that's been broken. (granted I'm no lawyer) I mean, it's not like he's publishing a photo. It's a drawing..... I hope you lawyer friend can help.

    I mean, ok so you base your character on someone, that's pretty common in the art world. But I don't really know how far someone can take that.

    Honestly though, while I understand you not wanting to tell her, I think this is something I'd prefer knowing from someone who cares about me instead of stumbling upon it myself. At least then she can prepare herself.

  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I agree with Lisa, I think I would rather tell her myself than wait for someone to. Those anime woman are usually very curvy and sexy!

    Hopefully easy child 2 will be flattered that a character is based on her, and finance won't be too upset.

  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    I would show your daughter. She's an adult.

    I would NOT contact exBF. Probably the reaction he's looking for if he's obsessed. Don't give him the satisfaction.

    in my humble opinion.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    She's due to go back to her psychologist. I think I'll talk to her (psychologist) and see what she thinks. No chance of easy child 2/difficult child 2 stumbling across anything for some months yet. The resemblance in the colour images (of the same character he's used in the b/w magazine) are clearly easy child 2/difficult child 2, absolutely no doubt. Legally - a case could possibly be made for libel, except trying to fight a libel case is really expensive and I wouldn't want to do that. The references to the character's suicidal tendencies, the self-mutilation, the unpleasantness - there would be enough grounds. And looking at the soft-porn drawing he's done of her, it would seem there is a lot more planned for this character in future issues. If they were still together I think she would be upset that he is showing so much of her own problems when they met, to the world at large.

    The character IS technically protagonist, it's just intended as a dark story, dark topic. Connecting it to teen angst.

    husband lurks here, he's also a CD member, so he will read your replies also.

    If we can wait until we're past Christmas, her stress levels might be lower and she will be more able to deal with this. It's been difficult lately, with college studies increasing her anxiety.

    I suspect once she's over the first shock the first thing she will do is note the bust-size of the character (not large, but definitely has boobs). When they broke up one of his insults to her announced publicly online was that "she has the maturity of a 12 year old and the boobs to match". He knew that was a a sore point, he was aiming to hurt. And although he later retracted it (and wanted to get back together!) the damage was done. Once something is out in cyberspace, it's there for good.

    We're definitely watching this one closely.

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You've pretty much answered it yourself:

    ANY reaction from our family is likely to give him satisfaction.

    But on the other hand, I don't want her first encounter with her won image as

    In addition, if as you say, "The boy has talent. He could sell this work here and overseas in Japan" he will surely move on to other things.

    I do not see where any law at all is broken. In our country, it's freedom of press and speech.

    Your concern is for your daughter, and since she's 21, you cannot protect her forever. I'd ask the psychiatric the best approach ... whether your daughter should find out from you (with-a blase' or rolling-of-the-eye approach as much as possible, because "OMG!" emotion will inflame her). Is there any possibility that she already knows and is hiding it from YOU so you don't freak? Wouldn't that be ironic.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    You will be in for a very large court battle, and most likely loose on the grounds of "prove it" - Believe it or not I went through a similar situation with a man much older than I who loved to draw women in the nude. He drew other things as well but approached me about 'modeling' for him. Stating his wife didn't mind. (Yeah right)

    I said no several times - finally he drew a series of portraits of a woman that was my spitting image except the woman in the portrait had nasty outfits on. It was VERY clear to anyone who looked at the paintings that it was me. The only problem was I never posed. EVER. I wasn't even flattered - it creeped me out.

    A woman who bought one of the portraits for her husband told me I was over reacting, and should be happy anyone wanted to paint my picture. Stating further nude art was just that - My problem wasn't the art it was the permission thing. I said no, I meant no and he did it anyway AND profited off several drawings. That made me sick - because he would say "You know so and so Star over at the such and such?"

    I consulted an attorney and he said that there was very little I could do - it was interpretation. I said what about him telling people it was ME? He said "Get them to say it in a court of law" Oh bother. Forget about it.

    So I had a friend take a picture of him, and painted his head on the body of a pig holding art brushes and pencils. I hung it right where he could see it as we all frequented the same places. Everyone got a huge laugh out of it - got the message and when he said "I should sue you" I said "Prove that picture is you - it's all interpretation." Point made - and his paintings which were his interpretation of me stopped being circulated for sale.

    He is a sick man - the best you can do in situations like that is be prepared, and change your places, friends etc.

    Somedays I'm not so upset I'm heavy now. lol

    And as far as telling easy child/difficult child - well if she see's it - she's more than likely going to confront him about it and that seems to be old burning torches trilogy - I love you, I paint you, You get mad and come see me (repeat)

    I'd just keep a watch on him - you have the web site - see what comes in the second book.

    YOU know it's her - the rest of the world doesn't unless you tell them...friends and family included.

  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It's an interesting point.

    I wouldn't waste my time and effort suing him - he's got no money anyhow, it would achieve zero, even if we won. It would then only prove a limited point.

    At this stage I'm counting on her not seeing it because there isn't a convention for six months or more; the only circulation at the moment is limited to his friends, most of whom are interstate (and one of whom is difficult child 1).

    Those friends who know them both, have their own ideas. When looking JUST at the comic book most recognise a strong resemblance to easy child 2/difficult child 2, sufficient to say it's based on her. The main exceptions are those who took HIS side in the break-up and now are trying to make light of how badly he treated her. That includes his old mates from school, and difficult child 1's best friend's girlfriend.
    But they haven't seen the colour pics which are VERY like easy child 2/difficult child 2, plus they show clothing of easy child 2/difficult child 2 design which doesn't exist outside her own wardrobe. She used variations on those designs in her submission to get into fashion design classes. One skirt in particular - tartan skirt with rips and safety pins, he's even got the safety pins placed where she has them. Definitely not random. And the same corsets (one-offs again, made by a costumier designer in a small back street of Sydney).

    We would be easily able to make a case that it's her, based on the colour drawings. If I showed them to you and then told you to pick easy child 2/difficult child 2 out of a line-up, you would have no trouble, even in a line-up of other Goth girls.

    Star, your description of events is creepily similar. If easy child 2/difficult child 2 gets upset when she finds out and wants to do things inadvisable, I will instead suggest your option to her. We have plenty of photos we could use as a basis for sketches, he is VERY distinctive in appearance.
    When he blogged nastily, she was about to blog nastily back but we stopped her, told her that's how wars escalate. While we kept copies of everything, she instead wrote blogs describing how free she felt and how happy she was just skipping in the sunshine - no mention of losing him or anything unpleasant. When he finally rang to ask her to get back together (and tried to pretend he'd not written any blog) she congratulated him on his good judgement for breaking up, said it was a sound decision which she was bound to respect.

    This could all disappear into a black hole of indifference. If there's no demand, he will be hard-pressed to print the next chapter in the story. Also, I'm hoping that now he's published this first chapter, some of the pressure inside him has been released and he may be in a better position to move on? Draw new characters, although he's clearly invested a lot of time and effort with this one.

    Terry, I know easy child 2/difficult child 2 doesn't know about this. She is VERY open, we would have heard the screams of outrage (initially). A later reaction may be more balanced, but she does tell me everything like this. We've even discussed the sex life they had (which confirmed for me that he had NO IDEA on how to look after his girl, or how to have a healthy relationship).

    I don't like to think of her being angry with him. I'd much prefer indifference. This - it's not conducive to indifference. From one point of view it IS flattering, but as Star pointed out, he did not have permission and hence it's an invasion.

    She just got home, I'd better close.