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explosive anger......
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 303428" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I iwll be VERY honest with you, Jen.</p><p></p><p>WHY did you even for a MINUTE think your SO would do anything other than to pacify her to keep her calm? While he hasn't pitched you and your difficult child and daughter out, he IS still largely funding his ex's lifestyle with her girlfriend. LONG after the courts said he did not have to.</p><p></p><p>He will NOT put any limits on his ex and her hold on him. Not now and not at any point in the future, regardless of whether you marry him or not.</p><p></p><p>He has NEVER disciplined the kids. He won't ever.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, you can NOT parent his kids. Ever. No matter if you are living with their dad, or are married to him or anything else.</p><p></p><p>ALL you can do is share the house with them when they come over. They are going to disrupt every holiday they can, and no 14yo raised the way she has been will ever show an adult the kind of respect you want.</p><p></p><p>All of this has only one variable that you can count on changing or influencing.</p><p></p><p>YOU. Your attituded, expectations and interactions with the other players in your life.</p><p></p><p>You will not ever change him or make him more okay with confrontation. He just is not going to change.</p><p></p><p>I know it hurts, but it is just life. </p><p></p><p>YOU have to decide if the relationship is worth it or not. If it is, then you have to handle ehr differently. With kid gloves. Step AWAY from parenting her and just exist with her. Let her DAD decide on movie night. If you have a problem, talk to HIM, not her.</p><p></p><p>Sorry I couldn't tell you what you watned to hear. She IS going to get worse. You are right about that. But he won't put his foot down.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 303428, member: 1233"] I iwll be VERY honest with you, Jen. WHY did you even for a MINUTE think your SO would do anything other than to pacify her to keep her calm? While he hasn't pitched you and your difficult child and daughter out, he IS still largely funding his ex's lifestyle with her girlfriend. LONG after the courts said he did not have to. He will NOT put any limits on his ex and her hold on him. Not now and not at any point in the future, regardless of whether you marry him or not. He has NEVER disciplined the kids. He won't ever. Sadly, you can NOT parent his kids. Ever. No matter if you are living with their dad, or are married to him or anything else. ALL you can do is share the house with them when they come over. They are going to disrupt every holiday they can, and no 14yo raised the way she has been will ever show an adult the kind of respect you want. All of this has only one variable that you can count on changing or influencing. YOU. Your attituded, expectations and interactions with the other players in your life. You will not ever change him or make him more okay with confrontation. He just is not going to change. I know it hurts, but it is just life. YOU have to decide if the relationship is worth it or not. If it is, then you have to handle ehr differently. With kid gloves. Step AWAY from parenting her and just exist with her. Let her DAD decide on movie night. If you have a problem, talk to HIM, not her. Sorry I couldn't tell you what you watned to hear. She IS going to get worse. You are right about that. But he won't put his foot down. [/QUOTE]
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