Explicit sexual descriptions in a notebook ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, May 17, 2013.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Last night, I found a spiral school notebook that appeared to be love letters from difficult child's girlfriend to him. I wasn't wearing my glasses, but once I figured out what I was reading, WOW! So far, they've pretty much kept their clothes on but they do not hold back at all with-sexual vocab. I put the notebook back behind the living room pillow where I found it.
    I try to supervise them, but they sneak right in front of me. Yesterday, while I was making dinner, they were on the couch under a blanket, supposedly watching a movie. I walked into the LR and saw her on top of him, appearing to be writhing, and I said, "Sit UP and get rid of that blanket! I've got some homework here to talk to you about."
    difficult child yelled "What!? We weren't doing anything."
    He zoomed into the kitchen and confronted me, saying, "She was just moving."
    "Yes, she surely was!"
    Now what?
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh hon... The only thing worse is to see a nekkid butt. No more blankets... Sheesh.

    So I'm going to suggest you buy him condoms and show him how to use them. Better yet have easy child show him - with you there - maximum embarrassment.

    Cuz at 16... Not much you can do... :sigh:
  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Make sure there is reliable contraception for them and access to condoms. Tell them they are still too young and shouldn't hurry. Keep trying to keep an eye on them. But in the end you can't make them not to have sex. And it is age appropriate that they are interested and you are lucky they are in good and committed relationship. Sexuality is a part of life where parent really doesn't have much right to make decisions for their kids. You can talk till you are blue, but it is not likely to make much difference. So you can only hope for the best and make it easy for them to be responsible with it.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You can't stop it. Agree. But you sure can stop it from going on in your own house.

    I would definitely make sure both know about contraception. There really isn't any way to stop two teens in heat from having sex if they want to. Best not to have a grandchild!!!!
  5. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Talk to him and provide him with contraception ASAP. It seems like them having sex is inevitable at this point. It's better for him to be aware and prepared than to end up a teenage father.

    And definitely no more blankets.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, I thought I'd made the no-blanket thing clear months ago but with-difficult children, they just keep going.
    I'll have to buy some condoms today ... ugh. Not my favorite parenting task.
  7. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Yes - difficult child's do keep going. I know that all too well.

    And I agree - not a favorite parenting task - but MUCH better than a baby! Uggggh - can you imagine??
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I would die.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I would also be making them aware that you found the notebook - and they don't get it back.
    It wasn't in his room or any private place.
    You have every right - and every reason - to clean the couch from time to time.
    SO... it isn't private.
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Seen the video of two grown men having simulated labor contractions? If only that was an option to put high schoolers through, there might a lot less babies. But maybe you could show him the video on top of education him on condoms.
  11. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I second that!! and Ewwwww!!! KSM
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ahh the joys of teen sexuality! As the parent of 3 boys I wish they had the birth control pill for males available now or that they would make salt peter available over the counter. I would have put it in my kids food liberally.

    Now is the time to get condoms for him but also to take him and her for a ride on the interstate with the doors locked so they cant get out of the car. Tell them in no uncertain terms about the consequences about having sex at their ages. Unwanted pregnancy, STD's, and the emotional aspects that will come from these decisions. You want to have this conversation in the car doing about 65 because they will want to get away from the topic. Make sure they dont have earbuds before they get in the car!
  13. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    It's the age! :( Ms Queen just turned 16 but has been starting to act out. Thankfully it has not been to much physical stuff but she sure is acting out verbally (text) and I've had to put a stop to it really quick! She's RPing and that's NOT ok!

    Told her it's time for her first trip to gyn. We've talked before and she's refused but now I've put my foot down and explained to her that there is no "NO' this time.....I did explain that there are more reasons then just the above in her case. her psychiatrist and primary care have been bugging for this to happen due to mood disorder. Since when do these kinds of dr's push this just because of diagnosis? I didn't have this with older difficult child....
  14. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Eww. I think you did the right thing about saying no blanket an letting her hear you say it too.
    My ex husband and I when we dated he was 22 and I was 18, out of respect for my mother in law we did not even couch snuggle sans blanket or anything and we were "adults".
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Rots of Ruck. Geez..........I hated those hormonal years. Hugs DDD
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's human sexuality for a reason - we are human, we are going to have sex. Teenage boys and raging hormones are the ultimate. Sex experts will tell you that boys between the ages of 13 and 18 masturbate on an average of 3 times per day! - although it's the higher number in the younger age range.

    As the "sole" parent (meaning the only parent interested in having the conversation) of a young male, we talked about it from pretty early on. When it came time to offer the condoms, it was not uncomfortable. I happen to have a very old and dear friend who actually teaches teachers in my state to teach sex ed and also volunteers at a local urban clinic. He brought me a "brown paper bag" filled with different types of condoms to give to difficult child.

    All I told him was (and don't read this if you embarass easily) - look, B asked if it was ok to send this to you and I told him it was. I'm giving you this bag so you can see what options are out there in condoms. In the privacy of your own room it's a good idea to practice because you have two choices when comes to using them during sex the first time - knowing how to put it on properly and having no idea what you are doing. This is not my permission to go out and become sexually active - this is my way of making sure you are informed and safe. A couple simple rules - always check the expiration date, never tear it open with your teeth like you see in the movies, it could put a hole in the condom, and make sure you pull out before you get soft to prevent the condom slipping off.

    That was it. Then we just moved on. I think the key with this stuff (for those of you with younger kids) is to make sure you have the conversation about sex, your values, etc., beginning when they are young and you can give them "just enough" information and then continue from there. In that way, you both are comfortable with the conversation. Really, these days it can be a life saver and shouldn't be something we are skittish with. It's a natural part of life....


    P.S. - Terry, I agree - no more blankets!!!! I also agree that you should speak to both of them (note I didn't say confront) and let them know you found the notebook. I think the worse thing we can do is treat this as being abnormal. It's a normal part of growing up - we just have to guide them into a respectful and responsible attitude towards sex.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear. I have to run downstairs to see if the notebook is still there~
  18. jal

    jal Member

    I have to laugh, not because of this seriousness of this thread, but because today my difficult child who is 10 didn't want to wear his new protective cup to little league, sensory issues. He pitched for the first time today and I told him on the way home that if he got hit there it would not be pretty. He told me, you don't want me to get hit there because you want grandchildren. I said, "NOT ANYTIME SOON". and he assured me that there wouldn't be any grandchildren anytime soon. :)
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon....we pretty much did the same thing though with three boys the large box of condoms was just placed in the bottom of the bathroom cabinet and kept filled from the time the became teens. Cory was the first sexually active kid...duh. He came home and bragged all about it...much to my horror. We knew when he first did everything! LOL

    All I knew was I didnt want anyone to get pregnant.

    We had talked about sex and feelings and reproduction...which they understood well because they had seen so many animals reproduce.
  20. IT1967

    IT1967 Member

    Not to get totally Occupational Therapist (OT), but for those of you saying we need to start talking to our kids about sex early (and I whole-heartedly agree, by the way), exactly when?! My difficult child 1 (F) is 10 and difficult child 2 (M) is 8. I've gently tried to broach the topic with-difficult child 1 and it freaks her out and she wants no part of it. I bought her those American Girl books about puberty, etc.... I wanted to read them with-her. Wasn't happening, so I gave them to her to read herself. I know it's way too early for me to worry, but gosh, this stuff is so hard!!