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Exhausting weeks with 50% step-son who doesn't listen...Please help...
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 724428" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>I know how draining this can be. But don't screw it yet. It's sounds like he is seeking attention, and getting it the only way he knows he will work. </p><p></p><p>It's encouraging that you saw changes almost immediately after applying some new tactics. It sounds like some of the things you tried - with giving him more of your time and personal attention etc helped things go better. It could be that towards the end of his stay with you last time, he may have tried to test you by pulling some old tricks, or maybe he was specifically upset about something or tired out that particular day. I also see it as a good sign that he quickly got over his "tantrum" blow ups and wanted to again join the family peaceably. </p><p></p><p>You might take a time to talk to him alone when he is peaceable, like if you are out in the yard or something and then just casually bring up the situations to discuss, for example... " <em>hey bud -</em> <em>remember the time when the Christmas music was playing and you got mad because you didn't like it.... I'm really sorry you felt that way and that you acted mad. I understand when we don't like something - that happens to me too. But that's the time to come and talk to me or mom to explain nicely what's bothering you, and tell people what you feel and why, and ask them how to make it better. Now that you are such a big boy, you can talk to us like a big boy. We don't have to yell and say bad words and run to our room and everyone feels bad. We want to work together to help each other in the family and enjoy our home together... etc etc.</em>" These are just social life skills people / children need to learn, and he may feel special that you are sharing with him and showing your own rational approach to talking about things. Maybe give it a try (?) </p><p></p><p>Plan time to fit in something personally attentive to him (without the sister). Set a time limit if needed. Play a few card games ( for ex - tell him "<em>right now we can only play 1 or 3 games</em>" or "<em>right now we can play for 20 minutes - let's set a timer."</em> ) - teach a new card game or he shows you one he knows - Crazy 8s? or something, and then when he wins, "high 5" him and show excitement for "re-match". Show you really think he's fun when he is behaving. And you can talk about making a plan with him to continue the games when he comes again, or make a plan for what you will do with him next time. </p><p></p><p>Since you did see some change when new methods and approaches were used, keep trying the new techniques, spending more attention and perhaps offer a good positive comment / reinforcement when warranted. With him seeing the change in you, and that you are sticking with the changes, he may want to cooperate with it for his own benefit, if he is getting more attention and strokes from you folks. </p><p> Take care and hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 724428, member: 19617"] I know how draining this can be. But don't screw it yet. It's sounds like he is seeking attention, and getting it the only way he knows he will work. It's encouraging that you saw changes almost immediately after applying some new tactics. It sounds like some of the things you tried - with giving him more of your time and personal attention etc helped things go better. It could be that towards the end of his stay with you last time, he may have tried to test you by pulling some old tricks, or maybe he was specifically upset about something or tired out that particular day. I also see it as a good sign that he quickly got over his "tantrum" blow ups and wanted to again join the family peaceably. You might take a time to talk to him alone when he is peaceable, like if you are out in the yard or something and then just casually bring up the situations to discuss, for example... " [I]hey bud -[/I] [I]remember the time when the Christmas music was playing and you got mad because you didn't like it.... I'm really sorry you felt that way and that you acted mad. I understand when we don't like something - that happens to me too. But that's the time to come and talk to me or mom to explain nicely what's bothering you, and tell people what you feel and why, and ask them how to make it better. Now that you are such a big boy, you can talk to us like a big boy. We don't have to yell and say bad words and run to our room and everyone feels bad. We want to work together to help each other in the family and enjoy our home together... etc etc.[/I]" These are just social life skills people / children need to learn, and he may feel special that you are sharing with him and showing your own rational approach to talking about things. Maybe give it a try (?) Plan time to fit in something personally attentive to him (without the sister). Set a time limit if needed. Play a few card games ( for ex - tell him "[I]right now we can only play 1 or 3 games[/I]" or "[I]right now we can play for 20 minutes - let's set a timer."[/I] ) - teach a new card game or he shows you one he knows - Crazy 8s? or something, and then when he wins, "high 5" him and show excitement for "re-match". Show you really think he's fun when he is behaving. And you can talk about making a plan with him to continue the games when he comes again, or make a plan for what you will do with him next time. Since you did see some change when new methods and approaches were used, keep trying the new techniques, spending more attention and perhaps offer a good positive comment / reinforcement when warranted. With him seeing the change in you, and that you are sticking with the changes, he may want to cooperate with it for his own benefit, if he is getting more attention and strokes from you folks. Take care and hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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Exhausting weeks with 50% step-son who doesn't listen...Please help...
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