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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663640" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you, Cedar. Yes I do. And thank D H for me, too, please.</p><p>That is what M thinks.</p><p>I have hesitated to say this because it may be misunderstood.</p><p></p><p>Restaurants are rife with drug use. I put myself through University as a waitress. Of course there had been Bennies (little white pills, with a cross hatch--a type of Methamphetamine) at College. Students used them to stay up all night for finals and the like.</p><p></p><p>But in the restaurant there were people who dealt drugs and were truly addicted. I began to use them, too. I would stay up for days on end and sleep for 2 or 3 days on end.</p><p></p><p>I know it is not the same Meth. After all this was maybe almost 45 years ago. But it is so easy for a kid to get caught up. I stopped. I began to drink heavily, too, in those years. I stopped that too. But if somebody has the gene, it is very difficult to do so. While my Dad was an addict, I somehow was able to escape.</p><p>My son was like this. He always struggled to stay on task at school and had all of the traits of an ADHD-type kid. I am sure he did not have the strengths of your son, the capacity to be a leader, but he has his own gifts. He was tremendously thoughtful (I do not know whether to use past or present tenses here.) A naturally gifted scholar. Tremendously articulate. Interested in all things. He would have been the most gifted professor. </p><p></p><p>When he was 14 or so, he became fanatically interested in Capoeira, the Brazilian martial art/dance. That was when he taught himself Portuguese. His Mestre took him under his wing, and they went together on a tour of Brasil. It was the best of times for him.</p><p></p><p>Had he stayed with the sport, had I stayed put and allowed him to stay with this Mestre, perhaps things would have played out differently. It was not just me that thought my son was a good kid. Worth the time. Worth it as a person.</p><p></p><p>That was when we began to travel with earnest. I needed that for myself. How did I know what was to be with my child? Or maybe I chose for myself. I do not know.</p><p></p><p>My son in these years was not oppositional. He was not disrespectful. No problems with conduct. No stealing.</p><p></p><p>Sweet and loving. Our life was like a road trip. I moved for work every 2 or 3 years. I cut him up. I made him laugh so.</p><p></p><p>Somebody told me it was because I did not keep him stable enough. That I should have just stayed put. Everybody feels so free to comment upon what I did wrong.</p><p></p><p>Gypsys move. Military families move. I moved, too.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, do you think it is an option to not even speak with him unless he re-enters treatment?</p><p></p><p>It is all so hard. Because I really have no relationship with my son, now, at all. If I do not tolerate him being aggressive and hostile...and do not enable him...and do his bidding. I have no relationship with my beloved son at all.</p><p></p><p>M is home now. All is better, usually, when he is home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663640, member: 18958"] Thank you, Cedar. Yes I do. And thank D H for me, too, please. That is what M thinks. I have hesitated to say this because it may be misunderstood. Restaurants are rife with drug use. I put myself through University as a waitress. Of course there had been Bennies (little white pills, with a cross hatch--a type of Methamphetamine) at College. Students used them to stay up all night for finals and the like. But in the restaurant there were people who dealt drugs and were truly addicted. I began to use them, too. I would stay up for days on end and sleep for 2 or 3 days on end. I know it is not the same Meth. After all this was maybe almost 45 years ago. But it is so easy for a kid to get caught up. I stopped. I began to drink heavily, too, in those years. I stopped that too. But if somebody has the gene, it is very difficult to do so. While my Dad was an addict, I somehow was able to escape. My son was like this. He always struggled to stay on task at school and had all of the traits of an ADHD-type kid. I am sure he did not have the strengths of your son, the capacity to be a leader, but he has his own gifts. He was tremendously thoughtful (I do not know whether to use past or present tenses here.) A naturally gifted scholar. Tremendously articulate. Interested in all things. He would have been the most gifted professor. When he was 14 or so, he became fanatically interested in Capoeira, the Brazilian martial art/dance. That was when he taught himself Portuguese. His Mestre took him under his wing, and they went together on a tour of Brasil. It was the best of times for him. Had he stayed with the sport, had I stayed put and allowed him to stay with this Mestre, perhaps things would have played out differently. It was not just me that thought my son was a good kid. Worth the time. Worth it as a person. That was when we began to travel with earnest. I needed that for myself. How did I know what was to be with my child? Or maybe I chose for myself. I do not know. My son in these years was not oppositional. He was not disrespectful. No problems with conduct. No stealing. Sweet and loving. Our life was like a road trip. I moved for work every 2 or 3 years. I cut him up. I made him laugh so. Somebody told me it was because I did not keep him stable enough. That I should have just stayed put. Everybody feels so free to comment upon what I did wrong. Gypsys move. Military families move. I moved, too. Cedar, do you think it is an option to not even speak with him unless he re-enters treatment? It is all so hard. Because I really have no relationship with my son, now, at all. If I do not tolerate him being aggressive and hostile...and do not enable him...and do his bidding. I have no relationship with my beloved son at all. M is home now. All is better, usually, when he is home. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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