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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663123" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>But there are other good things that you do have. You have an integrity in your relationship with D H. You trust him absolutely, and he you. You know at the deepest level who you are and of what you are capable. You know your mettle which has been tested over and over again. The bonds of your family are unbreakable (talking or not talking.)</p><p></p><p>Anybody can have a dinner with lovely china. So what?</p><p></p><p>This society teaches us that the things worth having are material and successes which they designate arbitrarily. I would never begrudge the lady what she has. My sister is like that. The most important thing was to have her children on the fast track with other fast track kids. She lived with movie star neighbors. I cannot tell you where, but guess. So what?</p><p></p><p>I guess by never having anybody and nobody, I realized that I had plenty just having myself and my self-respect. That gave me the self-confidence to accept the love and care of M, a man who because of his circumstances most other women would not have considered, especially those of my social class.</p><p></p><p>I think that makes me special, not inferior. At least on my better days I think that.</p><p></p><p>Building upon my sense of an outsider, I chose work where I saw heroes of another sort.</p><p></p><p>There are people in this society who are marked from birth for failure and marginalization.</p><p></p><p>That by the the circumstances of your family you have come to know that pain, bear it and triumph, is the greatest of gifts, looked at from a certain point of view. We are talking about your immortal soul, here, Cedar, if you believe that way. I do. And I am not even religious.</p><p></p><p>The same Cedar that believes that I soared to heights caring for and loving my mother as she died, believes the same about herself. That this is soul work we are doing here.</p><p></p><p>That however wonderful are ballerinas and china, we have chosen the path of no less than Virgin Mary and millions like her. Remember Cedar. Don't cheat. You were blessed with the opportunity of this path....you were saved from ballerinas and dinner parties.</p><p>I do not believe you about the kids.</p><p></p><p>You? What in the world were you supposed to do? There is a heroin epidemic in this country. In of all places Western Massachusetts. I heard about it on Anthony Bourdain's show. He came from a wealthy and influential family in New Jersey. He became a heroin addict and was one for years and years. His mother did not know whether he was better off dead or alive. Things happen to people. Independent of their worthiness and the worthiness of their parents.</p><p></p><p>I believe in destiny. Things happen for a reason. What can we do but embrace our destiny and believe it to be divine and meaningful? Sounds good to me.</p><p></p><p>Do we all go off the cliff?</p><p>That is exactly it. What could you, should you do? Have done?</p><p></p><p>Look at me. I am a highly educated woman. I have been around the block. I mean by that I am practical and street smart. Nobody's fool. You know my profession. Highly experienced and regarded. Years and years of therapy.</p><p></p><p>There was every indication there that my son would have the problems he is having. Still, I was saving for if not Harvard, perhaps Brandeis. (SWOT will kill me here.)</p><p></p><p>What was I thinking???</p><p></p><p>I should have known that my son could not handle his medical care. I should have had all of this in place years ago. My son's life is at stake. We could say it is my fault.</p><p></p><p>I had hope that he could get it together. I saw so many strengths in him. I saw the glass half full, not empty.</p><p></p><p>Do I get the death penalty? Perhaps I should.</p><p></p><p>Do I deserve condemnation? You decide. Do you? NO.</p><p>Where do you want to go with this Cedar? What is this witch hunt really about? Through whose eyes do you see yourself now? Certainly not mine.</p><p></p><p>I really like the idea of parents' political organization to change the system. Maybe there are some of us who will organize.</p><p>But the thing is Cedar, where are they going on those ocean liners with ballerinas in the front? (I do want a replica, however.) Everybody lives real life. None of us can escape it. Your real life and that of our children, and mine, well, it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>There is real love there. There are many, many people who never in their lives experience the giving and receiving of real love. My God, how much must our children know how much we love them, and they, us? How many times has such been tested? And grown deeper and more secure? How much truth and commitment strengthens it, beyond the words and the kisses?</p><p>Yes. And this is what you are trying to help me with. And if it wasn't for your wisdom and good-heartedness and generosity, perhaps I would never have learned it. OK. I am still resisting, but there is movement, at least.</p><p>Yes. And what a wonderful gift is this.</p><p></p><p>I just love that you see me as brave, Cedar. I love being brave. I love every second of being brave, valiant. I love that I have had a meaningful life. A life of learning. I feel that every horrible thing that happens I expand. As if the outlines of my self, keep growing and growing bigger and bigger.</p><p></p><p>I see my life as a triumph. I would never have been who I am know. Without your help, your love, your greatness, your wisdom.</p><p></p><p>Look at who you are Cedar. You will not recognize yourself. You have greatness. You have achieved greatness. Look. Look for greatness. You will see Cedar there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663123, member: 18958"] But there are other good things that you do have. You have an integrity in your relationship with D H. You trust him absolutely, and he you. You know at the deepest level who you are and of what you are capable. You know your mettle which has been tested over and over again. The bonds of your family are unbreakable (talking or not talking.) Anybody can have a dinner with lovely china. So what? This society teaches us that the things worth having are material and successes which they designate arbitrarily. I would never begrudge the lady what she has. My sister is like that. The most important thing was to have her children on the fast track with other fast track kids. She lived with movie star neighbors. I cannot tell you where, but guess. So what? I guess by never having anybody and nobody, I realized that I had plenty just having myself and my self-respect. That gave me the self-confidence to accept the love and care of M, a man who because of his circumstances most other women would not have considered, especially those of my social class. I think that makes me special, not inferior. At least on my better days I think that. Building upon my sense of an outsider, I chose work where I saw heroes of another sort. There are people in this society who are marked from birth for failure and marginalization. That by the the circumstances of your family you have come to know that pain, bear it and triumph, is the greatest of gifts, looked at from a certain point of view. We are talking about your immortal soul, here, Cedar, if you believe that way. I do. And I am not even religious. The same Cedar that believes that I soared to heights caring for and loving my mother as she died, believes the same about herself. That this is soul work we are doing here. That however wonderful are ballerinas and china, we have chosen the path of no less than Virgin Mary and millions like her. Remember Cedar. Don't cheat. You were blessed with the opportunity of this path....you were saved from ballerinas and dinner parties. I do not believe you about the kids. You? What in the world were you supposed to do? There is a heroin epidemic in this country. In of all places Western Massachusetts. I heard about it on Anthony Bourdain's show. He came from a wealthy and influential family in New Jersey. He became a heroin addict and was one for years and years. His mother did not know whether he was better off dead or alive. Things happen to people. Independent of their worthiness and the worthiness of their parents. I believe in destiny. Things happen for a reason. What can we do but embrace our destiny and believe it to be divine and meaningful? Sounds good to me. Do we all go off the cliff? That is exactly it. What could you, should you do? Have done? Look at me. I am a highly educated woman. I have been around the block. I mean by that I am practical and street smart. Nobody's fool. You know my profession. Highly experienced and regarded. Years and years of therapy. There was every indication there that my son would have the problems he is having. Still, I was saving for if not Harvard, perhaps Brandeis. (SWOT will kill me here.) What was I thinking??? I should have known that my son could not handle his medical care. I should have had all of this in place years ago. My son's life is at stake. We could say it is my fault. I had hope that he could get it together. I saw so many strengths in him. I saw the glass half full, not empty. Do I get the death penalty? Perhaps I should. Do I deserve condemnation? You decide. Do you? NO. Where do you want to go with this Cedar? What is this witch hunt really about? Through whose eyes do you see yourself now? Certainly not mine. I really like the idea of parents' political organization to change the system. Maybe there are some of us who will organize. But the thing is Cedar, where are they going on those ocean liners with ballerinas in the front? (I do want a replica, however.) Everybody lives real life. None of us can escape it. Your real life and that of our children, and mine, well, it is what it is. There is real love there. There are many, many people who never in their lives experience the giving and receiving of real love. My God, how much must our children know how much we love them, and they, us? How many times has such been tested? And grown deeper and more secure? How much truth and commitment strengthens it, beyond the words and the kisses? Yes. And this is what you are trying to help me with. And if it wasn't for your wisdom and good-heartedness and generosity, perhaps I would never have learned it. OK. I am still resisting, but there is movement, at least. Yes. And what a wonderful gift is this. I just love that you see me as brave, Cedar. I love being brave. I love every second of being brave, valiant. I love that I have had a meaningful life. A life of learning. I feel that every horrible thing that happens I expand. As if the outlines of my self, keep growing and growing bigger and bigger. I see my life as a triumph. I would never have been who I am know. Without your help, your love, your greatness, your wisdom. Look at who you are Cedar. You will not recognize yourself. You have greatness. You have achieved greatness. Look. Look for greatness. You will see Cedar there. [/QUOTE]
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