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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 662774" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think it's because they broke and hurt us until we believed about ourselves the things they needed to believe about us so they could hurt us without feeling like a**holes. Their first betrayal of us was the one in their hearts. It was only after they compromised whatever values they held that they were able to hate with impunity.</p><p></p><p>And they did hate. </p><p></p><p>We were dehumanized. We were brainwashed little babies, beat and brainwashed little boys and girls. That is what our abusers spent their time doing to us when they should have been watching us grow and teaching and loving us and making us strong.</p><p></p><p>Each of us is so gifted.</p><p></p><p><em>What might we have accomplished?</em></p><p></p><p>If our abusers could have kept us in thrall to them for all of their tiny lives, they would have. I know this is so because my mother drew her arm back as though she were going to hit me when I was visiting her with two of my granddaughters.</p><p></p><p>And then she laughed.</p><p></p><p>I have posted about that, before.</p><p></p><p>She looks a little different now, without a jaw and with her nose turned into a Bozo nose.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, SWOT.</p><p></p><p>What she believed about me is what I then came to believe about myself: Fraudulent; that I will be found out, or that I will prove to be some kind of awful, untrustworthy stupidly swollen and ugly thing. That is the truth my own mother was determined to beat and break into the children she was fortunate to have birthed. </p><p></p><p>There are people who would do just about anything to have a baby, to raise a child.</p><p></p><p>Look what our mothers did with that incredible gift that we, each of us, were.</p><p></p><p>That is how weak and stupid abusive persons are: They see no value in anything ~ not their husbands or their friends or even their own babies or children or pets ~ except in how they will serve the abuser's greedy, endless, stupidly destructive power-over mentality.</p><p></p><p>I think we need to approach clearing this material in three ways.</p><p></p><p>1) Write each of the following phrases twelve times. This is from Joel Osteen, I think. It is meant to address the ego, superego and id. I have done this. You will be amazed how well it counters negative tapes you are unaware of.</p><p></p><p>Twelve times each.</p><p></p><p>No cheating.</p><p></p><p>I, write your full name, am the beloved daughter of the most high God.</p><p></p><p>She, give your full name, is the beloved daughter of the most high God.</p><p></p><p>You, give your full name, are the beloved daughter of the most high God.</p><p></p><p>2) Positive affirmation; things that are true. Catching ourselves especially when we have told ourselves we are something less than we know we are and replacing old negative automatic abuses. Whether you believe it or not, whether it feels accurate or like a lie, say one true thing to correct the tape.</p><p></p><p>This will turn out to be quite hard, actually. The "Who do you think you are." negatives will come roaring out of nowhere.</p><p></p><p>Do it, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Remember my story about "That'll do, pig."</p><p></p><p>That's what's under there, courtesy of our abusers. <em>Don't let them win.</em></p><p></p><p>3) Music relative to your decision to fight and to change. For me, that was theme songs from Rocky. (Getting Strong Now; Eye of the Tiger.) It was clips from the Wizard of Oz. It was Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer. It was Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Women Who Run With the Wolves) and her envisionment of the old, old woman who could, patiently and with intent, sing the bones alive.</p><p></p><p>It was poetry. </p><p></p><p><em>Seboulissa, mother goddess with one breast</em></p><p><em>eaten away by worms of sorrow and loss....</em></p><p></p><p><em>See me, now.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Your severed daughter, laughing our name into echo</em></p><p><em>all the world shall remember</em></p><p></p><p>Charlene Spretnak edited The Politics of Women's Spirituality. That is where I found that poem. Monique Wittig, I think.</p><p></p><p>Maria Harris' Dance of the Spirit.</p><p></p><p>I will post some other things for us, tomorrow.</p><p></p><p>Happy Hour, here.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>One more thing. Resolve to be kinder to yourself. Not kind. That is too much pressure. Only kinder.</p><p></p><p>It will have amazing results.</p><p></p><p>Have a good night, everyone.</p><p></p><p>Which are the stories or music or poetry that have worked for you?</p><p></p><p>Please post them here for us, okay?</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 662774, member: 17461"] I think it's because they broke and hurt us until we believed about ourselves the things they needed to believe about us so they could hurt us without feeling like a**holes. Their first betrayal of us was the one in their hearts. It was only after they compromised whatever values they held that they were able to hate with impunity. And they did hate. We were dehumanized. We were brainwashed little babies, beat and brainwashed little boys and girls. That is what our abusers spent their time doing to us when they should have been watching us grow and teaching and loving us and making us strong. Each of us is so gifted. [I]What might we have accomplished?[/I] If our abusers could have kept us in thrall to them for all of their tiny lives, they would have. I know this is so because my mother drew her arm back as though she were going to hit me when I was visiting her with two of my granddaughters. And then she laughed. I have posted about that, before. She looks a little different now, without a jaw and with her nose turned into a Bozo nose. Thank you, SWOT. What she believed about me is what I then came to believe about myself: Fraudulent; that I will be found out, or that I will prove to be some kind of awful, untrustworthy stupidly swollen and ugly thing. That is the truth my own mother was determined to beat and break into the children she was fortunate to have birthed. There are people who would do just about anything to have a baby, to raise a child. Look what our mothers did with that incredible gift that we, each of us, were. That is how weak and stupid abusive persons are: They see no value in anything ~ not their husbands or their friends or even their own babies or children or pets ~ except in how they will serve the abuser's greedy, endless, stupidly destructive power-over mentality. I think we need to approach clearing this material in three ways. 1) Write each of the following phrases twelve times. This is from Joel Osteen, I think. It is meant to address the ego, superego and id. I have done this. You will be amazed how well it counters negative tapes you are unaware of. Twelve times each. No cheating. I, write your full name, am the beloved daughter of the most high God. She, give your full name, is the beloved daughter of the most high God. You, give your full name, are the beloved daughter of the most high God. 2) Positive affirmation; things that are true. Catching ourselves especially when we have told ourselves we are something less than we know we are and replacing old negative automatic abuses. Whether you believe it or not, whether it feels accurate or like a lie, say one true thing to correct the tape. This will turn out to be quite hard, actually. The "Who do you think you are." negatives will come roaring out of nowhere. Do it, anyway. Remember my story about "That'll do, pig." That's what's under there, courtesy of our abusers. [I]Don't let them win.[/I] 3) Music relative to your decision to fight and to change. For me, that was theme songs from Rocky. (Getting Strong Now; Eye of the Tiger.) It was clips from the Wizard of Oz. It was Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer. It was Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Women Who Run With the Wolves) and her envisionment of the old, old woman who could, patiently and with intent, sing the bones alive. It was poetry. [I]Seboulissa, mother goddess with one breast eaten away by worms of sorrow and loss....[/I] [I]See me, now.[/I] [I]Your severed daughter, laughing our name into echo all the world shall remember[/I] Charlene Spretnak edited The Politics of Women's Spirituality. That is where I found that poem. Monique Wittig, I think. Maria Harris' Dance of the Spirit. I will post some other things for us, tomorrow. Happy Hour, here. :O) Cedar One more thing. Resolve to be kinder to yourself. Not kind. That is too much pressure. Only kinder. It will have amazing results. Have a good night, everyone. Which are the stories or music or poetry that have worked for you? Please post them here for us, okay? Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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