This morning I was reading a devotion by Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest who gets very specific about faith and life and struggle. He has helped me a lot on my journey of recovering from enabling. Here is what he said that struck me today: We don't think ourselves into a new way of living; we live ourselves into a new way of thinking. Lifestyle choices and changes finally convert people. I think the reason this idea has been profound for me is that I used to think that I had to "understand," "Know," "figure it out." I spent a lot of time studying addiction and alcoholism and trying to get my mind around it. Another method of trying to control the uncontrollable. Finally, when THAT didn't work either...along with trying to yell, scream, cry, reason with, measure out consequences, enable, fix, manage, stay one step ahead of, control, write contracts, snoop, search his room and his car, talk to, worry, talk about, agonize over....should I go on?... I started listening to other people who had been there before me. I didn't get it, still, for a long, long, long time, and my judgmental mind would find fault with what they said: well, that situation is different from mine, my son didn't do THAT drug, blah blah blah. My mind tried to discredit what I was hearing, but little by little, some rays of light started to seep through. I began spending time every single day in recovery literature and recovery meetings with Al-Anon. I bought all of the books. I got a sponsor. I did what she told me to do. I went to several meetings a week, and during really bad times, I went to a meeting every single day. I started writing a gratitude list (what, grateful? That seemed 100 percent counterintuitive at first, but I forced myself to do it anyway). Little by little I started to feel better. Even though my son was either in jail or homeless (revolving door) or getting arrested again. And at first, as I started to feel better, then I felt worse. I felt guilty. How could I be feeling better when his life was worse? Slowly, very slowly, I started to see things differently. But it was first my immersion in another way...a completely different way than what I had tried for years and years...the experience itself was my first teacher. I had to go and do something different first, even if it didn't make sense to me. Because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was sick of feeling desperate, exhausted and terrified. That was taking over my life, and NOTHING WAS CHANGING. I couldn't do one thing to save my own son. I was face to face with my own powerlessness for almost the very first time in my life. It was a powerlessness that never seemed to let up or end. Finally, I had to make friends with it. I had to look it in the full face, and claim it, and accept it. That was a very very good day for me, looking back, but it was also a very hard day. So I believe what Richard Rohr is saying here, is a paraphrase of something we say here frequently on this forum: Nothing changes if nothing changes. We can't make another person change. We don't have that power. So we have to change ourselves. And that is the pathway to peace. Warm hugs to each of you today, you Warriors.