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Substance Abuse
Expanding on Anger/Detachment/LaLaLa...I struggle with DETACHMENT vs OWNERSHIP VENT
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 561934"><p>Thats a very good point about when our kids are adults we become more like friends.... and I think that can be a hard transition for many parents, going from parent to friend and letting go of trying to parent the kid. Gee my inlaws still havent learned that and it drives me (the outlaw) nuts. My mom and I became very good friends, in fact she was my best friend. I remember clearly when our relationship changed because my parents got divorced when I was 23 and my mom needed me in a new way. We became very close friends and were until she died. I now see myself in that transition with my easy child daughter... I am still her parent because she is not on her own yet, but we are moving toward being more equal... and travelling with her this summer really solidifed that.</p><p></p><p>However with a difficult child adult kid I think it is harder. Because they make such bad choices, and with drug use have not grown up and are so immature it is natural for us to think and feel they are sitll kids... and fact is they do still NEED parenting except that they dont too. And I know one of the dances I am doing with my difficult child is him needing to realize that i am really not the authoritarian, puritanical mother he sees me as... he sees me that way because I had to have rules for him as a child and he really hasnt gotten to know me as a person. Some day if he gets himself together i hope we can have a more adult relationship.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 561934"] Thats a very good point about when our kids are adults we become more like friends.... and I think that can be a hard transition for many parents, going from parent to friend and letting go of trying to parent the kid. Gee my inlaws still havent learned that and it drives me (the outlaw) nuts. My mom and I became very good friends, in fact she was my best friend. I remember clearly when our relationship changed because my parents got divorced when I was 23 and my mom needed me in a new way. We became very close friends and were until she died. I now see myself in that transition with my easy child daughter... I am still her parent because she is not on her own yet, but we are moving toward being more equal... and travelling with her this summer really solidifed that. However with a difficult child adult kid I think it is harder. Because they make such bad choices, and with drug use have not grown up and are so immature it is natural for us to think and feel they are sitll kids... and fact is they do still NEED parenting except that they dont too. And I know one of the dances I am doing with my difficult child is him needing to realize that i am really not the authoritarian, puritanical mother he sees me as... he sees me that way because I had to have rules for him as a child and he really hasnt gotten to know me as a person. Some day if he gets himself together i hope we can have a more adult relationship. TL [/QUOTE]
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