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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663607" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Cedar, I believe you are right. I just cannot stand the thought of it.</p><p></p><p>Even 4 or 5 years ago he still showed others that he loved me.</p><p></p><p>When he was 20 he joined me in a small agricultural town where I was working. He had been for a short time living with a few young men in the Coastal town where we had lived together.</p><p></p><p>He was joyful to rejoin me. His therapist at the time described it, as coming to his beloved. It embarrasses me to write this. As if to have my son love me like this, I had to have done something shameful.</p><p></p><p>And even 4 years ago, when he went to the BIG CITY after I threw him out here. The hotel owner, Mark, said that my son as if worshiped me, that I was bigger than life, to him.</p><p></p><p>When each of these men said these things to me, I could not feel or see the love of my son for me. Part of it was guilt, I think.</p><p></p><p>By this time my son had a great deal of frustration that he could not easily overcome his dependency upon me. And that this was what was needed most of all. I felt it must have been my fault.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, Cedar, I have thought that we may have been the same kind of Mothers. That our love was so strong, so true, so pure, so selfless that the love itself was the problem. For our sons.</p><p></p><p>That there was nothing in real life that could match it. My love for my son and his for me had become a wind against him.</p><p></p><p>And that my son came to hate me for that thing from which he could not tear himself away. That I am the drug. That he would degrade himself for. And he hates me for it.</p><p></p><p>My pain is so great. I feel that as much energy as I put to this, I could achieve World Peace or at least in the Middle East.</p><p></p><p>Thank you everybody for being here. I am deeply grateful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663607, member: 18958"] Cedar, I believe you are right. I just cannot stand the thought of it. Even 4 or 5 years ago he still showed others that he loved me. When he was 20 he joined me in a small agricultural town where I was working. He had been for a short time living with a few young men in the Coastal town where we had lived together. He was joyful to rejoin me. His therapist at the time described it, as coming to his beloved. It embarrasses me to write this. As if to have my son love me like this, I had to have done something shameful. And even 4 years ago, when he went to the BIG CITY after I threw him out here. The hotel owner, Mark, said that my son as if worshiped me, that I was bigger than life, to him. When each of these men said these things to me, I could not feel or see the love of my son for me. Part of it was guilt, I think. By this time my son had a great deal of frustration that he could not easily overcome his dependency upon me. And that this was what was needed most of all. I felt it must have been my fault. Sometimes, Cedar, I have thought that we may have been the same kind of Mothers. That our love was so strong, so true, so pure, so selfless that the love itself was the problem. For our sons. That there was nothing in real life that could match it. My love for my son and his for me had become a wind against him. And that my son came to hate me for that thing from which he could not tear himself away. That I am the drug. That he would degrade himself for. And he hates me for it. My pain is so great. I feel that as much energy as I put to this, I could achieve World Peace or at least in the Middle East. Thank you everybody for being here. I am deeply grateful. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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