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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663030" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not think that inside of their minds it feels like hate....I asked my son, in the cafe on Friday, why did you yell at me across the restaurant and not approach the table to speak to me?</p><p></p><p>He replied that he hates himself so much that he cannot be close to me.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, you wrote something like that, that my son hates me the most because I love and accept him, and if everybody else were to turn away, I would still be there. In his mind that stigmatizes me. I am the club that accepts him as a member and he would never want to join.</p><p></p><p>Which is another way of saying that familiarity breeds contempt.</p><p></p><p>Let us look at your family for a minute. Let's say you played my role. The love machine. Taken for granted. The last resort. What would Cedar do?</p><p></p><p>And then you are not. With your husband you gain backbone and structure, and worst of all stuff they want and cannot have without your consent. You can say yes or no. Now.</p><p></p><p>Whaaat? How dare she? Does she not know who she is? Her essential nature? The travesty.</p><p></p><p>They are not feeling hate, I think. At least initially. I think they feel pain, and they blame you for it. Then when the pain does not stop they feel rage, because they feel themselves to be your victim. Because you hurt them.</p><p></p><p>You have become the abuser, because you are not giving them what they seek from you to which they feel entitled. You caused them pain. You deliberately inflicted it. You changed. Their ill feelings, to them, are justified. A natural consequence of your acts towards them. Or the opposite. What we did not do and should have. And it is only then that they may feel hate. Like my sister hates me. She hates me because of what I did to her or did not do. Even if it was only protecting myself or mother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663030, member: 18958"] I do not think that inside of their minds it feels like hate....I asked my son, in the cafe on Friday, why did you yell at me across the restaurant and not approach the table to speak to me? He replied that he hates himself so much that he cannot be close to me. Cedar, you wrote something like that, that my son hates me the most because I love and accept him, and if everybody else were to turn away, I would still be there. In his mind that stigmatizes me. I am the club that accepts him as a member and he would never want to join. Which is another way of saying that familiarity breeds contempt. Let us look at your family for a minute. Let's say you played my role. The love machine. Taken for granted. The last resort. What would Cedar do? And then you are not. With your husband you gain backbone and structure, and worst of all stuff they want and cannot have without your consent. You can say yes or no. Now. Whaaat? How dare she? Does she not know who she is? Her essential nature? The travesty. They are not feeling hate, I think. At least initially. I think they feel pain, and they blame you for it. Then when the pain does not stop they feel rage, because they feel themselves to be your victim. Because you hurt them. You have become the abuser, because you are not giving them what they seek from you to which they feel entitled. You caused them pain. You deliberately inflicted it. You changed. Their ill feelings, to them, are justified. A natural consequence of your acts towards them. Or the opposite. What we did not do and should have. And it is only then that they may feel hate. Like my sister hates me. She hates me because of what I did to her or did not do. Even if it was only protecting myself or mother. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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