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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 606741" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>How was his behavior when you stayed at your Mom's? How is his behavior when he visits with his Dad and family? How is he doing at the school? Most difficult children adapt different patterns depending on where they are located. I am curious.</p><p></p><p>I know that you have struggled for years in your attempts to provide a consistent home environment & schedule. It is extremely difficult to rewire patterns in order to provide the calm consistent daily life that most difficult children require. You and J have spent many years alone and although I have no doubt that he recognizes the depth of your devotion I do strongly advise that you refrain from sharing labels and analysis with him. in my humble opinion he does not need to identify himself by his labeled behaviors. Im my experience (and, of course, each of us is different and all of us imperfect!) it is time to teach him to recognize when HE needs to withdraw from situations that may lead to confrontation. Recognizing when he is triggering negative responses may empower him to take breaks as needed so he can chill. Most kids and adults have times when they "sense" that a change of pace or location is needed. He has many positive attributes that can build appropriate self esteem. Many of our children have not been so blessed. Good luck. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 606741, member: 35"] How was his behavior when you stayed at your Mom's? How is his behavior when he visits with his Dad and family? How is he doing at the school? Most difficult children adapt different patterns depending on where they are located. I am curious. I know that you have struggled for years in your attempts to provide a consistent home environment & schedule. It is extremely difficult to rewire patterns in order to provide the calm consistent daily life that most difficult children require. You and J have spent many years alone and although I have no doubt that he recognizes the depth of your devotion I do strongly advise that you refrain from sharing labels and analysis with him. in my humble opinion he does not need to identify himself by his labeled behaviors. Im my experience (and, of course, each of us is different and all of us imperfect!) it is time to teach him to recognize when HE needs to withdraw from situations that may lead to confrontation. Recognizing when he is triggering negative responses may empower him to take breaks as needed so he can chill. Most kids and adults have times when they "sense" that a change of pace or location is needed. He has many positive attributes that can build appropriate self esteem. Many of our children have not been so blessed. Good luck. DDD [/QUOTE]
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