Facebook friend question - is this weird?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Aug 3, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    My sister in law (who really deserves her own space in the broom closet) has contacted my brother on facebook and wants to be buddies and chat.
    They live 2 states apart and have never met.
    My brother emailed me concerned about who in the world this person even was and if I even knew them. He just knew she and I had the same last name...but didn't have a clue who she was
    He also happens to live in the same area that her ex is from, which is why she regularly goes thru my friend list (she knows I keep in contact with her ex...) She may not even realize he's my brother - I'm not sure.
    Is that weird, or just me?
  2. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Yeah, that's weird. Facebook isn't really for meeting people you don't know, at least not in my experience. MySpace was kinda like that, but I don't have any FB friends I don't know personally, and I wouldn't add someone randomly like that. I've also never been "requested" by a stranger, either. I'd tell him to ignore her request and let it go at that.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I second Eeky. Ewww. Something's rotten in Denmark...
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    He could always just ignore her. I bet she won't say a thing to you about it.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont know. I have had people request to add me as friends that I dont know. I had a guy who had my same last name request to add me...lol. I did deny him but only because he was 20 years younger than me and in Puerto Rico. Also my last name is my married name. Not my maiden name. I figured he was looking for his real family so I sent him a message back saying the above and politely denied him.
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I would never put someone on as a 'friend' that I didn't know (or at least feel like I did :D). I have a few people on there who I hadn't seen since high school and I had forgotten they even existed, even a few that I didn't really know very well in school. But it's still nice to be in touch with them and these people have connections to other people we went to school with. The only ones I ever "Ignored' were a few from the dog-related board I go on all the time. There's a couple thousand members, several hundred of them active members. They have a page on Facebook. Several I 'know' better than the others. But I got several friend requests from members I didn't even know at all - just their names - they probably sent them to everybody. The only thing I have in common with them is having the same breed of dog. These I just politely ignored.

    But I gotta tell you this one ... one day I was super bored and was searching out names, and Lord only knows why I did it but I came up with my first husband! :sick: We were married for seven disasterous years and I haven't seen him (nor wanted to!) in 32 years! I'm getting to the good part ... the picture he has on there was taken FORTY years ago - a picture that I took - of him sitting on a motorcycle lookin' like a rock star! OMG! Who would do that! He's probably old, fat and bald by now! Does he think that people will believe he's still in his twenties? I toyed with the idea for weeks and then a few days ago I finally did it - I sent him a message (NOT a friend request) saying that I believe that's the first time I ever saw anyone use a 40 year old photo on Facebook and how that was really pathetic! I don't really expect or want a reply, but it sure was fun to do it!
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yeah, that's weird. Sounds like something my sister in law#3 would do.

    Speaking of weird... I set up a phony FB account because I wanted to see what it was all about but didn't necessarily want people to find me. And I started searching names of old HS friends... OMG! I got totally drawn into jumping from this person who still knows this person and that person who is friends with that person... It was not long before a few hours had gone by and I felt like I'd just gone to a bunch of reunions anonymously! It was SO WEIRD to see people I haven't seen in nearly 30 years!!!

    Oh, and I also found one of my ex boyfriend's... the guy I dated for four years during part of college and afterwards. Thought he was THE ONE -- just didn't work out. Anyway, boy does he look different from what I expected! :D

    I still don't know if I feel like joining. I mean, if I haven't kept in touch with any of these people after all these years, do I really have the time to rekindle a friendship with them now that I'm in the thick of raising my difficult child's and easy child? I can barely keep up with the local friends I do have, not to mention the board!
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    gvcmom, that's what I did! It started off with one friend from school that I was back in touch with because she moved fairly close to me. The first few weeks old classmates seemed to just come out of the woodwork! It was like a huge online reunion! We all kept checking each others friend list to see of someone new was on there that we didn't already have. I lost track of them all after high school and for me that's a loooong time! There's several couples that were dating in high school who got married and have been togther 45 years!

    It will also suggest friends for you too, people you might know. If you put what school you went to and what years, it will come up with other people who said the same thing and give you a link to their page. I've actually had quite a bit of fun with it.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm relatively new to Facebook, but I really enjoy it. I've "found" people who were good friends that I'd just lost touch with, and it's been fun catching up. Hubby has gotten friend requests from "random blondes" who pose with their hands covering their...well, you know...and just ignores those. He's had several people (strangers) ask us if we have this or that person as a family member...we had no idea our last name was THAT popular.

    Among my Facebook friends are my first husband, my former pastor, and Miss KT's sorta stepmom, besides my sis-in-law, niece, and other in real life friends. I'd be nervous if someone contacted my brother out of the blue wanting to be friends, Shari. My vote is for weird.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm new to Facebook, too. Like the others here, once I started, a bunch of people literally came out of the woodwork.
    I deliberately ignored a few (one of difficult child's teachers I'm not particularly fond of) and don't have a clue as to who some of the others are.

    on the other hand, I know that some people "collect" Facebook "Friends" like baseball cards. They have thousands of contacts.

    I can't even keep up with-this board, so I'm not one of them, LOL!

    I'd tell him just to ignore it.
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We've avoided FB & MySpace because I've had my turn at being over-exposed and getting flamed.

    However, I am on "Friends Reunited" and through them have attended reunions and also made contact with old schoolfriends. In one case it was very cathartic - we had a very abusive headmaster and in communicating with one another, I got a very different perspective on a couple of incidents. I think I gave some as well, because I remembered a severe injustice with one boy (man, now, obviously) and he hadn't realised that anyone else had even noticed how badly it had hurt him.

    So if you're interested in finding out more about old classmates or past contacts from anywhere, check out Friends Reunited. An alternative.

    easy child is on FaceBook and uses it to stay in touch with old friends from school as well as from places where they've lived or worked. An old classmate of hers now works at the clinic where difficult child 3 goes. I went in with difficult child 3 to his appointments with photos on my iPod and he said, "I've already seen them - easy child has them up on her friends page; I was on there last night reading her updates."

    ON the other side - daughter in law is a bit concerned at photos of her wedding being on easy child's site; she's concerned about not having any say in photos of her being publicly posted. I think easy child has limited access, but it is something to consider when posting any photos.

    WHich brings us to the question here - when you choose your friends online, you have certain expectations of them. In order to be sure of these expectations, you need to know them in some way. For someone to contact you out of the blue and say, "I want you to list me as a friend," is a worry and the request in itself should make you very wary; if they see nothing wrong in approaching you like this, then how much care will that person take in other aspects of their online usage? What if they use the 'friends' status to access parts of your page that are otherwise private, and then post them in broadcast fashion? You just don't know.

    Sometimes you can meet someone and instantly click. But that is rare and again, you make your choices according to your own instincts. For anyone to expect you to flag you as a friend without having EARNED it - it's putting the person in a difficult position. To say no risks being rude (and nobody likes to think of themselves as being snobbish or rude). To say yes devalues what friendship means.

    perhaps the best way out is to say, "I am flattered at your request but I limit Friends status to people I have met in person and who have been a significant part of my life in person at some stage."

    ATV network in Sydney dicsussed (panel discussion) the case of a woman whose boss asked to be included as a Friend on MySpace. What should she do? If she says no, how will it impact her job? If she says yes, will she ever feel free to privately snipe about her job online? The outcome of the discussion - it was an unfair inappropriate request.

    As it is in this case.

    At least here, she can't take it out on your brother professionally if he refuses!

  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I found my therapist on Facebook. I could actually view her friends without being able to view her page or her wall. As I viewed her friends it occurred to me that I really shouldnt be doing this and that adding her as a friend really would cross boundaries I didnt want crossed. Number one, I would see everything she did and everything her friends said to her AND she would see the same with me. I dont think I want that much intrusion in each others lives. If we want to do a facebook just for keeping up with some sort of therapy group, well then we need a seperate page.
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I told bro that she was "different", and since he and I are as different as night and day, I didn't want to tell him to ignore her, but I suggested he "proceed with caution". As of this morning, he hadn't added her as a friend, so I doubt he's going to.

    I enjoy facebook but I don't live on it. I joined because difficult child 1 wanted to keep up with the goings-on at home, but sister in law put a bit of a damper on that, since I have to really edit what I put there so I don't mention spending time with her ex or their family or any photos that may include his kids, etc. I don't post many photos, anyway, but its a pain to have to watch what you say.

    Like you guys said, tho, people came out of the woodwork! I do try to catch difficult child on there to chat, and I try to update my status each day with something humerous, or with a thumbs up or a thumbs down for difficult child 2's school day for the group that follow his progress.

    I assumed when I became an adult that all adults would act like adults. I have since learned there's a heck of a lot of them that are just plain infantile! sister in law and her ex have been divorced for several years. They have no children together...let it go already!
  14. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Facebook can be alot of fun. I really enjoy it. But I'm glad your brother didn't add your sister in law. Facebook or Myspace etc can do funny things to people. I mean, if I wouldn't look up a telephone number and address to find someone I have lost track of, and call them out of the blue and try to rekindle a friendship, why on earth would I add them to a social network that contains information about my life, pics of myself and my children etc??

    I've had friends requests from :

    - my brothers ex, the mother of one of his children. They broke up bitterly and her and I always got along for my brothers sake but have nothing in common and truly, she always knew I didn't like her.

    - my one and only important ex. Someone I was with for years, left my country with difficult child to marry. Went through all the lawyers, immigration etc and 3 days before our "wedding", I was on a plane back to Canada with difficult child. He WAS important. But that was 15 years ago. He emailed my hotmail address over the years, about once a year up till now. I have never responded, so why would I accept a friend request??

    The list goes on. I have ignored more requests than I have ever accepted. Tis a weird place, the online world!
  15. maril

    maril New Member

    Oh, so, maybe that is why I have received friend requests on FB from people I barely know or don't know at all.
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2009
  16. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I have less than no interest in having a FB account. Once I am done with something, I am done. HS and college are over; I keep in contact with nobody from either phase of my life. I have very little sentimental emotion other than for my kids and I don't need to communicate with them on FB - although I am going to have to figure out how to stay in contact with daughter when she leaves for college.

    H has a FB account. After a huge fight about it, I went through his site and deleted all pictures of myself from it as I had not given him permission to post them. He told me I was a pooper but hasn't put them back up. I HATE that people you don't really know or care about can read about you. In terms of myself, H is limited to listing his status as married and saying I am fine if anyone asks, even people I know. If they actually cared how I was, they could call me and ask. I fight with him constantly over what he posts about our children - too much information on their lives.

    My oldest friend of over 30 years called to beg me to be on FB and I said no, not even for her would I do it.

    I do check H's friend list every so often but only because he's got a history of cheating. Other than that, I have no interest in his musings about college life 30+ years ago.

    And Donna - my H's profile picture is of himself on a motorcycle in the '70's. I call it false advertising because he is now fat and out of shape, although he really still has a nice head of hair for his age.
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    My ex'es profile photo for all of his online accounts is our wedding photo cropped....
  18. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Shari, that sounds really spooky... but another way to look at it is, he considers that he looked at his best the day he married you! And he's not ever looked as good since.

    So maybe that's saying something nice about you and your influence on him.

    Then again - he could just be a lazy, sick b.

  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Considering he's at least 150 pounds heavier and completely bald now...you could be right.

    Or he could be just that lazy.

    But its still creepy to see his obvious wedding photo as his profile picture for a guy looking for love...ick.