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explaining lack of playdates
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 405047" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>This is always a hard issue to deal with. Both my difficult child's have felt the pain of social isolation because of their behavior. In difficult child 1's case, it was due to his withdrawn behavior, lack of reaching out and engaging with his peers, etc. He still struggles with this, despite our encouragement for him to pick up the phone, call people, email, connect in any way that he can.</p><p>For my difficult child 2, the lack of friends had more to do with his awkward behavior and immature social skills. I tried explaining as frankly as I could the reasons why he had a hard time attracting friends, and also that it was my job to help him figure out better ways of interacting with people. That way he could view it as a lack of skills rather than a character flaw.</p><p> </p><p>One of the things I did for a couple of years was host a Halloween party as a pretense for inviting LOTS of kids to our house and sort of building good PR for my difficult children. I realize this isn't always a feasible solution for many, but it went a loooong way towards helping my difficult child's be identified as "fun" among their peers, even if it was only for a short time. The kids at school all remembered the event. Maybe arranging for a group movie matinee outing... (dutch treat, of course), or some other group activity that gets kids together for a fun activity they can associate with your difficult child attending. That can set the stage for more one-on-one activities in the future.</p><p> </p><p>Have you tried nailing down a specific invite to the other child as opposed to an open-ended-someday-let's-get-together activity? For example, have your child call the other child and say "I'd like to invite you to my house to play on Saturday, from 1-3pm. Can you let me know by tomorrow if you can come or not?" This forces an answer to a specific request. When they call back, if it's to decline, you can then ask when would be a better time and go on to explain how much your difficult child and the other child enjoy playing together and that you're hoping it will help difficult child with his developing social skills.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 405047, member: 3444"] This is always a hard issue to deal with. Both my difficult child's have felt the pain of social isolation because of their behavior. In difficult child 1's case, it was due to his withdrawn behavior, lack of reaching out and engaging with his peers, etc. He still struggles with this, despite our encouragement for him to pick up the phone, call people, email, connect in any way that he can. For my difficult child 2, the lack of friends had more to do with his awkward behavior and immature social skills. I tried explaining as frankly as I could the reasons why he had a hard time attracting friends, and also that it was my job to help him figure out better ways of interacting with people. That way he could view it as a lack of skills rather than a character flaw. One of the things I did for a couple of years was host a Halloween party as a pretense for inviting LOTS of kids to our house and sort of building good PR for my difficult children. I realize this isn't always a feasible solution for many, but it went a loooong way towards helping my difficult child's be identified as "fun" among their peers, even if it was only for a short time. The kids at school all remembered the event. Maybe arranging for a group movie matinee outing... (dutch treat, of course), or some other group activity that gets kids together for a fun activity they can associate with your difficult child attending. That can set the stage for more one-on-one activities in the future. Have you tried nailing down a specific invite to the other child as opposed to an open-ended-someday-let's-get-together activity? For example, have your child call the other child and say "I'd like to invite you to my house to play on Saturday, from 1-3pm. Can you let me know by tomorrow if you can come or not?" This forces an answer to a specific request. When they call back, if it's to decline, you can then ask when would be a better time and go on to explain how much your difficult child and the other child enjoy playing together and that you're hoping it will help difficult child with his developing social skills. [/QUOTE]
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