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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 196182" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>"Just say no. I promise she'll get over it. "</p><p></p><p>When it comes to vampire teeth or anything small, like jewellery - they are tiny, they fit inside a pocket or a wallet. If you ban them, if you ban ANYTHING, you risk it going underground. </p><p></p><p>The best way for a ban to stick, is for the ban to come from the individual personally. Disapproval doesn't work - with easy child 2/difficult child 2, it often only goads her to annoy you with it more. For example, my best friend REALLY dislikes easy child 2/difficult child 2's vampire teeth and has told her so emphatically. She has also told her own (much older) daughter, who also tried the same lines on easy child 2/difficult child 2 when they met at "Rocky Horror Show" last month - "Honestly, easy child 2/difficult child 2, I can't take you seriously while you're wearing those stupid vampire teeth." Trouble was, Rocky was exactly the right place to wear them, and until she mentioned them, nobody else had even noticed! (oh dear)</p><p></p><p>You see - for easy child 2/difficult child 2, the vampire teeth are NOT to impress other people, she wears them entirely for her own personal reasons. She leaves work (where she dresses much more like some Swiss Alpine dairy maid, in white lace, black skirt, large apron and cute little cap perched on her intricate auburn braids) and goes to the changeroom, emerging like something from "Vampyra". The teeth are in her purse and as she gets into her car, out come the teeth and into her mouth. She drives the car, wearing her teeth. She's even been pulled over by the police and random-breath-tested, still wearing the teeth. The cop didn't notice. She didn't show him.</p><p></p><p>Given a choice between the vampire teeth that are entire plastic dentures (the ones that make you salivate like a St Bernard when you wear them) and these tiny little things not much bigger than a thumbtack, I know which I prefer.</p><p></p><p>Of course I'd prefer none, but my girl is an adult (even if she doesn't dress like one).</p><p></p><p>I do wonder if she's going to reconsider getting into that fashion design course... her aim at the moment is to be a teacher. I think she's going to be a very interesting one...</p><p></p><p>Maybe I erred on the side of permissiveness with our kids, but I had already seen what happens when you say to a kid, "I forbid you to do this!"</p><p></p><p>What has happened with us - our kids (especially the girls) have made their own choices but because I didn't forbid (although I DID advise) they have felt free to come and talk to me about it. Any mistakes they have made, they have had to take full responsibility for, because THEY made the choices and not me.</p><p></p><p>I look back now, finally understanding why my parents made the apparently ridiculously strict rules in my life - and feeling very sad, for all the wasted opportunities, all because of their fears. I stayed safe, not because they were overprotective, but because I was lucky. I had a few close calls, mostly because they were so overprotective that I had no chance to learn how to keep myself safe.</p><p></p><p>I'm not always happy with the choices my girls have made. They know how I feel, but they also know I won't forbid. I'll probably do something worse - discuss it with them, the pros and cons.</p><p></p><p>What's the right thing? I don't know. All I know is what I have chosen to do. Whatever you choose - own it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 196182, member: 1991"] "Just say no. I promise she'll get over it. " When it comes to vampire teeth or anything small, like jewellery - they are tiny, they fit inside a pocket or a wallet. If you ban them, if you ban ANYTHING, you risk it going underground. The best way for a ban to stick, is for the ban to come from the individual personally. Disapproval doesn't work - with easy child 2/difficult child 2, it often only goads her to annoy you with it more. For example, my best friend REALLY dislikes easy child 2/difficult child 2's vampire teeth and has told her so emphatically. She has also told her own (much older) daughter, who also tried the same lines on easy child 2/difficult child 2 when they met at "Rocky Horror Show" last month - "Honestly, easy child 2/difficult child 2, I can't take you seriously while you're wearing those stupid vampire teeth." Trouble was, Rocky was exactly the right place to wear them, and until she mentioned them, nobody else had even noticed! (oh dear) You see - for easy child 2/difficult child 2, the vampire teeth are NOT to impress other people, she wears them entirely for her own personal reasons. She leaves work (where she dresses much more like some Swiss Alpine dairy maid, in white lace, black skirt, large apron and cute little cap perched on her intricate auburn braids) and goes to the changeroom, emerging like something from "Vampyra". The teeth are in her purse and as she gets into her car, out come the teeth and into her mouth. She drives the car, wearing her teeth. She's even been pulled over by the police and random-breath-tested, still wearing the teeth. The cop didn't notice. She didn't show him. Given a choice between the vampire teeth that are entire plastic dentures (the ones that make you salivate like a St Bernard when you wear them) and these tiny little things not much bigger than a thumbtack, I know which I prefer. Of course I'd prefer none, but my girl is an adult (even if she doesn't dress like one). I do wonder if she's going to reconsider getting into that fashion design course... her aim at the moment is to be a teacher. I think she's going to be a very interesting one... Maybe I erred on the side of permissiveness with our kids, but I had already seen what happens when you say to a kid, "I forbid you to do this!" What has happened with us - our kids (especially the girls) have made their own choices but because I didn't forbid (although I DID advise) they have felt free to come and talk to me about it. Any mistakes they have made, they have had to take full responsibility for, because THEY made the choices and not me. I look back now, finally understanding why my parents made the apparently ridiculously strict rules in my life - and feeling very sad, for all the wasted opportunities, all because of their fears. I stayed safe, not because they were overprotective, but because I was lucky. I had a few close calls, mostly because they were so overprotective that I had no chance to learn how to keep myself safe. I'm not always happy with the choices my girls have made. They know how I feel, but they also know I won't forbid. I'll probably do something worse - discuss it with them, the pros and cons. What's the right thing? I don't know. All I know is what I have chosen to do. Whatever you choose - own it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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