ccaplinger
New Member
I just found this message board a couple of days ago but haven't had time to post yet. Let me give you a brief introduction and then I have a question.
My husband and I have adopted two boys from foster care. They are 14 and 15. Our oldest son is the one with behavioral problems including a diagnosis of ODD. He has been with us 5 1/2 years. Our younger son has attachment issues and can get angry but does not get violent.
Here's my most recent issue:
My son has been on a 10 day suspension for deviance (5th offense). Since I normally work during the day he has been home by himself or so I thought. Last week his girlfriend skipped school twice and spent the day at my house before being caught by her dad after the school called them. I confronted him when I found out about it on Friday. Of course he lied about it even though she admitted to her mother while I was on phone with her that she was here both days all day. He got angry at me and attacked me. He held me down on the floor for several minutes while I tried to fight him off. He attempted to choke me numerous times. The attack was so violent he even knocked out one of my contacts. Most of the attack was to my neck and chest. In fact my husband thought he might have broken my jaw. It is still sore but never showed visible bruises. He also bloodied my mouth causing some bruising. The most visible injury was to my right eye where he left a large bruise. (And of course he has some scratches on his face and arms. And yes a police report was filed and both officers believed that he had attacked me because all of our stories were consistent. My husband wasn't home at the time but my younger son was.)
We had a meeting at the school district office yesterday to see if he would even be let back into school. The moment I stepped off the elevator the administrator somehow noticed my eye even though I had just put on makeup. I kind of shrugged it off but briefly explained it later during the meeting.
Then again today an old friend of mine from high school (20 years ago) noticed the bruise under my eye when I stopped in at the pharmacy she works at to pick up a prescription for my husband. I have never had long conversations with her about my kids although I have told her they are adopted and she has met them. I explained that my son did it and has a very bad temper at times.
How do you explain these bruises to people? Do you honestly tell them who did it, especially those who don't know the child or what his history is? Or do you just make up a story such as I ran into a door or a table?
Additional comments: He has been in therapy for years. Although he hasn't been in a couple of months because his behavior had been getting better. His OSS was for defiance. This, and disrespect, is all he has had all year. In the past we have had fights and physical violence so he is getting better. It has been about two years since we have had to make a police report on him. And I have been investigated and charged (only by the state child services, not criminally) with child abuse. I had to sue the state before I could get the b*#%'s report overturned, which took a year and a half.
My husband and I have adopted two boys from foster care. They are 14 and 15. Our oldest son is the one with behavioral problems including a diagnosis of ODD. He has been with us 5 1/2 years. Our younger son has attachment issues and can get angry but does not get violent.
Here's my most recent issue:
My son has been on a 10 day suspension for deviance (5th offense). Since I normally work during the day he has been home by himself or so I thought. Last week his girlfriend skipped school twice and spent the day at my house before being caught by her dad after the school called them. I confronted him when I found out about it on Friday. Of course he lied about it even though she admitted to her mother while I was on phone with her that she was here both days all day. He got angry at me and attacked me. He held me down on the floor for several minutes while I tried to fight him off. He attempted to choke me numerous times. The attack was so violent he even knocked out one of my contacts. Most of the attack was to my neck and chest. In fact my husband thought he might have broken my jaw. It is still sore but never showed visible bruises. He also bloodied my mouth causing some bruising. The most visible injury was to my right eye where he left a large bruise. (And of course he has some scratches on his face and arms. And yes a police report was filed and both officers believed that he had attacked me because all of our stories were consistent. My husband wasn't home at the time but my younger son was.)
We had a meeting at the school district office yesterday to see if he would even be let back into school. The moment I stepped off the elevator the administrator somehow noticed my eye even though I had just put on makeup. I kind of shrugged it off but briefly explained it later during the meeting.
Then again today an old friend of mine from high school (20 years ago) noticed the bruise under my eye when I stopped in at the pharmacy she works at to pick up a prescription for my husband. I have never had long conversations with her about my kids although I have told her they are adopted and she has met them. I explained that my son did it and has a very bad temper at times.
How do you explain these bruises to people? Do you honestly tell them who did it, especially those who don't know the child or what his history is? Or do you just make up a story such as I ran into a door or a table?
Additional comments: He has been in therapy for years. Although he hasn't been in a couple of months because his behavior had been getting better. His OSS was for defiance. This, and disrespect, is all he has had all year. In the past we have had fights and physical violence so he is getting better. It has been about two years since we have had to make a police report on him. And I have been investigated and charged (only by the state child services, not criminally) with child abuse. I had to sue the state before I could get the b*#%'s report overturned, which took a year and a half.