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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 663162" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is so easy to do, Copa. Don't beat yourself up, hon. We all want to believe our mothers loved us. If my mother had not disowned/disinherited me at the end, I may still be pretending our relationship was not so good 100% because of me and not at all because of her. Remember, when I first went for counseling at age 23, I said, "My mother was a GREAT mother. I was just a terrible kid." Yep, that infant who stiffened in her arms, was certainly the problem. Not the mother who didn't try to hold her anyway and just put her into her crib with a propped bottle. I was the guilty party. Infants do that on purpose, you know. Maybe I felt the hostility as an infant?</p><p></p><p>By my mid 30's, I was starting to figure out that it was not just me and that I was angry at her for not loving me. I wasn't the perfect daughter. I was angry. But I didn't cause it 100% and I was sorry every time I hurt her and expressed it. She wasn't sorry and never expressed it. So I put distance between us...I could see she was trying to not only ostracize me from her anyway, but from my siblings.</p><p></p><p>What she did to me was actually helpful in making me open my eyes without cheating.</p><p></p><p>Your mother didn't do that to you. I thank God she did not. Nothing is as painful as a slap from the grave that can never be resolved.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 663162, member: 1550"] This is so easy to do, Copa. Don't beat yourself up, hon. We all want to believe our mothers loved us. If my mother had not disowned/disinherited me at the end, I may still be pretending our relationship was not so good 100% because of me and not at all because of her. Remember, when I first went for counseling at age 23, I said, "My mother was a GREAT mother. I was just a terrible kid." Yep, that infant who stiffened in her arms, was certainly the problem. Not the mother who didn't try to hold her anyway and just put her into her crib with a propped bottle. I was the guilty party. Infants do that on purpose, you know. Maybe I felt the hostility as an infant? By my mid 30's, I was starting to figure out that it was not just me and that I was angry at her for not loving me. I wasn't the perfect daughter. I was angry. But I didn't cause it 100% and I was sorry every time I hurt her and expressed it. She wasn't sorry and never expressed it. So I put distance between us...I could see she was trying to not only ostracize me from her anyway, but from my siblings. What she did to me was actually helpful in making me open my eyes without cheating. Your mother didn't do that to you. I thank God she did not. Nothing is as painful as a slap from the grave that can never be resolved. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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