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Family member triggering childs meltdown
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<blockquote data-quote="HopingForTheBest" data-source="post: 725043" data-attributes="member: 22586"><p>Living with your parents is a stressful situation on its own, and the dynamics you have right now are adding to it.</p><p></p><p>It's probably unrealistic to think you can move out this weekend, so you'll need to find a way to deal with the current situation until you can get out (I'm sure you're already on the fast track to figuring out how to leave in a hurry). </p><p></p><p>Neither your father, or obviously your daughter, will behave like the adult here; so you'll have to be the adult for them. Try to take emotion out of the discussion, and focus on solutions to the immediate problem being raised. In the example you mentioned, would your daughter object to splitting her drink with her brother if you poured some into a cup for him?</p><p></p><p>I'm guessing that your dad is a baby boomer who was raised by parents affected by the Depression (or perhaps he was himself). Money scarcity is built in to him, and as a result anything that "goes to waste" is a trigger for him. My mother moved in with me after my stepdad died, and she was literally angry with me over taking out trash in a half-empty trash bag (I paid maybe $.13 for that trash bag). She fusses that we won't eat her expired mayonnaise (you know those expiration dates are a scheme by the food companies to get us to buy more when we don't really need it). Seriously. We've just agreed to disagree, and she feeds our expired eggs to her dog while bad-mouthing us under her breath. </p><p></p><p>So keeping your dad's triggers in mind, take inventory of the situation he's seeing: is it legitimate? Can you address that single issue differently in a way that prevents meltdowns on either side? Maybe let the kids drink Kool-Aid that they pour in a cup with their names on it? If he's insisting that you eat his rancid vegetables, politely decline ("ooh, you know, I'm not sure about that goo seeping out of that tomato... I'll just make myself a PB&J... I'm not really all that hungry" - and then make a mental note that you need to pick up some fresh tomatoes and discreetly toss the old)</p><p></p><p>Please understand I'm not saying your dad is right, I'm saying he has triggers too that he probably doesn't even realize. And perhaps he'll be less apt to trigger your daughter if he himself isn't getting triggered by the goofy things you never considered could be an issue.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HopingForTheBest, post: 725043, member: 22586"] Living with your parents is a stressful situation on its own, and the dynamics you have right now are adding to it. It's probably unrealistic to think you can move out this weekend, so you'll need to find a way to deal with the current situation until you can get out (I'm sure you're already on the fast track to figuring out how to leave in a hurry). Neither your father, or obviously your daughter, will behave like the adult here; so you'll have to be the adult for them. Try to take emotion out of the discussion, and focus on solutions to the immediate problem being raised. In the example you mentioned, would your daughter object to splitting her drink with her brother if you poured some into a cup for him? I'm guessing that your dad is a baby boomer who was raised by parents affected by the Depression (or perhaps he was himself). Money scarcity is built in to him, and as a result anything that "goes to waste" is a trigger for him. My mother moved in with me after my stepdad died, and she was literally angry with me over taking out trash in a half-empty trash bag (I paid maybe $.13 for that trash bag). She fusses that we won't eat her expired mayonnaise (you know those expiration dates are a scheme by the food companies to get us to buy more when we don't really need it). Seriously. We've just agreed to disagree, and she feeds our expired eggs to her dog while bad-mouthing us under her breath. So keeping your dad's triggers in mind, take inventory of the situation he's seeing: is it legitimate? Can you address that single issue differently in a way that prevents meltdowns on either side? Maybe let the kids drink Kool-Aid that they pour in a cup with their names on it? If he's insisting that you eat his rancid vegetables, politely decline ("ooh, you know, I'm not sure about that goo seeping out of that tomato... I'll just make myself a PB&J... I'm not really all that hungry" - and then make a mental note that you need to pick up some fresh tomatoes and discreetly toss the old) Please understand I'm not saying your dad is right, I'm saying he has triggers too that he probably doesn't even realize. And perhaps he'll be less apt to trigger your daughter if he himself isn't getting triggered by the goofy things you never considered could be an issue. [/QUOTE]
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