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Falling off the rational thinking wagon...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 484370" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Dash - </p><p></p><p>My heart has gotten so hardened over the years sometimes I find it hard to relate to memories like these mostly because I had so so few - but when I read about ones like this written so heartfelt and beautifully? It strikes close to home. Add to that signorinas post of pictures of which i have so few and I think to myself - We're all so very lucky to have what we do have or did have and those are not necessarily bad memories to keep in the hope-chest of our minds locked away for the whenevers like you had. I don't know if I consider them fleeting moments or renewed dreams of hope. </p><p></p><p>In my world with my sons I constantly found myself renewing my idea of what I thought would occur in their lives - at first it was lowered expectations and then it became a complete revamping of my entire scheme of dreams. After that it became a reality slap of facts that MY dreams were not their dreams and upon the deaths of two of them I've often said letting those dreams go at times was often easier than watching Dude not fulfill or meet my expectations yet again. I know, I know the most basic of wishes - get an educaiton, a job, be happy, be sober and when those aren't met we somehow seem to take on the responsibilities of those not met fulfillments by our children as OUR mistakes, or somehow make them OUR guilt by proxy. I had to be reminded time and time again in therapy that I am not now and never was able to live two lives at once AND at any time my son could look at his own life, be disgusted by it - and make changes no matter WHAT his past was. Nothing is ever hopeless - nothing. It may appear that way, it may seem that way, we may want to give up, we may get to a place in our lives where we feel we can't go on like most difficult child attitudes and we can certainly allow things like depression, illness and forces to take over and win - but...I'll remind you like I remind my son all the time "You have a higher power, you have a Mother that loves you - and right there that gives you TWO beings in your life - so you can't say I'm ALL alone." As for yourself? You have the support of this board and even though we can't reach out to you across a table every day - WE ARE HERE - </p><p></p><p>WE may not always see eye to eye, or understand each other perfectly, and like any family full of sisters - there will be need time to time for adjustments and thinking - but we're here for you. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps (in my opinion) that picture was meant to be found. Perhaps the story that you wrote US? Was (because you are such a gifted writer) made to be copied, and written with a letter of your own feelings of that day and handed to your daughter......Not so much of what WAS ------But what IS STILL. A gentle Mothers reminder occasionally - or in our case in our house - a boot firmly planted. I can't see where it would cause her anything but food for thought...just as much as it did you. She is after all your daughter. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 484370, member: 4964"] Dash - My heart has gotten so hardened over the years sometimes I find it hard to relate to memories like these mostly because I had so so few - but when I read about ones like this written so heartfelt and beautifully? It strikes close to home. Add to that signorinas post of pictures of which i have so few and I think to myself - We're all so very lucky to have what we do have or did have and those are not necessarily bad memories to keep in the hope-chest of our minds locked away for the whenevers like you had. I don't know if I consider them fleeting moments or renewed dreams of hope. In my world with my sons I constantly found myself renewing my idea of what I thought would occur in their lives - at first it was lowered expectations and then it became a complete revamping of my entire scheme of dreams. After that it became a reality slap of facts that MY dreams were not their dreams and upon the deaths of two of them I've often said letting those dreams go at times was often easier than watching Dude not fulfill or meet my expectations yet again. I know, I know the most basic of wishes - get an educaiton, a job, be happy, be sober and when those aren't met we somehow seem to take on the responsibilities of those not met fulfillments by our children as OUR mistakes, or somehow make them OUR guilt by proxy. I had to be reminded time and time again in therapy that I am not now and never was able to live two lives at once AND at any time my son could look at his own life, be disgusted by it - and make changes no matter WHAT his past was. Nothing is ever hopeless - nothing. It may appear that way, it may seem that way, we may want to give up, we may get to a place in our lives where we feel we can't go on like most difficult child attitudes and we can certainly allow things like depression, illness and forces to take over and win - but...I'll remind you like I remind my son all the time "You have a higher power, you have a Mother that loves you - and right there that gives you TWO beings in your life - so you can't say I'm ALL alone." As for yourself? You have the support of this board and even though we can't reach out to you across a table every day - WE ARE HERE - WE may not always see eye to eye, or understand each other perfectly, and like any family full of sisters - there will be need time to time for adjustments and thinking - but we're here for you. Perhaps (in my opinion) that picture was meant to be found. Perhaps the story that you wrote US? Was (because you are such a gifted writer) made to be copied, and written with a letter of your own feelings of that day and handed to your daughter......Not so much of what WAS ------But what IS STILL. A gentle Mothers reminder occasionally - or in our case in our house - a boot firmly planted. I can't see where it would cause her anything but food for thought...just as much as it did you. She is after all your daughter. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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Falling off the rational thinking wagon...
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