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Expanding on Anger/Detachment/LaLaLa...I struggle with DETACHMENT vs OWNERSHIP VENT
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 561979"><p>May I say (AGAIN) - that I love you guys...</p><p></p><p>I am so glad to know I am not alone in my struggle -- yet I am in awe of the grace that my board sisters possess. I strive for that own grace; for the ability to know that his behavior isn't acceptable, yet the grace to accept him.*</p><p></p><p>TL - I understand what you are saying about the need for our relationship to transition from an active parenting role to more of a friendship. And your comments really gave me a new perspective And I appreciate it so much. At the same time; that's also part of my struggle. If it were ANYONE but my child; I would not accept this RUDENESS. Sure, I wouldn't sit a friend down and tell them they are an idiot; (which I long to do with difficult child) but I also would not chose to remain friends with someone so clueless and so self centered. But it is what it is and not atypical 20 yo male behavior; and I guess I will draw a line in a sand at some point way in the future if he does not mature out of it.</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><em>*And I know that's part of the serenity prayer and I wish there were a magical Al Anon group somewhere for me. Instead, I have you guys. I tried a in real life support group but I haven't found one that fits. The AL Anon group is full of spouses and with a few (mostly seniors-scary) parents whose adult kids are in the throes of addiction. Plus they have street parking and are in the middle of town and people driving by would know my car and speculate. Which sounds paranoid but it's true. My friends know about difficult child, HIS friends' parents know, but I don't need the (as in, my little) world to wonder why Signorina is going to AA. The more "narcotic" parent oriented group across town is mostly parents of kids who were in recovery at the facility where it's held - and who often still participate in the program in some realm - and have horror stories. I KNOW my kid has a substance problem-because his life is a problem and substance use is a part of it. I can't say he is an addict for sure (though I believe it) and I know many families would think his sowing his oats is just fine. I may need to go back to therapy for a shot in the arm once in a while. (not literally!) I left the last visit feeling so empowered and reassured - yet it was almost a year ago. I think I may get an appointment "on the books"; just in case.</em></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 561979"] May I say (AGAIN) - that I love you guys... I am so glad to know I am not alone in my struggle -- yet I am in awe of the grace that my board sisters possess. I strive for that own grace; for the ability to know that his behavior isn't acceptable, yet the grace to accept him.* TL - I understand what you are saying about the need for our relationship to transition from an active parenting role to more of a friendship. And your comments really gave me a new perspective And I appreciate it so much. At the same time; that's also part of my struggle. If it were ANYONE but my child; I would not accept this RUDENESS. Sure, I wouldn't sit a friend down and tell them they are an idiot; (which I long to do with difficult child) but I also would not chose to remain friends with someone so clueless and so self centered. But it is what it is and not atypical 20 yo male behavior; and I guess I will draw a line in a sand at some point way in the future if he does not mature out of it. [SIZE=2][I]*And I know that's part of the serenity prayer and I wish there were a magical Al Anon group somewhere for me. Instead, I have you guys. I tried a in real life support group but I haven't found one that fits. The AL Anon group is full of spouses and with a few (mostly seniors-scary) parents whose adult kids are in the throes of addiction. Plus they have street parking and are in the middle of town and people driving by would know my car and speculate. Which sounds paranoid but it's true. My friends know about difficult child, HIS friends' parents know, but I don't need the (as in, my little) world to wonder why Signorina is going to AA. The more "narcotic" parent oriented group across town is mostly parents of kids who were in recovery at the facility where it's held - and who often still participate in the program in some realm - and have horror stories. I KNOW my kid has a substance problem-because his life is a problem and substance use is a part of it. I can't say he is an addict for sure (though I believe it) and I know many families would think his sowing his oats is just fine. I may need to go back to therapy for a shot in the arm once in a while. (not literally!) I left the last visit feeling so empowered and reassured - yet it was almost a year ago. I think I may get an appointment "on the books"; just in case.[/I][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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